Don't have enough homework? Sick of sitcom re-runs? Need some kind of brain stimulus to know you're alive? Get some fast, easy relief... no, not drugs!... Check out "Springer Fever" at http://www.suck.com/daily/98/04/24/ and chase that boredom away.
A humourous look at the nature of Jerry Springer, nothing escapes scrutiny; from show topics, to the fans, to those lovely guests, and the very man, Springer himself, Suck has got all the bases covered. Thought Jerry Springer left no room for improvement? Think again. Thanks to the twisted writers at Suck, you can enjoy a plethora of makeover tips headlined by titles such as...
"Too Many Words, Not Enough Sticks or Stones"
"Winner Takes Lying, Cheating, Unemployed A$$****" (as vs. the a$$**** getting to make big decision. A suggested remedy for the lack of bloodshed.)
"The Jerry Springer Show - Sumo Edition"
"Tell Him That You're Always Going to Love Him" (where final thoughts becomes Vinyl Thoughts)
...and more!
If you're yearning for the simplicity of picture books of yester year, don't worry, this site is graphic friendly. So relax, sit back and enjoy!
muzzle
Hello, I am John Papamarko, your new male Grade 12 SAC rep. I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who voted for me. THANK YOU. I would also like to give severe props to those who aided me in my campaign; Ken Churchil, Sofi Papamarko, Matt Ridgeway, all those who wore my signs, and others who supported me in other ways, especially the voters.
I promise that I will do my part to make next year the best one possible for MAC students. I would also like to congratulate my opponent Johnson for running a clean (and environmentally friendly) campaign. I am looking forward to running again in the future. Thank you all.
JP
Yesterday to the delight and pleasure of everyone who shelled out (get it, shell, egg, it's a play on words) $30 at the beginning of the year for yearbook received the wonderful Destiny yearbook. It's good and everything inside but the cover is well... kinda not up to standards.
EGGS!!!!!!! Why eggs?!?! I don't understand the "planet of the giant egg carton" thing. Why is it there? I don't mean to insult the person who drew it, I mean the drawing is good and everything, but why eggs?
Also, how come the school name and the year are not on the spine? I liked that. It made the yearbook look cool on a book shelf.
Finally (if I haven't already complained enough), the yearbook should be black. BLACK RULES!
(eggless) Stoopid Head
stoopid_head@hotmail.com
P.S. I'd like to take this opportunity to suck up to... I mean... thank departing editor Sofi.
This year is the last year that Sofi will be the editor of MacNews. She has written an article in this very issue of MacNews. We will miss her very much, and we hope that she will return occasionally to write under her pseudonym "basketcase". Congratulations to the future editors, whoever they are!
The One-Armed Men
I can't think of anything to write. 'Nuff said.
Desperado
It's easy to be fond of a teacher who teaches you a subject that you like. It's quite a bit harder, however, to think well of a teacher who teaches you a subject that you suck at. That's what makes Mr. Chow so special - a MATH teacher worthy of adoration? That's unheard of... almost.
Mr. Chow is a very special human being. You either love him and declare that he is the greatest teacher to ever tread the face of the earth, or you are the one guy who despises him. There is no ambivalence when it comes to Mr. Chow.
I know that I'll always remember 10th grade math class as a class of strangers who later "gelled nicely" to become a group of friends who helped one another along.
All who've ever been taught by this man know the routine:
After meeting Mr. Chow at Parent's Night, my mother remarked how enthusiastic and full of energy he was. She couldn't believe that he'd been teaching for as long as he had. It seemed like he was fresh out of teacher's college.
Even though it's been over two years since I was in his class, every time we pass in the halls, Mr. Chow always strikes up a conversation (unlike some other teachers who don't even acknowledge the presence of their former students with a nod). He genuinely cares about the students he teaches, and instead of becoming tired of his profession, he revels in our youth and enthusiasm, staying young and enthusiastic himself.
Mr. Chow, enjoy your retirement. Although this particular dear lamb never got the knack for algebra, and prefers poetry over Pascal, know that I will wipe away a tear when you drive that orange car of yours into the sunset (sniff, sniff). I pity any student who hasn't had the chance to be taught by you. You will be missed.
Sofi, ed.
