VS. 
We here at MacNews are very aware of the clash of cultures that occurs at this school everyday. Everywhere you look, you can see signs of nationalism...desks read "I AM CANADIAN" or the bathroom wall is scribbled with "IRAN #1" or "GREECE RULES".
Well I took the liberty of testing out these claims through an analysis of conflicting cultural staples........
1. Souvlaki VS. Kraft Dinner
Kraft Dinner may be more versatile and cheaper, but meat is essential to everyone's diet.
Souvlaki in 6 rounds.
2. Ouzo VS. Labatt Maximum Ice
Sorry, with 40%, you could use it to clean cuts.
Ouzo in 6 rounds of shots.
3. Mt. Olympus VS. Mt. Whistler
Mt. Olympus is just a big stack of rocks, and Mt. Whistler is where all the hot ski bunnies go. Give this one to the Cakes.
Whistler in 3 rounds.
4. "Johnny's Hamburgers" VS. "Harvey's"
No competition. I'd take a "double banquet burger" over "crispy Okra" anyday.
"Johnny's" KO's at the bell.
5. Shania Twain VS. Aphrodite
She may not have any talent, but all I have to say is black jeans and that little red shirt. What the hell does Aphrodite look like anyways?!?
Shania in 12.
6. Zeus VS. Jean Chretien
On one hand, we have a guy who used his thunderbolt to pull 232 kids out of his ass. On the other hand, we still have the GST.
This one would last a while, thunderbolts vs. chokehold. Zeus in 122.
7. Yanni VS. Bryan Adams
Both are boring.
It's a draw.
8. ELLA! VS. EH!
Short and sweet, eh?
Eh! in 2 letters.
9. Hockey VS. Soccer
I don't want to start a war. No comment here.
No decision.
10. Quebec VS. Macedonia
They can go in on the country thing together.
No decision.
11. Mousaka VS. Moose
You can't eat antlers.
Mousaka by default.
12. Nude beaches VS. "The House of Lancaster"
Nude beaches are free.
Naked bodies in 4.
NEXT WEEK.....the rematch.
4 guys in the corner
Special thanx to Sofi's mom for not running me over and then giving me a ride home. If not for her quick reflexes and generosity, I would have been dead or frost-bitten. Either way, I wouldn't have been able to do the layout for MacNews.
Layout guy
a.k.a. Bones
Everyone in Ms. Nickel's Gr. 11 Medallion English class is a Thespian! Thespians are people too.
Due to the overwhelming response we got from the student body, the results of Survey '96 will be printed next week.
Sofi, ed.
Today at MacNews, we all discovered a top ten list that insulted MacNews.
Dust of Gold, we know who you are, we know what classes you are in. We were insulted by this and are going to look for you.
Don't try it again. You will receive a summons to court soon.
An Angry Mob With Torches
Friday, January 24th is the date; Sir John A. Macdonald is the place, sports are the activity and all night is the time. Be a part of Macdonald athletics! All you need is a sign up form (you can pick up in the gym 3 office), 3 guys, 3 girls and #5 per player. Make sure to hand your forms in by Monday, January 20 or Karen will be really mad. Come out and be all you can be at the MAA sports all nighter!
switch
Deep, dark infinity --
In the great unknown.
Sweeping in lush unbidden waves,
Around me.
It caresses, and crushes; Reaching
Into the deep depths.
The unknown does not save me,
Anymore -- but it can cause
Pain.
Caught across the chasm --
Hanging by a thread;
Knowing the fall shall come
At any moment.
Accept it -- accept it, but the pain
Of hanging is great.
Across the chasm lies Paradise,
Glimpsed
For one eternal moment.
Hanging by a thread,
Halfway there.
Paradise opened its mighty gates
And gave me a single sip;
And then threw out
My wayward soul
Upon the chasm
Of the deep unknown.
Striving to cross it --
Striving to fall;
Either is better than this
Silent hanging.
One way to cross the chasm,
One way to fall.
Neither path leads back
To the other side.
Only the gates that await
Across the chasm,
Hoping they stay open,
To let me in.
Hold the gates.
The chasm is deep.
Hold the gates.Naru Sundar
The title pretty much says it all...English Patient. You have to be pretty patient to watch this horrendously slow movie. It's almost 2 hours and 45 minutes long! I was lucky enough to go for free. Otherwise I would have demanded my money back after 10 minutes. No kidding. The movie is sooo long that I fell asleep a few times during it. And nothing had progressed when I awoke. The ending when... well, it's pretty unpredictable. But at the end of the movie, I was really glad I had seen it. Oscar noms for the ravishing Juliette Binoche and the old Ralph Fiennes. No kidding. I give it a 3 1/2 out of 5.
