10) We can pee sitting down
9) We can cross our legs (guys can too, but, uhhh...)
8) We need only mention "feminine problems" to a male teacher, and we can stay out of class as long as we want
7) We can cry during movies, as opposed to oh-so-masculine guys who complain about having "something in my eye".
6) We can wear pants, skirts, dresses, etc. Guys must wear pants. Only pants (unless they are Scottish or RuPaul)!
5) We get really good grades in the music program
4) Our vocabulary extends beyond single-syllable words
3) They want us more than we want them
2) The reason God created guys first because he needed a rough copy
1) TWO WORDS: Leonardo DiCaprio!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
compiled by basketcase, Nexus, Stumbleine (The Top 10 Reasons Why I Wish I was a Girl!), Toilet Mug & The Female Critics
AND NOW...
A message from The Critic:
Thanks to all those ladies who sent in their lists...I have something to say to the guy who wrote "The Top 10 Reasons Why I Wish I Was a Girl"...YOU NEED HELP!
As for everyone expecting my exclusive interview with Mel Lastman, it has been delayed a week due to the huge work load Mr. Lastman has been experiencing. Stay tuned! Until Next Week...
The Critic
P.S. If anyone taped the NHL All-Star Game from last Sunday, could you please let me know here at MacNews? (Thursdays after school! -shamelessly plugging ed.) CASH REWARD!!! Please!
She looks like any typical 20-year-old. A MAC grad from the Class of '97, Suzana Kazakova should have been in York University by now, studying Business and preparing for a full life in front of her. Instead, she was here at MAC yesterday, asking us for our support in helping her find suitable bone marrow that can save her life.
Currently in a second stint of remission, Suzana was first diagnosed four years ago with leukemia, a form of cancer that involves the overproduction of white blood cells. After years of chemotherapy, Suzana had been in remission for a year until last August, when she suffered a relapse. While chemotherapy is still an option, doctors have told her that her only chance of a full recovery will come from a bone marrow transplant.
With this new bone marrow, new red blood cells could be created, thereby reducing the concentration of white blood cells and ensuring the chance for a full recovery. While the best chances for a bone marrow donor normally comes from a member in the patient's family, tests on Suzana's family in October came up empty. Suzana has since gone back in remission, but no one knows how long it will hold without new bone marrow.
A private clinic will be held this Sunday (25 Jan 1998) at St.Clement's Macedonian Orthodox Church (Banquet Hall), which is located at 76 Overlea Blvd (just west of Don Mills). Between 12 noon-5:30 p.m., anybody of Balkan ancestry (Macedonian, Croatian, Greek, Serbian, Polish, Russian, Bulgarian, Slovenian, Ukrainian, Czech) and up to 60 years of age can come in and have their blood tested. Due to the costs of each test ($50 each), financial donations can be made to The Suzana Kazakova Fund at the Toronto Dominion Bank under Transit #1282, Account #404. Chocolates are also being sold in and around MAC in order to cover the costs of the tests.
However, for those who cannot make it to the private clinic, tests are also being done at Serological Services Limited (586 Eglinton Ave. East, Suite 202): they can be contacted at 489-0372. There is also a National Bone Marrow Registry that is being run by the Red Cross, but they only take donations from individuals between 17-59 years of age: they can be contacted at 974-9900.
While many would jump at the chance of being able to save someone's life, some people are concerned about their health after donating their bone marrow. Suzana's response? While she acknowledges that the donor would take 2-3 weeks to recover from the short-term effects after the operation, "there is no (long -term) risk to anyone except the patient (who is receiving the bone marrow)." Furthemore, "only 7% of the donor's bone marrow will be taken out". As for the minimum age of eligibility at the private clinic, Suzana noted that when one of her relative's forthcoming baby is born later this year, "the baby will also be tested".
As one interviews Suzana, one can't help but ask her about her future after the transplant. In her case, "I'll go back to Business, but at the U of T instead. You know, I'll make it (there)." Hopefully, she'll make it with new bone marrow as well.
Let's save Suzana!