Hello. This is real mail, honest. No, it really is. I didn't just make it all up. Okay, good, that'll fool 'em. Oops! I shouldn't have written that. I'd better start the article now or everybody will catch on that this is fake mail. Uh oh, stop typing everything you think, Stoopid Head. I know it's not much but just stop. Stop! STOP! Now!
Dear Stoopid Head
You are the greatest writer that MacNews has ever seen. You are superior to all the other writers in every way. You should be elected the Official Ruler of the World. I think you are the closest thing to perfection that this world will ever know.
-Stoopid Head Worshipper
Thank you for your letter. I always like to hear from a member of many many legions of fans. Thanks again.
-(thankful) Stoopid Head
Dear Pathetic Loser who Dumb People Call Stoopid Head
You are the scum of the earth. I hate you and both of my friends do to. I hope that you are kicked out of MacNews because you SUCK! Oh yeah, and you probably look weird, too.
-Hate Mongerer
I always appreciate comments from the readers, negative or positive, but in this case I think you are very dumb. thank you for your letter N-E-Wayze.
-(wonderfully) Stoopid Head
As long as I keep making up... I mean, as long as you keep sending me letters, I'll keep answering them in this paper. Thanx a lot! If you want to send me mail, e-mail me at stoopid_head@hotmail.com
(not faking this mail) Stoopid Head
Yesterday, many of us piled up in the office hallway, waiting for our very own copy of this year's yearbook. When we finally got them, some people were pleased, some people were disappointed, and others had no reaction and only wanted to get back to the caf.
The editors of the yearbook should be congratulated for doing such a great job. They have worked long hours and even with numerous interruptions, managed to put out a yearbook that looks great!
To all those people (including myself) who have complaints about the yearbook, forget about it! There's nothing that can be done about it and the editors have enough on their minds.
Nony LaSouris
P.S. To C.R., A.W.: Sorry I didn't think before mentioning the 1 mistake out of 15 000 names. Please forgive me!!!
Today, huge iguanas stampeded around rooms that involved computer lessons. Every individual student promotes out intense need to let everyone sing songs.
Nony LaSouris
P.S. If you take the first letter of each word in the main body of the above article, you will see what this article is about.
This is going to be hard to write. This is my final article as editor of MacNews. As I'm going to be at Music Camp in exactly five days, I have to write this now. After this, my third year of being known as "Sofi, ed.", I have decided to resign from this much sought-after position. Why? Because I'm tired. That, and I'm going to be in co-op next year, and I won't be able to devote as much time to extra-curricular activities. Also, I feel that MacNews needs new blood - it's time to give one of the young 'uns a chance at the glory I've hogged for so long.
I'm still going to write the occasional article next year, however. The only difference will be that I will no longer be staying up until 2:30 in the morning doing layout, nor will I be responsible for errors in spelling and punctuation. Yaaaay! I'm free at last! I kan fiel miself sliping allreddy!
I'd like to thank all those who have made MacNews what it is - the writers and artists of the past, present and future, as well as Mr. Hughes and Mr. Forsythe, our staff advisors.
And now, the news you've all been waiting for! The new editor of MacNews is going to be (insert tension and drama building drumroll here): no one.
Yep, that's right. NO ONE! Hahahahahahahahaha! That's right, all that sucking up to me for nothing! You see, what's really going on is that we haven't yet decided who's going to become the illustrious editor of MacNews. Next year, people will show up and write, and Mr. Hughes will proofread. If there is a writer who displays creativity and loyalty, (as well as proving that they can spell), we will declare that person to be the new ed. Ta-daaaaaaa!
Anywho, I've really had a lot of fun. As editor of MacNews (for the next two minutes or so), I can honestly say that we've got the best weekly student-written high school newspaper that there is (of course, weekly student-written high school newspapers are hard to come by, but nevertheless...)
I hope we've entertained you during long lunch periods, informed you about things you wouldn't otherwise know, and made you laugh on a bad day. If we've done just one of these things, then we've done our job.
"Won't you look at me, I'm crazy, but I get the job done.
I'm crazy, but I get the job done."
-Ben Folds Five
Sofi, (former) ed.
P.S. RAISINS SUCK!!!