It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't got anything on earth to worry about,
he goes off and gets married.

MAN AND WOMAN

THE DIFFERENCE

Women have more imagination than men.
They need it to tell us how wonderful we are.

Women have their faults. Men have only two:
Everything they say; Everything they do.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

THE STYLE

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping.
Men invade another country.

It's a whole different way of thinking.
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants.
A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesn't want.

LOVE

Men always want to be a woman's first love.
Women have a more subtle instinct:
What they like is to be a man's last romance.

The only way to understand a woman is to love her - and then it isn't necessary to understand her.

To women, love is an occupation.
To men, a preoccupation.

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

Men marry because they are tired; woman because they are curious.
Both are disappointed.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband,
while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her;
a man, of the woman who he didn't.

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.

HUSBANDS

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy.
One is to let her think she is having her own way,
and the other is to let her have it.

Married men live longer than single men,
but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people remembering the same thing.

WIVES

Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.

Husbands are like cars: all are good the first year.

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS

WORK PLACE
HAZARDOUS MATERIALS
INFORMATION SYSTEM
MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET
WOMAN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

ELEMENT, Woman

SYMBOL, Wo2

ATOMIC MASS, accepted as 125 lbs. But known to vary from 100 to 500 lbs.

OCCURRENCE, copious quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES

1. Surface usually covered with a painted film
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason3. Melts if given special treatment
4. Bitter if incorrectly used
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore
6. Yields to pressure if applied to correct points

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES

1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man

COMMON USES

1. Highly ornamental especially in sports cars
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation3. Very effective cleaning agent

TESTS

1. Pure specimen turns rosy when discover in the natural state
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

HAZARDS

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Illegal to possess more than one

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