Capricorn
This is your love Horoscope. You are known for your strange sense of humour: this is why you attract only specific signs of the Zodiac. Anyone who can understand you, is most likely your best match. This is the reason for your lack of girl/boyfriends.
Capricorn...again
You're making great decisions about your love life. It seems as though you have picked up a follower along your path of life and now you have to choose which one to get rid of. Take into effect their pros & cons and you'll end up with a real fox.
Aquarius
Accidents happen! Byt it looks as though this one's going to cost you. Remember, no one should drive in the rain and slush, willingly. At least you have your health!
Pisces
Lies are not the way to obtaining new friends. If you continue lying then it will have long term effects on your popularity.
Aries
Lots o' luck is in your path. Be careful not to misuse this and you won't have a problem.
Taurus
Someone is trying to gey your attention. If you pay attention you may just find something special.
Gemini
Can't decide on anything? Then forget it. You'll never get it, trust me I know. Let me tell you what to do, go with the flow. Options will show themselves to you in time.
Cancer
Today, you smell. Your day will proceed in the following: suck, suck, and them some more suckage. Sorry.
Leo
If you have the initials C.M. please see end of Horoscopes. Today Leo is feeling angry. Violence is not the answer, just give back the soap.
Libra
This morning you will have breakfast. Then you will proceed with brushing your teeth. You will eventually find your way to school. There you will regret even getting up in the morning. After this realization, your day will continue similar to Cancers'. Sorry again.
Virgo
Refer to page 3.
Scorpio
You will consider beating up a friend, but decide not to. Then you consider mooning Hilary Weston on Monday, but decide not to. When you get home you ponder eating McDonalds but decide that you may get more nutrition out of a piece of lard. You live a boring life.
Sagittarius
You are going to die. Eventually.
C.M.
You will go to school, then leave school.
Shortie
Or What I Want To Do To Guy At The Chinese Green
He Gave Me Fries Instead Of Chicken Wings
05: Being lashed to a post and getting your own portrait drawn on your midriff with a switchblade.
04: Having unanesthetized major surgery in which a tourniquet is placed on your large intestine; then being force-fed baked beans.
03: Living Kenny's pain. Tenfold.
02: Being forced to dive below 200 feet with 90% nitrogen in your tanks (nitrogen is not bad for you, it just sits in your blood). At 200 feet, nitrogen compresses excessively, you are then forced to the surface very quickly. The nitrogen will explode into large bubbles in your blood.
01: Suicide committed by a masochist.
The Mad Irishman
Ph.D sadistic torture
By Lynne MacNicol,
Calgary Roman Catholic Separate School District No. 1
Getting out this paper is no picnic. If we print jokes or cartoons, people say we are silly. If we don't, they sat we are too serious.
If we clip things from other papers, we are just too lazy to write something of our own. If we don't we are ego-charmed by our own stuff.
If we don't print some contributions, we don't appreciate good writing. If we do welcome a variety of contributions, the paper is full of junk.
If we change someone's write-up, we are critical. If we don't, we don't have any standards.
Now, someone is likely to say that we swiped this from another paper. We did.
Reprinted from newsletter of Thorncliffe Jr. P.S., who stole it from AWNA Keeping Up To Dater, who stole it from the Louisiana Press Association Bulletin, who swiped it from the Nebraska Press Association, who swiped it from Red Cloud Chief.
You've seen the musicians running around this school. You've seen the instruments in their hands. I know you have because I'm one of those musicians! But have you heard their music? Listen carefully...do you hear that viola?
Mac Symphony won first place at the Kiwanis Music Festival! Yee Ha! Unfortunately, it was no thianks to me! My viola was completely out of tune while playing and the whole performance had to be stopped just to tune it!!! I was so humiliated!
We won, and it's wonderful, but I never learned to tune, AND IT'S TEARING ME APART!!
*Sniff!* Excuse me, I have something in my eye!
(:CHEEKY:)
Echoes of "We Are The Champions" reverberated throughout MAC and all of Toronto as the MAC Senior Strings and the MAC Senior Chior both won "First Place" distinctions in their respective Kiwanis categories on Wednesday. With their rendition of Peter Warlock's Capriol Suite at West Humber C.I. in what was Etobicoke, the Senior Strings won over the nearest competitor by one point. Against seven other groups (three in their own session, plus four from a previous session held earlier that same day), their 92 points also earned them the honour of being "Best of Class". An invitation was later extended to the Senior Strings to play at a prestigious all-girls private school, which happened to be one of their competitors. As promised by the Senior Strings conductor, Ms. Kivesto, a pizza party is expected shortly.
The same thing occurred later that evening with the MAC Senior Choir, which performed at the Timothy Eaton United Church in midtown Toronto. With members who also took part with the Senior Strings, they also managed to win "First Place" over two other competitors. Special thanks goes to the conductor Mrs. Collins and to Mr. Johnson, who played the piano during their renditions of Biebl's Ave Maria and Brahm's How Lovely Is Thy Dwelling Place.
While MAC has a long tradition of providing first-quality ensembles, the Senior Strings' victory was made poignant by the fact that this was the first time they had won "First Place" at Kiwanis in many years, let alone "Best of Class". For once, they finally have something to boast about in front of the band members!
These two performances were MAC's final entries into the Kiwanis Music Festival for this year. Talk about saving the best for last!
Way to go MAC!
Kathy Tam
Dear Editor,
I am writing in reference to the upcoming visit from Hilary Weston. There are a couple of issues that I think need to be addressed prior to the lieutenant governor's arrival.
