Recently, an article was published in MacNews referring to how to be a defensive walker in Mac. We all know that defense is protective, but you can't win the game without scoring a few goals. Therefore, I decided to write a guide to Offensive Walking.
First of all, being polite will waste time. If someone gives to you a salutation, of course you should reply, but continue walking and make it seem that you are in a hurry to get somewhere. Holding doors can often result in you standing around, acting as a human door stop, wasting more and more time. Rush through closing doors to save time from pushing/pulling the doors open. If the door is closed, pull/push the door open as far as you can to allow yourself and any other offensive walkers to slip through.
Speed is almost always key. Zoom through the hallways, close to the lockers, and whenever a person is in front of you, maneuver as soon as possible to the centre of the hall. When the obstacle is overcome, go back towards the locker. This technique keeps you out of the majority of traffic.
Although you go speeding along, still respect other people. Unless someone is your mortal enemy, don't swerve in front, you may face the wrath of their anger.
If possible, avoid the smoker hall, unless you love the putrid smell. Take the history hall stairs, they are often the least used stairs in the school, and will usually place you quite close to any destination on the second floor (With the exception of the sunshine hall. For that section of the school, use the main enterance stairs, but stay to the right, so you can slip past those wide groups of people.).
So you want short cuts? I'll give you no short cuts, because short cuts are for the cowards. I have determined that there are no short cuts in the school. Don't go through cafeteria at any time. I have found that it is not a short cut due to all the tables. Stay in the hallway and avoid having to navigate through the crowds and tables in the caf. Don't even go in the caf at lunch. Go out in this beautiful weather and get away from the horrible tar fumes.
Finally, offensive walkers are smooth and quick, thinking of passing a slow walker (and often a defensive walker) well in advance. This quick thinking results in you meeting your destination faster than anyone else. It also gets your heart rate up, and leaves you with plenty of time to contemplate over the number forty-two.
Although Bones has said that we shouldn't drink and walk, I think you can. Many things can be accomplished on the way to your destination, including drinking. But as every good offensive walker knows, don't chew gum and walk at the same time.
Smutton
If you haven't been in the girl's washroom recently (or ever), let me tell you what you'll find on the walls inside of the stalls:
Girls, hang your heads in shame. The stall walls were freshly painted a beautiful sky blue not one year ago, and we've blemished the perfection with senseless vandalism.
Please, please, please respect your surroundings, and realize that we are forced to look at your "artwork" for a while. With the budget the way it is right now, we won't have any money to repaint for a long, long time.
Sofi, ed.
It seems that from the beginning of this school year, MacNews has been getting a lot of flack over its content. Many believe that the publishing does not live up to the standard of its presecessors. The insults toward the content have gone to the extreme of being called "garbage", and "not worth the paper it's printed on."
We, the writers and editors of MacNews have been stirred by the somewhat recent influx of such insults. It has caused us to further scrutinize our work; to create a weekly publishing that interests the students of Macdonald. We'd like the paper to be filled with interesting, funny, captivating, stimulating, artistic, poetic, dramatic stuff, but we need some assistance.
As has been done in the past, we do not wish to ask for comments or suggestions on how to improve MacNews. Although we value such input, what we really need are writers. If you want to make MacNews better, come and help us do it! Apart from the "regulars" we do not have many people coming in to write. Therefore, the content only portrays the opinion of a small number of our school population. Also welcome, are artists and poets. Here's the perfect chance for you to have your material published.
It should also be mentioned that MacNews is one of (if not) the only weekly High School newspaper in Scarborough. It is, indeed, a chore for the writers and editors to put out MacNews every week for an entire school year. We merely ask that students acknowledge this fact and do not put down our efforts.
Instead, assert yourself and write an article on a topic that interests you. Submit a piece of artwork or a poem. Simply put, the more material we have access to, the better we can make MacNews.
Thank you,
Editors of MacNews
As you all know, sports are alive and well here at MAC and there is no better season to play the sport you love than FOOTBALL season.
For the past month the Girl's Flag Football team has been preparing for their season opener on April 28th. We lost a lot of veterans from last year so recruiting new running backs, tight ends, and linebackers has been a hard task. Our new rookies have given us a lot to work for. The team is fresh and ready to kick some butts. We have a lot of pride having won back-to-back championships and three in the past four years. A lot of people think that Girl's Flag Football is not a real sport, but I would like to prove them wrong. Football is an exciting, action-packed, fast-paced sport and the only thing we do different is pull flags rather than tackle. I believe that pulling a flag off of a six-foot running back who's faster than a speeding bullet takes a lot of concentration and effort. We are a team filled with skill, speed, and a lot of heart so I suggest you cheer on your Girl's Flag Football team this year. I expect to see a big turnout at our first home game so don't let us down. We need all of you to support the sport we all love to play so much. To the guys, I'm promising a great show from all the girls. We want to prove to everyone that we can THREE-PEAT and we will be fighting all the way to the Championship Game. GOOD LUCK GIRLS! SEE YOU ON THE FIELD!
