As most of you already know Seinfeld is on it's final legs. These are the top ten ways to end Seinfeld brought to you by the MacNews crew.
10. George/Jerry/Elaine/Kramer/Newman get married/die a horrible death/pull an Ellen.
9. To prove it's really a show about nothing, NBC should air a half hour of test pattern.
8. Their local coffee shop burns down and they are forced to find a new hang-out. They venture into other popular NBC hang-outs. George and Elaine become permanent fixtures in "Central Perk" on Friends.
7. Kramer runs off and joins the Cuban Army. Jerry is sent undercover to kill him.
6. There is no number six.
5. They all make their way to Scarborough and join the Improv Club. (It's the cool place to be.)
4. The background music goes missing and the show is cancelled.
3. They do an episode which is actually about something.
2. Newman finds out that his mother is a hermaphrodite. He becomes disgruntled. Mayhem ensues.
And the number 1 answer is...
They are all systematically stalked and killed by a knife wielding, mask wearing psycho who is actually one of Jerry's old girlfriends.
MacNews
2-4-6-8: Isn't geography just so great?
Congratulations to Captain Chris and the rest of the two Macdonald teams who competed in Scarborough's Geo-pardy Competition on Wednesday at the Scarborough Town Centre.
Unfortunately, team A was defeated in their first game against Bethune. However, team B defeated two other teams and won forty dollars before losing a very close game against Pearson. All the team members would like to thank Ms. D. Harvey for coaching and supporting them throughout the whole competition.
Nony LaSouris
Last week, there was a single question which was on the minds of most grade ten students at Mac. "Why do the girls and boys have to be separated into different conferences?"
The conference is supposed to show that boys and girls can go into many different careers, without having to worry about their gender. If this is true, then why bother separating the genders?
I have heard from a source that the reason boys and girls have to be separated is because last year, the boys were all rowdy and interfered with the girls' futures. I find it hard to believe that every single boy was being rowdy, and if it was only a small group of boys, then it has nothing to do with separating the genders. Also, the boys who are concerned about their futures will still be disrupted.
I believe that if the only problem is the rowdyness of certain people, the teachers should just monitor the conference and get rid of the people acting up. That way, the people who are not concerned about their futures don't have to attend the conference, and those who are concerned will have a chance to learn.
Nony LaSouris
On Saturday, May 2, 1998, members of the Macdonald Science Club piled into a school bus and went to York University for the Ontario Science Olympiad. We competed in many events, and even won medals in several of them.
We went shopping at York Lanes, a mall inside the university campus. We also enjoyed a chemistry show and barbershop quartet performances.
Throughout the day, CityTV filmed us during our events. The distinctive purple t-shirt of the Macdonald Science Club could be seen in almost every scene during the segment about the Olympiad.
Congratulations to all the winners, and all the other participants as well. We would all like to thank Ms. Coulthart and Mr. Forstall for accompanying us to York University.
Nony LaSouris
Recently, a dog attacked a young child and killed her. Now this dog has been ordered to be euthanised. Now, I completely disagree with this. I know that there is nothing that I can do about this but it's still bothering me.
If a human killed another human in this country, would they be killed? No, they would just be thrown in jail. If a human killed many people would they be executed? No, again. If a dog, who has much more limited mental capacties than a human being, killed a human, it is instantly sent to be killed.
Dogs do not really know the meaning of right or wrong, especially not nearly as much as a human does. Especially if it's owner does not teach it the difference.
What makes me even more upset is that it was the owner himself who asked for the dog to be euthanised. If a young child, for example, killed someone, would the parents be allowed to simply tell the authorities to kill the child? No. A request like that would be met with outrage and disgust. Why is a dog different?
I don't think it should be.
See ya!
(Upset with this descision) Stoopid Head
Recently the mouse balls in some of the computer class rooms have gone missing. The culprit? We are uncertain at this moment in time. What could the person be doing with these mouse balls? Could their mice be mouse-balled-impaired? Or could there be an illegal ball running operation out of the school?
Who needs these mouse balls? Might experiments be conducted with them? They are so small and useless. They are basically not good for anything but being used by the mouse.
I hope that the sick individual who stole these balls will return them to the ball-deprived mice as soon as possible. Thank you for your time.
Smutton
Yesterday in Society class, we were discussing cloning. You know, whether or not it's ethical to clone humans and use them as organ donors in case we ever get sick. A lot of opinions were expressed in that hour and it really made me think.
I was just wondering how many clones the scientists would make of humans. I mean, there are 6 billion people on earth, so would they make 6 billion clones? Gee, six billion clones! Wouldn't that constitute a race? And wouldn't we be judged by how we treat that race?
Just consider that in the history of most cultures and countries that there have always been disposable people. They do the dirty work. They do the work that no one else wants to do because it's too difficult and too hazardous. So an army of clones would all be disposable. You wouldn't have to think about their welfare or how they feel. Whole generations of disposable people.
I'm talking about slavery. You may think that's a little harsh or extreme but I don't think it's a harsh or extreme. I think that's the truth. But that is a truth that we have obscured behind a comfortable, easy euphemism : property.
But that's not the issue at all, is it? (Sorry, rhetorical question.)