SomeoneAtMac/
Green Eggs & Ham
Congratulations to the Junior Math Team for their stunning victory over Bethune. The score was 109-79 for the wonderful team.
Special recognition goes to Darin Stojanovic and Jessie Ding, who scored all of our points in the oral section. Great job, guys! (Celina, work on those exponents!)
People should not forget that academic teams are great assets to their schools.
Two Of The Blind Mice
Dear Dust of Gold,
Hello Gold Dust wannabe. T'm sorry, I wasn't able to print your...um article? Your question was, "Why doesn't MacNews print WWF news?" I'll tell ya why. Because it's the WWF. Tanks for coming out.
Dear Evita,
Tanks for your letter about the Maple Leafs. Unfortunately, we didn't have room to print endless pages of babble, so I'll just respond. I'm glad you're such a Leaf fan; so am I. And yes, I too hope they pull their act together soon, which means they must win 35 games in a row. You do realize they are in last place? O.K. Go Leafs, go! We love you Mike Craig. Bye.
Dear BigBear on Small Mountain,
Hi, my name is really Stands With a Fist. Nevermind... So you want to know about Tiger Woods? O.k., well he is a teenage prostar who dropped out of school to tour with old, senile men in plaid pants and crocodile Dundee hats. In other words, he plays golf. In his spare time, he enjoys signing contracts with Nike, and making millions of dollars standing and swinging. Check out his new golf club: it has an Interact Machine attached to it. (Just in case he makes some more cash) Hope it helps. Tanks for your time.
L.A. Tzekas
Sports Editor
Can you speak Cantonese?
If so, and you need a job, this is for you. There is no experience necessary, and the position to be filled is a Pharmacist's asisstant. Sheppard Warden Pharmacy needs someone to communicate to the high number of Oriental customers coming in daily. Work would most likely start after school hours, approximately around 4:00 pm.
If interested or require more information, call Nashat at 297-6677.
Thank You
I'm completely fed up with people standing in the hallways blocking traffic. I have been late for classes almost everyday of my life because it takes me so dang long to get to my classroom. Another thing, what's with all the smooching in the hall? It could bring up your breakfast. I'm sick of it. Get a room! If you want to show your affection towards another person, could you do it on your own time instead of grossing us out?
Another thing, what's with the Grade 9 Hallway being congested all the time? I know you're new here and all, but you don't have to be standing in the hall aimlessly and not moving to show it. The Tech Hall...or as some like to call it, Toronto City Dump North. The person with the rotten egg spray deserves to be hanged. Did the Tech Hall suddenly become the Boys' Changeroom? Or did it just become another casualty to the Football Teams' athletic lockers?
SomeoneAtMac
If you have any further complaints about our picturesque school, drop us a line at Macnews c/o SomeoneAtMac, or E-Mail us at macnews@wwdg.com.
All we wanted was a nice, peaceful place to eat our lunch. Was that so wrong? We sat close to the walls, we kept our voices down, and we cleaned up after ourselves. The janitor even called us good girls. We were causing no problems at all.
Well, we're obviously pretty cool and popular, because other groups began to copy us. It was suddenly the "in" thing to do. More and more people joined in on our trend, and that's when the trouble began.
Some groups sat right in the middle of the halls and made lots of noise while other left their garbage strewn everywhere.
The admin team soon took notice, and made an announcement to the student body, warning us not to sit in the halls as it poses a fire hazard. Fire hazard? How could that be? If the fire alarm went off, we'd be the first people to vacate the premises. It's not like students en route to safety would trip over us; if we heard the alarm, we wouldn't just sit there, would we now?
Alas, we were forced to abandon the athletic hallway which we called home every lunch period for the past four wonderful months. Sigh. We now wander about the school, looking for a suitable place to ingest our alimentary sustenance (eat lunch) yet nothing is quite up to our standards.
"Why not just eat your lunch in the caf?" you may ask. I think you already know the answer. The caf is noisy, crowded, and it smells like a mixture of fries, CK One, and body odour. Yummy.
This is our plea to Mrs. Taylor: allow groups of people to eat in classrooms. Many of them are empty during third and fourth period. Have people sign up to reserve the space ahead of time, and make them clean up their own messes. Thank-you.
Kids (who used to sit) in the Hall