Dear Mac News,
Boy are you right! this week's issue does suck -- Really badly!!! I think you should get a new editor and print better articles. And put SOMETHING on the background. Hey, who is Guinness Guy? Another thing, don't apologise for things you have controll over - like the background - just put anything on it. I remember the old Mac News' - they were fun to read.
Get your butt in gear ed.!
A dissapointed reader
Dear Reader,
We apologize profusely for our issue last week. Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry...HEY, WAIT A SECOND! We don't have to apologize for a thing! It's now our turn to criticize you! Moo ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha (cackling madly)!
Your letter was very badly written. You have awful penmanship! First off, it took us five hours to decode your handwriting. When we did decode it, the spelling and punctuation was so autrocious that it took even longer to read. And about your background...
MacNews
(one word)
Flipping channels on Monday night, I stumbled across TVO...I don't usually watch it, but something kept me watching...it was the days proceedings from Queens Park. That was the day when 5 MPP's were kicked out because they refused to remove their green ribbons in support of getting rid of Bill 160. The leader of the NDP kept asking Dave Johnson to remove the bill. Johnson kept saying how great it was and how the government was confident that it is best for the province. That is absolute garbage. I wasn't completely against the government at the start, but I realize now, that the government isn't listening...at all. Democracy is dead in this province. If bill 160 goes through, God help us all.
The Critic
"They're not exams, they're big tests." That is what all of my teachers have told me. They seem to have forgotten the second part of the sentence: "big tests that are written in place of exams, in the subjects that you would normally have exams in, and are worth as much as exams. However they aren't exams." Now, I don't know about you, but why don't we just call them (here comes the bad word...) EXAMS!
Now before you start yelling at me I'd just like to say this: think about it, you can call them by different names, put them in a different week, and make us go to class when we're not writing them, but they're still EXAMS, dagnabbit! Even though we can't call them that.
Remember, the swear word of the week is...EXAMS!
See ya!
Stoopid Head
Hi, everyone. Thanks for paying attention to me. Now that you're reading my article, I'll take the time to make several complaints.
First, I recently received a plaque for a subject award. The "M" on the plaque fell off. My classmate also received a "defective" plaque. I'm not blaming the staff for this, but shouldn't the plaque manufacturers have used any better double-sided tape?
Another thing I have on my mind is the filming of our music class. It made me very nervous and I almost thought about crying. Many of us were worried that we would be seen on television and laughed at. Worst of all, they interviewed PAUL GVILDYS!!!! That's !!!!SYDLIVG LUAP backwards.
That's all I have for now. Thank you for being patient and reading all the way through my article.
Nonviolent Lashing
Have you ever had the misfortune of being involved in a one sided conversation with someone you don't want to be conversing with? To get out of them, try these:
Guinness Gal
Capricorn
The cash is / or will be rolling in for you. Money won't be a problem... for now.
Taurus
You're well liked this week, although you may find you have to talk to someone you dispise.
Aquarius
Your friends miss you because you haven't been spending a lot of time with them lately.
Sagittarius
Your birthday is coming up. Don't get stuck doing the so old thing... throw marshmallows at Rainbo Brite!
Virgo
Nothing of any relevance or of importance is going to happen in the near future. You'll be lucky to see Simpson's reruns or a Die Hard movie.
Libra
In the near future you will romp playfully in cream cheese and marshmallows. This means you will be happy because everything is soft and mellow.
Gemini
Keep your temper around the teacher you wouldn't mind seeing getting beaten with dirty gym socks. Believe it or not he wants you to pass so that he won't have to teach you again next year. Oh ya, stay away from pumpkins! Bananas?!
Cancer
You're feeling down in the dumps lately, pick yourself up or it could have some long term effects.
Leo
Today is the beginning of a very important week-end! Keep relaxed and there could be some money involved in it for you.
Scorpio
Your sensing no making. Start concentrating.
Pisces
You're so overly happy this month, that by the end of the year (97) someone will be plotting your death.
Aries
Time to start with the studying! You have no time to laugh at HICKS! I mean people... who do stuff with cows... on farms.
Shortie
Ozzy Osbourne
The Ozzman Cometh
Epic 1997
I know what you're thinking, "Ozzy Osbourne. Didn't he like bite the heads off of chickens or something?" Yes, the Marilyn Manson of the 1970's is back with a new greatest hits album. This 2 CD set chronicles Ozzy's career over the past three decades. This is his first release since 1995's "Ozzmosis" which spawned the hits "Perry Mason" and "I Just Want You". The new album starts with previously unreleased versions of the Black Sabbath classics "Black Sabbath" and "War Pigs" found on tapes in Ozzy's attic. I was amazed at how clean sounding the songs were considering they're almost twice as old as I am.
After Ozzy was fired by the other members of Black Sabbath for being "too weird" he teamed up with hair band Quiet Riot's frontman and guitar dynamo Randy Rhoads. Together they released Ozzy's first of many solo albums titled "Blizzard of Ozz" in 1981. This album bore my favourite Ozzy song by far "Crazy Train". If you buy this album (and I'm hoping you do) you'll hear why (in my humble opinion) this song has one of the greatest guitar solos ever.
Also on the album is the song "Over the Mountain" whose chord progressions are strikingly similar to the first song on the album "Black Sabbath". This album contains the song "No More Tears" which has one of the most memorable beginning base runs ever written. Taken from the same album is the frightingly acoustic "Mama, I'm Coming Home".
Ozzy wrote one new song for this release called "Back on Earth" which incorporates what sounds like a pipe organ. This gives it a sombre feeling which gets wiped out when it hits the chorus. The second disc contains 2 more previously unreleased Sabbath tunes, "Fairies Wear Boots" and "Behind The Wall of Sleep". It also includes an 18 minute interview from 1988.
In my opinion this album is the perfect way to bring in the new millenium and the fourth decade of wicked music. I give "The Ozzman Cometh" four out of five pentograms.
"I'm going off the rails..."
Tony M. Nyphot
"They're not exams, they're big tests." I don't know about you, but I'm getting sick of everyone calling them EXAMS. They are not exams, dagnabbit! They're on a different day, they're five minutes longer, and we have to go to class when we're not writing them. I don't know why people call them exams when they are clearly not. Stop calling them that, dagnabbit!
Remember, the swear word of the week is...EXAMS!
Goodbye!
Smart Foot
If anyone dodn't notice, last week's MacNews was pretty boring. Do you want to know why? Well here's my theory. Some people behind the scenes at MacNews are, well, to be honest and blunt, geeks! Also, everyone is afraid to make an a$$ of themselves and write really offensive stuff. The juicy articles are the ones made from 100% pure artificial additives, and poke fun at people and things around us. For example, I was dissatisfied last week so I wrote a bad letter and ya know what!- it's in this issue. (Look for it.) Anyways, I forgot where this was going, but my to-the-point point is: All brontosauri are skinny at one end, much, much thicker in the middle, and skinny again at the other end.
Phoebs