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The Truth About Charlie
(Reviewed October 8, 2002)
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Mind-numbingly boring and utterly pointless remake of the 1963 Stanley Donen flick "Charade," this time starring a good-looking but unexciting Thandie Newton in the Audrey Hepburn role and a sleepwalking Markie Mark Wahlberg standing in for Cary Grant. (The mind boggles, I realize.) Imagine Matt Damon on some really strong downers, wearing a career-ending beret and an expression that's somewhere between "confused" and "constipated," and you've got a pretty good idea of Wahlberg's contribution to the movie.
The plot of the original is pretty much intact, but everything is somehow cheesier, less romantic, nowhere near as colorful and a whole lot less fun. And I say this even though I'm not a huge fan of "Charade," which struck me as a somewhat forced Hitchcock pastiche.
"The Truth About Charlie"'s director/writer Jonathan Demme (adapting Peter Stone's "Charade" screenplay) starts flailing about hopelessly very early on. When French singer Charles Aznavour suddenly pops up out of nowhere (a la Burt Bacharach in the "Austin Powers" movies) to serenade Newton and Wahlberg, the only appropriate audience reaction is, "What the...???" Demme later gives up entirely on the film when he throws away any remaining shreds of believability by having all of the various good-and-bad guys take part in a jarringly unamusing partner-changing tango scene.
By the time this slow death of a would-be romantic mystery finally gasps its last, and the ridiculously over-complicated who's-really-who details have been tiresomely explained, you'll be way beyond caring.
I couldn't help thinking throughout "The Truth About Charlie" that I would rather have seen a movie about Charlie himself, an identity-shifting, chick-charming con man on the run. The first scene in the movie is Charlie smiling appreciatively as a Euro-blond gets into panties and a bra, presumably after a vigorous sex session on a train. Now THAT'S entertainment!
Back Row Grade: F
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