When there's a will, I want to be in it!

10 TIPS FROM AN EMPLOYEE TO THE BOSS ON HOW TO ENHANCE THE RELATIONSHIP

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it's really a "rush job," run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors is good training.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. Let me guess.

6. Never introduce me to the people you're with. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like that could cost me a promotion.

8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversation.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.

10. Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.

WEDDING & MARRIAGE HUMOR

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for any man.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.

ACTUAL BUMPER STICKERS

I love cats ... they taste just like chicken.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car ...

Montana -- At least our cows are sane!

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!

It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

When there's a will, I want to be in it!

Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!

Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal !

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

He/She who laughs last thinks slowest.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

i souport publik edekasion.

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'...till you can find a rock.

2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.

I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.

3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

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