Q: How many Microsoft developers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They just redefine darkness as the industry standard

TIRED

Yes, I'm tired. For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron, poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out, it ain't that. I'm tired because I'm overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. This leaves 19 million to do the work.

Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.

There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

Boy Oh Boy..

And you're sitting there reading this. No wonder I'm tired; I'm the only 0ne working.

THINGS YOU'D RATHER NOT HEAR IN SURGERY

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Someone call the janitor--we're going to need a mop.

"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness."

Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad dog!!

Wait a minute. If this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that...uh...that uh....thingie.

Oh, no. I just lost my Rolex.

Oops. Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

Darn! There go the lights again!

"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em."

Everybody stand back--I lost my contact lens.

Could you stop that thing from thumping; it's throwing my concentration off.

Hey, What's this doing here?

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

That's cool! Now, can you make his leg twitch?!

I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses...

Well, folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

Sterile, schmerile. The floor's clean, right?

What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change...?

Anyone see where I left my scalpel?

And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape.

This patient has already had some kids--right?

SOME HUMOR FOR THOSE WHO NEED A CHUCKLE

1. The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

2. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

3. Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.

4. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

5. Always remember to pillage before you burn.

6. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

7. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

8. If "clothes maketh the man" then it follows that naked people have little or no influence on society.

9. Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving to where you can't find them.

10. The law of Probability Dispersal decrees that whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

11. Indecision is the key to flexibility.

12. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.

13. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

14. The facts, although interesting, are usually irrelevant.

15. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.

16. Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.

17. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

18. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

19. All things being equal, fat people use more soap.

20. If you can smile when things go wrong then you have someone in mind to blame.

21. One-seventh of life is spent on Monday.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. This is as bad as it can get -- but don't bet on it.

24. Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty but only the pig enjoys it.

25. The trouble with life is that you are halfway through it before you realize it's a "do it yourself" thing.

26. Drink varnish and you'll have a lovely finish.

27. We can sympathize with a child who is afraid of the dark, but the tragedy of life is that most people are afraid of the light.

28. If only the good die young then what does that say about senior citizens?

29. Employ teenagers - while they know everything.

30. The best antiques are old friends.

31. Down with gravity!

32. Nobody's perfect and since I'm nobody...!

33. People who eat natural foods die from natural causes.

34. Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?

35. Some day my ship will come in, but with my luck, I'll be at the airport.

36. Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind then it really doesn't matter.

37. A friend in need may turn out to be a nuisance.

38. When the cat's away there are fewer hairs on the armchair.

39. An expert is nothing more than an ordinary person away from home.

40. If you can't be kind, be vague.

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