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Kid and Caboodle: Musings of a "Split-Shift" Mom  With Valentine's Day fast approaching, I have been thinking about the different ways my husband and I have celebrated this day over the 13 years we have been together. The birth of our son in 2002 significantly changed the way we celebrate Valentine's Day. Before we had our son, we enjoyed ourselves thoroughly as a Double-Income-No-Kids (DINK) couple. I think the first Valentine's Day we celebrated together involved going to see a professionally produced play at the Warner Theatre. Another year we went to the Caribbean for a week. Other pre-parenthood years involved dinners at nice restaurants, bouquets of roses sent to the office, and plenty of time to lounge around together. Now, the best gift for either of us is the opportunity to sleep in, to read a book or watch a TV program without interruption, or to go to an event after work with friends while the other takes care of our very active toddler. We still exchange cards and gifts every Valentine's Day, but nowadays we are never sure whether we will be able to eat dinner together -- or do anything else -- without interruption from our son. Due to school schedules for both my husband and our son, we also don't go on vacation at this time of year. This year I'm not sure we will be celebrating Valentine's Day at all since it will fall on a Tuesday. Tuesdays are very busy days for my husband this semester; on that day of the week my husband leaves the house for work at 7 a.m., attends two 3-hour classes after work, and finally returns home about 11 p.m. We might manage a card-and-gift exchange this Valentine's Day, but I don't think we will have time to appreciate anything until the next morning at best. Fortunately, as we have grown older, it has become less important for us to celebrate special occasions on exact dates. For our 10th wedding anniversary last June, for example, my husband and I went on vacation about two weeks earlier than the exact date of our anniversary because that time was convenient for those who had agreed to babysit for us. I expect this Valentine's Day we'll be showing our love for each other the following weekend rather than on the 14th due to convenience. My parents, who will be celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary this year, learned this art of compromise long ago when they decided to get married on February 12 instead of Valentine's Day because February 14 did not fall on a weekend that year. When I came along, they also demonstrated their dedication to family by adjusting their work schedules -- with my father working days and my mother working nights -- so that one of them was always caring for me until I turned 3 and started pre-school. (My parents did not trust any non-relatives to babysit me.) Although these days my parents don't have to worry about taking care of their children, they do help take care of my son, and arrange their schedules to complement mine and my husband's. They also still compromise on when to celebrate their anniversary every year since my father is frequently out-of-town on business whenever the exact date rolls around. After nearly 40 years of juggling careers, childcare, and hobbies, my parents are still happily married. I hope my husband and I will be able to juggle our multiple obligations as well as they have, and that our marriage will last at least as long as theirs. |
