There has been a lot of controversy and conversation following Wednesday's hockey player auction. For those of you who did not experience the pleasure of participating or spectating, it was basically just a bunch of ego-freak guys strutting their stuff in front of 200 or so screaming (mostly of fright) girls.
It was all in good fun, and nobody was forced to be "sold" against their will, so why are so many people describing the event, and Thurday's "parade of satin and lace" as demeaning?
As far as I know, the guys had a good time (when are they ever going to be able to wear a dress again?) and everyone who came into contact with any of them had a good laugh. Period. Embarrassing? Yes, for a couple of them (especially for the ones who were sold for five bucks or less), but it was their own choice. Demeaning? Heck no!
Sofi, ed.
New slave strand: Drag Queens
There was a bloody uproar among freedom-fighters (MRA: Macdonald Republican Army) at Sir John Alexander Macdonald Collegiate Institute (or is that institution?) Anyhoo, many of our own Mac hockey lads were seem parading the halls dressed in clothing more popular with the fairer sex. One of our boys was wearing a bleedin' pink dress with a hard hat, reminiscent of what certain members of The Village people might have worn when they were alone. A certain slave was heard to say, (and this comes from a usually reliable source) "Wearing a dress gives me a tingle."
The Mad Irishman
PFC, Anarchist Division
MRA
Here are some jokes I got off the Internet. If you wish me to send you jokes, e-mail me at cuju@writeme.com.
cuju
Now all you women must know that correct support is necessary. If the brassiere is too big, you won't be comfortable.
This article really isn't about that kind of support. This is about the support I recently received from a fan of MacNews. The truly intelligent fan has written an excellent article, which appears somewhere in this issue, which deals with the Anti-Smutton Society and other hate-mail writers. This writer uses the space to speak his/her mind while aiding the writers at MacNews who receive these hateful letters.
Thank you to that person for giving me support.
Smutton
5. The plummeting dollar and inflated gas prices will meet. Mayhem will ensue.
4. It will snow until June, then rain until October and then snow more.
3. The Critic will be assassinated by a disgruntled Backstreet Boys fan.
2. Bill Gates' inflated ego will cause his head to explode. The promotions department will box his grey matter and sell it as Cranium '98. Only $599.99
1. All MacNews members will die in a horrible, horrible accident and Ahhhhhh!
Spanks A lot
Hecubis
I'm writing my thoughts for an old
Friend who's gone,
He suffered for a while and now
He's moved on.
People always said, "He's a real
Go getter!"
And now I feel like crying, because
I wish I knew him better.
I told God to give him a message,
Tell him it's from a friend,
"I always looked up to you right
Through to the very end."
What a great guy, he had so much
To give,
He gave a lot but would have given
More;
He had more of a life to live.
But now he's up in heaven, God's
Got him in His hand.
Looking at the ocean of life,
Minus two footprints in the sand.
(1978-1998)
WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU
Well, what can I say? The office listened to me!!! There's new morning music!!! Kick@$$!!! To the ever-so-wise people who paid attention to my article, I've just one word to say to you: THANKS!!! The ska punk stuff rawks!!! Now if only they'd play the music loud enough for most of us to hear! How 'bout some new speakers? And maybe a bunch of subwoofers, eh? Well, there's something to think about. Maybe my words today won't fall on deaf ears, either.
Desperado
Capricorn
For the duration of the day, your peers are but mere pawns, obedient to your every command. Make the best of this situation, for it will soon be concluded by that ever present merchant of death: the spork wielding assassin.
Aquarius
Even though you may find your appearance, with your "un-mentionables" tucked away between your legs to be the greater display of the feminine attractiveness since Bea Arthur, this is not the opinion of others. Keep your pants on, and if in doubt, blame it on the one armed man (or El Nino).
Pisces
Your wookie may very well be bent, but your day can't get any worse. This is what the annoyingly happy people we all know and hate will tell you, but you will quickly see through their evil and pathetic attempts to make you existence more enjoyable. Save yourself the trouble and make use of the dynamic duo of tall building and hard concrete.
Aries
Your morbid sense of life is making the people around you sick. You're probably the biggest cry baby of the entire Zodiac. And you call yourself the God of War!?
Taurus
People stick their tongues at you for a reason! No, actually I just enjoy making Taurus make stupid faces back.
Gemini
Keep reaching for that rainbow! Even though you are incapable of ever realizing your dreams and aspirations, delusions of grandeur are an excellent character trait. Cynics everywhere will be envious of the sense that enable you to always see the silver lining.
Cancer
Why are Cancers so darn attractive? You go through the opposite sex like chocolate cake; if not chocolate cake, then cigarettes. I doubt this will ever stop unless you smoke cigarettes; then you'll look like you grandma by the age of 30.
Leo
You just suck! Oh ya, and you smell.
Libra
You are an annoyingly happy person. Let me tell you something, ANNOYINGLY HAPPY PEOPLE ARE THE DOWNFALL OF OUR SOCIETY. Don't let the door hit you on the way out. Thank you.