FOOTBALL GIRL (DB)
| WARNING: The following article contains some scenes (?) of graphic violence. Reader discretion is advised. PG 13. |
Pale moonlight and fluorescent light from a street lamp danced the cold waltz of death on a hateful scene. The sound of sirens blaring reached us from a distance, but we knew they weren't meant for us. The unlikely pair of light sources cast a lonely shadow in the alleyway; the shadow of a boy lashed to a metal post. He was only fifteen, the salty years of mortal fear rolled silently down his cheek. A cheek that had little more than mere peach-fuzz growing on it.
I looked around nervously, wondering why I was here. Donny passed the oversized switch-blade to Clay, who accepted it by the handle. Donny bowed to Clay, as if he respected what was about to happen. Who knows, maybe he did, or maybe he was just following the list of formalities involved in this twisted ritual. Clay wasn't wearing a shirt, so his tattoo was exposed. He had a giant steel dragon on his chest; our gang's insignia. The Steel Dragons didn't have leader, didn't need one, but Clay was as close to one as anybody could get.
Clay started talking to the poor kid lashed to the post. I didn't hear what he said, I didn't want to. I knew what was going to happen and it made me want to puke. Again, I wondered why I was here. Then I remembered. I wanted to feel accepted. I wanted to be liked. It wasn't as great as I thought it would be. Clay stopped talking. I looked, just in time to watch the hateful steel of the 'blade penetrate the kid's skin, right above the spleen. Clay left the knife inside the kid's body for a moment, as if he were waiting for something. Finally, he twisted the 'blade and pulled it out. The whole time, the kid's teeth were clenched and a trickle of blood escaped his lips. He was biting his tongue, just to keep from crying out in pain.
Clay stabbed again, and again. He stabbed the kid at least ten times, using the same slow twisting method each time. But each time the 'blade was removed, nothing, save gore came with it. No scream. I put my hand on Clay's shoulder, his skin was burning with cold fire. He turned to me, his blue eyes were like ice, cold and unyielding.
"That's enough," I said.
"No," replied Clay. You could feel the brutal hate and sadistic revenge in his voice as he ripped the words from his throat. "Not until he screams!"
We turned back to the kid, Brisco was there, he ook his hand from the kid's throat. He had been feeling for a pulse.
"He's dead," he announced, without emotion.
We left the corpse standing upright in its own gore, none of us looking back. Someone's watch beeped twice, midnight. It started to rain, slowly at first, but gradually it picked up, until it hurt if the drops hit your skin. Brisco jogged to my side.
"I'm glad that's over," he said.
"Yeah," I replied, and kept walking.
But it wasn't over. No, it had just begun, and it would continue until one of them, or one of us, screamed. Who were we? The guy on the post? A corpse who didn't even live to drive a car legally. Clay? Just another tortured soul. And me? I'm just a prisoner, a prisoner of acceptance.
Basil Godevenos
Now before anyone thinks that this is an offensiv article about big people, you're wrong. This article is entitled "Takin' Up Space" because we are using this article to take up space. No, I don't mean space as in outer space. For that matter I don't even mean inner space. I mean newspaper space. So how 'bout that semi? Were you blitzed, I was but that's a differen story. Anyways, gotta go, BYE!!!
FILLER
Easter Egg Contest Winner!!!We finally have a winner!!!! The winner is Matthew Pullerits. Congratulations!!!!!!!!!! He has won a $25 HMV gift certificate.
We will give it to you as soon as possible, Matt! Thank you to everyone who entered the contest.
The One-Armed Men
Ottawa is tied with Hartford for last place in the playoff standings. If Ottawa wins one of their final two games and Hartford loses their last, Damian Rhodes will play in net- a debut for the playoffs! Go Senators!
I find it hard to believe that Isiah Thomas would be involved in "buying games" in the N.B.A. during the '89-'90 season. There is a new book which accuses Thomas of buying games and other types of gambling. OK, maybe you ought to check your five, unknown sources first.
Clemons is out already? Don't worry, he should be back soon. The Jays are doing pretty good for the begining of the season, but the Braves are doing better. Yea Smoltz!
The first round of Master's goes today. And that's all I have to say about golf........
N.B.A...........Boring. OK, I'll just say, Bulls vs. Knicks.
Yea, no more Lindros ... even if it is only for two games. The less we see of him, the better.
And some really cool news- The C.F.L. has signed a deal with the N.F.L.. Don't really know the details. Something about the N.F.L. being able to sign C.F.L. players right after they finish their season. Read the star.
L.A. Tzekas
Sports Editor