Twisted Bible

--Kitty (aka Kristine Jackson)--

"Once upon a time, a man went from Jerusalem to Jericho and fell among thieves. The thieves threw him into the weeds, and the weeds grew up and choked that man. He then went to meet the Queen of Sheba and she gave that man a thousand talents of gold and silver, and a hundred changes of raiment. He then got in his chariot and drove furiously to the Red Sea. When he got there, the waters parted and he drove to the other side.

"On the other side he drove under a big olive tree and got his hair caught on a limb and was left hanging there. He hung there for many nights and many days, and the ravens brought him food to eat and water to drink. One night while he was hanging there asleep, his wife Delilah came along and cut off his hair, and he dropped and fell on stony ground. The children of a nearby city came out and said, 'Go up, thou baldhead, go up!' And the man cursed the children and two she-bears came and tore up the children.

"Then it began to rain and it rained for forty days and forty nights. And he went and hid himself in a came. Later he went out and met a man and said, 'Come and take supper with me,' but the man said, 'I cannot come for I have married a wife.' So he went out into the highways and byways and compelled them to come in, but they would not heed his call.

"He then went on to Jericho and blew his trumpet seven times and the city walls came down. As he walked by one of the damaged buildings, he saw Queen Jezebel and when she saw him she laughed and made fun of him. The man grew furious and shouted, 'Toss her down.' And they did. Then he said, 'Toss her down again.' And they did. They threw her down seventy times seven times. And the fragments they gathered up were 12 baskets full.

"The question now is... 'Whose wife will she be on the day of resurrection?'"

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