Virgo
You're a violent person today. That's it, give me a break. My brain is tired.
Scorpio
Although you had to pry yourself away from the loving arms of dearest mommy to escape the warm confines of bed this morning, your day will proceed in the usual manner. Try a new hobby; try something creative- I hear the collection of rare and exotic "doo-doo" is very fulfilling.
Saggitarius
So - I bet you expected to find your horoscope here didn't ya!? Well thanks for comin' out, but it aint here. What's that you say? Everyone else got a horoscope, why don't I? Well, the truth is, I felt it would be much more amusing and a better use of space and ink to write this comment instead of your horoscope. Deal with it. Horoscopes are a farce and an insult to your intelligence, anyway.
Shortie
Since I have started to write for MacNews many people have requested to learn more about me. Well, they haven't really but I have no ideas and I really need something to write about.
And so the story goes. My life as a sociopathic, pathetic, degenerated loser began sixteen years ago when I scared the dovtor by being born into this cold, cruel, uncaring world. Now, I've lived this life for... well... my whole life and quite frankly, I'm sick of it.
Well, I'm not that sick of it, I'm sicker of some more things (like homework and math class) but still. I wish there was a place that you could go to and trade in your terrible, badly used life for a new, improved one. They could call it... well... Life Exchange... Place. I'm sorry that's not a good name but I'm tired, hungry, and depressed (in that order).
Well anyway, I've complained enough and you're probably tired of me so I'm gonna go now.
Bye.
(Degenerated) Stoopid Head
Are you involved in many of Mac's clubs? If so, then you know how frustrating it is when you have to go to more than one... or two... or three...
Thursdays are hectic for me. I have to go to Symphony, MacNews, Drama council meetings and the Improv club! Oh, the humanity!
Why do club organizers love Thurdays? There are plenty of other days in the week. How am I supposed to keep up with all of my clubs?
Maybe I should just become less involved. No... I'm too popular for that! Just kidding!
(:CHEEKY:)
Fun and games, fun and games. That's what MacNews is all about, right? Well, enjoy this test of your morals and standards. When you read the instructions, FOLLOW them. TRUST ME. Put your own answers down BEFORE you look at the answers.
A man named Mike (M) and a lady named Lynn (L) are very much in love, and devoted to one another. One day, they are seperated by a river with no way of getting across to the other side. On L's side of the river, there is a boatman named Bill (B) who is able to take her over to the other side of the river, but refuses to do so unless L pays him the price of $20, twice his normal fare. L has no money. Another man named Skip (S) then tells L that he will give her $20 if he is allowed and "indecent proposal" with her. L agrees to do so and on receiving the $20, pays B who takes her over to the other side of the river. L is reunited with M and they are very happy together.
However, a friend of M named Fred (F) finds out what L did with S and immediately tells M. On learning the news M finds L and asks her if what F told M is true. L confirms it, leading M to state that he wants nothing more to do with her.
Your task is to rank these five people, M, L, B, S, and F, from the person you feel is most right to least right.
Don't read any further until you've finished the 1-5. If you do, you'll miss the whole point. when you do finish, scroll down and read on. The order which you've ranked the five people is supposed to represent the importance that you place on different things in your life. 1 being the most important, and 5 being the least important.
The letters stand for:
I'm guessing you know what your answers tell you about yourself. You're either a hopeless romantic, a rich pervert, or a tattle-tailed friend.
GreenEggsAndHam
Great! Now that I have your attention (loser), I have a few comments to make about the most recent issue of MacNews.
It's not any of the member's articles that I have a problem with. My problems rest with those people whose letters were (unfortunately) printed in the paper.
Now, normally, I'm a rather calm and collected person, but when fellow students start slapping each other upside the head without a little bit of self-examination, I have a hard time not flying off the handle.
For starters, what is with you "Anti-Smutton Society" people? You might as well get "LOSER" tattooed across your forehead, because anyone who has enough spare time to start something as sick as that obviously is a very disturbed little person.
Next on my list is something called "Productive Criticism". Now, for those of you hate-mail writers whose brains don't quite seem to be processing anything - period - that simply means "offering suggestions with your feelings, not just slamming the person to the ground", get it? And if you can't think of one good thing to say for every not so good one, then bite your tongue.
And last, but not least, if you think the paper's so terrible, why don't you get off your big, ugly, good-for-nothing a** and come to 114 Thursdays at 3:15 and see how hot you are at making your words shine?
Anon
P.S. Someone is in love with Mr. Will!!!! (No joke)
Hello! I'm baaaaaaack! (Don't be upset. I won't be here for long!) Well, N-E-Wayze (that's not overused contrary to popular belief), South Park's on today and it's really cool, so watch it. While you prepare to feast your eyes and ears on the coolest, bloodiest, most offensive cartoon ever produced, here are some facts about the how that you might not know:
These things must be true because I read them in the world's most influential book since the Bible: TV Guide!
Oh well, gotta go!
(The writer currently known as) Stoopid Head