First of all, yes, I do feel honoured that a woman of her stature is interested in our school and our innovative MIA program and wants to observe how it works, but why do we want to show Weston a fake Macdonald instead of the real one? That's not to say that we will show up wearing dirty track pants and hats on Monday. Most of the students I hang around with understand the importance of Weston's visit and we aren't going to do anything disrespectful. I really hope the administration at MAC doesn't think that any students currently attending MAC were brought up by a pack of wolves. When need be, all of us can be polite and act appropriately. I hope everyone will act on their best behaviour, but no on someone else's.
I realise a rehearsal for the participants of this Afro-Canadian Heritage Assembly is necessary, but I don't think anything should be censored for Hilary Weston. I do not understand the need for a rehearsal for the audience. Again do we want to portray a fake MAC or the real deal? Also, did Hilary Weston's visit happen to land on the same day as the Afro-Canadian Heritage Assembly or was the assembly moved up to land on the day of her visit? How were the students who were invited to the assembly chosen? Whatever happened to upper/lower level assemblies? How come all the music classes got chosen? Do music students behave better than the average student? Or are we trying to show Hilary Weston an image of the school that everyone is involved in extra-curricular activities? What about the students that weren't chosen? Are they considered hoodlums? And the ones that were chosen are special, right? Maybe the picks were made by the office according to who the favourite teachers were. I thought the Black History Assembly was supposed to promote desegregation, but it seems as though segregation is alive and well at MAC today. I feel sorry for any of the student coordinators involved because they are being forced to roll with the punches and aren't able to object to what is going on or submit their own ideas.
I thought the main purpose of the lieutenant governor's visit was to see the MIA's well-oiled machine of coordinators plus the volunteers in action. Because Ms. Weston is a busy lady, shouldn't she spend all of her time with the volunteers? I think we should focus on what Weston is here to see, not to diverge her thoughts and make the trip a hurried one.
Hey students! Who are we? MAC!!! Who do we wanna be? MAC!!! Are we proud to be Blackscots? YES!!!
Then stand up for it!
fuses
EDITOR'S NOTE: We discovered the above letter in the mailbox with absolutely no way of finding out who wrote it. Though it is usually our policy to not print letters criticizing individuals, our school, or the manner in which our school is run, we chose to print this particular letter, however, because many students have told me that they feel the same way as "fuses". I'd like to point out, however, that some of the comments made by "fuses" are not completely true, or cannot be proven (I know my music class won't be in attendance). Also, I know of at least two general math classes who are invited, as well as several medallion English classes, showing the diversity of the various students who are invited to attend. Despite this minor flaw in the letter, we here at MacNews feel that this letter is worthy to be read, and that the points made are valid ones.
Sofi, ed.
I like South Park for the following reasons:
(rated 14+ in Canada but MA in the USA) Stoopid Head
Q: What do the jerseys of the Khazakstanian Olympic Team and the Mac Girl's Ice Hockey team have in common?
A: They were both designed by the lovely and talented Kevin Edgell, coach of the Girl's team.
Freaks, the abnormal people in the world, have many different behavioural patterns. I will try to describe and explain some of the more common types of freaky behaviour.
Some freaks demonstrate the condition known as "obsession". This is when a person becomes intently preoccupied with something, like an object, person, or place. One of the freaks I studied has a minor obsession with an eraser. He owns a small blue eraser, and calls it his "lucky eraser". He is very protective of this eraser, and even attempted violence when it was taken from him. He believes that the eraser brings him higher marks on tests. Another group of freaks I observed was more freaky than the "eraser patient". This group was intent on developing a secret code which they called a "new language". This was a very major obsession, and much time was wasted by these freaks designing their code. I myself am an example of an "obsessive freak". My obsession is the study of other freaks. It cannot be classified as a minor obsession, since I spend much time with this study, but it is not a major obsession either, since the study of freaks does not consume my life. Obviously, obsessive behaviour can vary greatly from freak to freak.
Another common behavioural pattern observed in freaks is "chronic weirdness". These freaks like to scare people by acting in a strange manner. This is actually a variation of obsession, because these freaks are obsessed with scaring people. However, chronic weirdness is so common that we usually classify it separately from obsession. Most chronically weird freaks are harmless, and are just a nuisance, while others can be dangerous. A minor case I observed in my studies was when two freaks constantly greeted other people, whether they knew them or not. These freaks have not harmed anyone, and have only caused some people to walk away from them a little faster. However, another freak I studied was highly dangerous. This freak had an assortment of sharp objects, which he enjoyed playing with. He has not hurt anyone yet, but he has come close to it. He nearly stabbed me with a rather large highlighter while I was doing my research. Again, this behaviour ranges from very minor to very serious.
These two types of freaky behaviour are the most common kinds. There are other behavioural patterns which I have not mentioned, but most of them fall into these two categories. Your knowledge of freaky behaviour should help you get along better with freaks, and bring you closer to an understanding with them.
If you know of any freaks, drop a letter in the MacNews mailbox! I would love to hear from you!
Nony LaSouris
Hello! I really got mail today! Honest! I didn't just sit down and make these letters up because I had nothing better to write about! Really, I didn't! So here's the letter:
Dear: Stoopid Head,
You are scum and I hope you implode. By the way, I AM STALKING YOU!!!!!!!!!!
Noel Harrison
Cool! Thank you for your letter.
(mail-getting) Stoopid Head
Dear: Stoopid Head,
You are an evil, depressing, pathetic, sociopathic, degenerated, loser and you suck!
Happy Bunny Flower Person
Cool. Thank you for your letter.
(mail-answering) Stoopid Head
Thanks to everyone who wrote to me! Next week I might have real mail...I mean...have more mail...yes, that's a good excuse...I mean answer.
Until next time, see ya!
(living with the terrible fact that this is really my real life and not some horrible dream) Stoopid Head