| . |
"A Walk to Remember"
(Reviewed January 30, 2002)
-
This movie is so thoroughly lamebrained, preposterously devout, and shamelessly targeted at the white-trash yahoo Christian demographic that you just know the fatcat Hollywood producers who brought
us this swill had to be sniggering up their expensive, custom-tailored sleeves. Mandy Moore plays the "pretty ugly girl" character, a tasty Britney-esque jailbait knockout who is supposed to come across as
unattractive here simply because she wears frumpy ankle-length dresses and a granny sweater. She also is a faraway-eyed, smugly superior, preacher's-daughter, Jesus-freak goody-two-shoes in the
"Seventh Heaven" vein. (Translation: She is not portrayed as a superstitious idiot with an imaginary all-powerful friend, as she rightly should be, but as someone with a meaningful faith that everyone
should admire.) (Hey, can you tell I'm a lousy, stinking atheist? Can ya? Huh?)
Naturally, St. Mandy's wholesome Bible-toting icky goodness wins over her high school's sullen, misunderstood bad boy...just in time for Mandy to announce that she IS DYING OF
LEUKEMIA! That's right, even though she has shown absolutely no symptoms of illness whatsoever...even though she announces that her death is imminent because all treatments have stopped working,
despite the fact that we have seen zero evidence of any chemo side-effects or the like...this born-again MTV ass-shaker will be leaving our vale of tears to appear on "Total Request Dead!" Oh, the
humanity!
Mandy's set-squarely-on-the-right-path boyfriend is no dummy. As soon as he finds out Mandy is Not Long For This World, he PROPOSES MARRIAGE! Oh, how I dearly wish that the movie
had included him saying, in a muttered aside to the audience, "No way am I letting this little nugget croak without tearing off a piece first!"
I hated this idiotic piece of evangelical pap so much that I wanted to go worship Satan after leaving the theatre.
Back Row Grade: F
(Return to index by closing this window)
|
. |