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- "The Yards"
(Reviewed August 25, 2000)
- If you're looking for a relentlessly bleak, cheerless, complete downer of a movie, look no further than this grim-'n'-gritty insomnia aid. Sullen parolee Leo (Mark Wahlberg)
stumbles
woodenly into Big Trouble after falling in with The Wrong Crowd when he goes home to his old lower-class neighborhood. Joaquin Phoenix plays Willie, a cheap, gladhanding slickee-boy. (Rather a
comedown for Phoenix from playing a Roman emperor in "Gladiator," but he does get to do a love scene in which Charlize Theron is briefly, gloriously TOPLESS, which must have been some
compensation.) Charlize Theron's listless, drugged-looking Erica is both Leo's cousin and the love of his life, which sounds a lot more interesting than it plays on the screen.
The shoe polish budget on this film must have been astronomical, because Phoenix, Theron, and even Theron's character's kid brother have hair that is dyed blacker than midnight in a coal mine.
Also,
Phoenix's character is supposed to be Latino, which strains credibility a tad. I have no idea what Phoenix's real ethnicity is, but he looks a lot more more like Brian Austin Green of "Beverly Hills
90210" than like Antonio Banderas.
Not really a bad film, but one that sure won't make you leave the theater laughing and singing, either. If you have a real desire to feel lousy, by all means, go.
Back Row Grade: C
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