Kathy Tam
Hello! I'm here to tell you about some stuff. Mainly reviews about the two concerts I went to last week. So here are my reviews:
N-E-Wayze, Oasis came on the sound of The Boys are Back in Town (although, they've never really been here, they were in Barrie once but that's another story). Well, Oasis performed for around 90 minutes and they were pretty good, except for the fact that Liam Gallager didn't give a nmad (read it backwards) about the crowd. The most he did was throw his tambourine into the crowd once, I think. Then he left for a while and his brother, Noel had to play solo. He did an amazing acoustic version of Don't Go Away. Liam came back later with his jacket on, ready to leave as soon as he could.
So, the concert was pretty good, if Liam had only cared.
RATING: ***1/2 (That's 3 and a half stars)
Three words: THIS CONCERT ROCKED! Everclear wasn't bad for an opening band but they played so loud that you couldn't hear the singing (which may be or not be bad, depending on what you like).
Between Everclear and OLP, a 22 minuts, old Twilight Zone episode called The Dummy which kinda connected to OLP, but was more annoying than fun and made all 15,000 fand in the Gardens impatient to see Raine and the boys.
However, OLP somply KICKED.........that word! They opened their 100 minute show with a great performance of Automatic Flowers and didn't slow down until the closing, when they sang Clumsy. Not only did the music rock, but Raine actually cares about his fans! Something no self-respecting Oasis member would ever do! He actually thanked his fans ofter the concert!
OLP rules!
RATING: ****1/2
(Concert-going) Stoopid Head
Dear Nony LaSouris,
Because I don't trust Smutton with this letter, I am writing it to you.
I have revently discovered the meaning of the name Smutton. It means a lot of smut. Smut is a type of parasitical fungus that makes black spots on plants. Some if them cause nice flowers to smell like rotten fish. I believe Smutton to be a ton of the stinky type. I hope you will tell Smutton of my discovery and educate him a bit.
Yours truly,
Dr. Purple
(Member of the Society)
Thank you for bringing this to my attention. You must be a very intelligent individual. I have read your letter to Smutton, and he, being his stubborn non-self, ignored it. Long live the Society!
Nony LaSouris
Anti-
Smutton
Society.
'Nuff said.
Smutton
What the hell are you doing right now? Okay, besides reading this article. What are you doing for all of humanity? Wasting your life away, lounging lazily on the couch in a semi-conscious state of ignorant bliss, "tell[ing] the clock to any business that [the media says] befits the hour..."? Are you following in the apathetic footsteps of Gen X? YES, YOU ARE!!! Well, in the words of the Foo Fighters, "This is a call to all my, my generation! This is a call!!!" Generation Y: get up off your ass, get out into that world and make your mark! Yeah, now would be a good time!
Nexus
WARNING!!!:
For those of you who can't contemplate the idea of human inadequacies, stop right now; the following article may cause you to think.
What is our purpose in life? What gives you meaning? Is it the labels you wear? Is it how "cool" you are? Is it what clique you're in? Can life be so meaningless that the only thing concerning you is how others perceive you?
As a personal opponent of conformity, I think we're in a losing situation. We've become so strangled in this pathetic ritual of self-deception that we've lost sight of our own identity. As teenagers, we are in our formative years of development; we can still change, or can we? Nevertheless, humans are incapable of doing so. Our identity is always at one with a collective. We are a mere product of the latest trend, and a mere repetition of a past that always comes full circle.
Dare to be different? You can't.
the Devil's Advocate
In case you missed it, we had a guest speaker last week who was writing a book. We didn't catch the title, but it seemed to be "I Hate Hockey Players." She hated alcohol too, but she seemed to hate hockey players more, even the Chicago Blues. She told the story of an alleged crime which would have been perpetrated by Mark Messier's cousins if they had done what she imagined they were planning to do. She said she did not mention Mark Messier to "create a sensation" but because it would make it "a big story." This crime-which-would-have-been was committed by "former hockey players." She did not explain what that meant. Possibly it meant "every Canadian male." (Except Smutton) She did not mention if she had cousins.
Staff
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With the constant inprovement of voice activation and word processor dictation, keyboards will soon become obsolete. Wvwn now as I am typing, I am plotting to burn the very instrument of this print. Yes, I am forming in my mind a declaration of war against all keyboards and their affiliates. I am greatly destressed in fact, that I actually have to use one to voice my opinions in this paper. I hereby declare all typing classes to be ceased and desisted. And I implore all followers of the United Keyboardacide cult (UK) to join with me in my canpaign against all typing tools. I thank you.
Basil Godevenos
President