(:CHEEKY:)
Watching the Odyssey '98 fashion show preview, I am convinced this year's show will be as lame and tepid as in previous years. (Judging by the clips of Fashion Show '93 and Allure '94.) Filled to the brim with superego "models" who wouldn't know fashion if it hit them, the high point of the fashion show seems to be the overloud music played through the decades-old hi-fi speakers borrowed from the school. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the coordinators of the fashion show had to work hard to get Bridlewood Mall's Flexx sports store to lend their slowest selling Nike and Adidas apparel to the fashion show. Wow, and all for five dollars? I'll certainly be first in line. By the way, if this show is annual, why didn't our school have a fashion show last year?
GreenEggsAndHam
Anne is an adaptation of the novel Anne of Green Gables by the Canadian author, L. M. Montgomery. The adaptation was written by Paul Ledoux, and stars Jennie Raymond as Anne Shirley.
In this dramatization, the story starts with Anne returning from Queen's University, then goes back to the time when she first came to Prince Edward Island. The story then follows the basic storyline of the original novel.
Paul Ledoux did a very good job condensing the novel into a dramatization without losing any of the humour and excitement that made millions of readers love the novel. Very much of the dramatization stayed true to the story. It did not wander too far away from the original storyline, even with a smaller range of characters and a limited amount of time.
The casting directors did a good job choosing actors who look like the characters they play, except for the character of Diana Barry. After seeing the movie version of Anne of Green Gables, the Diana Barry in the dramatization seemed "wrong". This can happen when there are numerous versions of the same story in different forms.
The actors also did a very good job. Jennie Raymond succeeded in capturing the spirit and personality of Anne, even though her voice did not seem to match the part. After comparing this Anne to the movie version, this Anne's voice seemed too raspy to be Anne. The actors portraying Marilla and Matthew Cuthbert also did very well. You can clearly see Marilla's annoyance and anger, and Matthew's love for Anne.
The lighting crew and set designers are people who are often forgotten, but in this production, they deserve to be recognised. The lighting effects were well done for the river scene, in which Anne floats down the river playing the part of Elaine of Camelot. The stage was well designed, allowing everyone to see all parts of the production.
It was a very worthwhile experience for us to see this production of Anne. I would recommend it for all Anne fans and also for English and drama classes of all grades.
Nony LaSouris
We here at MacNews felt that it was about time to bring about change in this world. We want you to find how many mistakes are in this issue of MacNews. Your prise will be an honourary Editorship for next week. Good luck to all.
(I got the power) Hecubis
The cast of CBC's This Hour Has 22 Minutes may now be on vacation. Nevertheless, fans of the popular news spoof got their "funny bones" worked up two weeks ago at Chapters on Yonge and Steeles. The occasion? Not to watch TV, but to hear Rick Mercer, a.k.a. "J.B. Dickson", rant from his new book, Streeters: Rants and Raves from This Hour Has 22 Minutes.
Unfortunately, Yours Truly only heard the last ten seconds of Mercer's reading. Due to a bus delay, I missed the first ten minnutes of his "22 Minute"-long signing session.
Fortunately, the writer formerly known as Sarcasium not only got to meet the ranter himself once, but twice, courtesy of his publisher. However, she seemed to be in a hurry: she probably wanted an early vacation, just like the one that Mercer and his colleagues at 22 Minutes already have. Hey, signing books is a job too!
While I was the last person to show up for the reading, I ended up being the third person in line to have his/her copy of Streeters autographed. Sitting jovially with his glasses, Mercer, who is best known for his political ranting on 22 Minutes, actually encouraged me to send him one of my own rants after I told him about my ranting days here at MacNews.
Since that day was also Canada Book Day, I asked him during our second meeting what his favourite book was. His answer? "Rare Birds by Edward Riche. It's hilariously funny."
The same can be said of Streeters. Just published by Doubleday Canada, it contains the best of Mercer's "rants and raves" during his past five seasons on 22 Minutes. While the chances of Senator Pat Carney becoming the "President" of "the Country of British Columbia" are as good as that of Rick Mercer becoming Prime Minister, his rants on 22 Minutes have become staples of a political junkie's diet every Monday night. So much so that by the end of the 1997-1998 TV season, the ratings for 22 Minutes had eclipsed that of CBC's other flagship news show, The National.
With so many Canadians now entrusting their faith in comedians rather than in politicians or in Peter Mansbridge, no wonder Rick Mercer is referred to as "Parliament's 'Unofficial Opposition'". Mercer's rants have earned him such a cult following that he now gets more attention on Parliament Hill than all the opposition parties combined! (Those who later saw Alexa McDonough "bash" Mercer on TV over his rant Alexa On Top at an Ottawa signing session would get the picture!) When Labour Day comes around, it's a sure bet that Mercer and his gang at 22 Minutes will once again gain our undivided attention.
Now, for the rants that I was promising to send him...
Kathy Tam
Hello! Tonight's South Park is the first one shown on television. Ya know, the anal probe and the "kick the baby" one. It rules! Watch it!
See ya!
(That guy who doesn't really do much but write about stuff in that paper with those people on Thursday after school) Stoopid Head