Hoping you had an enjoyable and safe summer, the writers of MacNews welcome you back to what we hope to be a great year at Mac. We've got loads of fresh ideas and some new writers who will be sure to make you laugh, cry, think (hopefully not too hard), sleep (sometimes); pretty much everything.
Our Editor, Sofi Papamarko, was frothing with excitement over the interest portrayed by potential writers yesterday at our first meeting in Rm 144 (a.k.a. the "Happy" Room). All we can say is, "Relax Sof, it's just a freakin' high school newspaper."
Our staff advisor, Mr. R. Hughes, is also pumped at the thought of overseeing such prodigious young journalists (and layout people). "I'm pumped, damnit", said the always eloquent Hughes, right before he went home with Dr. Quin, Medicine Baby.
Sports Editor, L.A. Tziki Sauce was unable to attend the meeting due to a hot date, but conveys her best wishes to her many fans. "Luv you lots, sweeties!"
As for the rest of the crew, they can go to bed early while us two layout people do the real work; putting the gosh darn thing together. Happy Reading!
Erin & Ameet
Layout Dudes
MacNews Online can now be found on Yahoo! If you ever forget that wonderful address (http://macnws.home.ml.org) you can now go to www.yahoo.com and do a search for MacNews!
On a side note. The at-the-moment boring school site of Sir John A. Macdonald C.I. can also be found on Yahoo!
Don't forget to e-mail us with any comments or questions at macnews@iname.com.
The One-Armed Men
Dear Mamma Babooshka,
At the beginning of the school year, I always buy a bunch of brand new pens. By the end of the year, I always have the same number of pens, yet they are different pens that I don't remember buying. What causes this phenomenon?
Puzzled
Dear Puzzled,
I, too, am familiar with this strange phenomenon, as you call it. In my ever-so-humble opinion, I believe that pens feel repressed midway through the year, and alter their appearance somewhat, bored of their image (in this respect, they are somewhat like humans).
For example, a clear BIC pen may get sick of its outwardly appearance, and change into a slightly chewed upon pen from "Mountain Equipment Co-op" or something.
In later years, the pen may transform into another object altogether, such as a pencil sharpener, but metamorpheses like that take a long, long time.
Yours cryptically,
Mamma Babooshka
Dear Editor,
I've been reading MacNews for a long time and it is not interesting enough. It's a good thing that it comes out on Friday because I sometimes use it to wrap my fish and chips. Please try to put in good stuff.
Disgruntled Reader
P.S. I love SAM. He's the coolest. Can you tell me his real name?
Dear Disgruntled,
What a coincidence! I used MacNews to line my bird's cage, and thats's before it hits the press. (Hmm....maybe that's why you find it uninteresting...)
Oh, Sam's real name is Super Article Manufacturer. It's S.A.M.. It's short, just like H.A.L. or K.I.T.
Your ever-faithful ed,
Sofi
In the world of papparazzi, there is many a victim. One was the crown jewel in the British Royal Family. On, August the 31st, the world lost Diana, Princess of Wales.
Her contributions to AIDS victims, the poor and more recently, the elimination of land mines, were exemplary. She is succeeded by her two sons, William and Harry.
Since initial reports, her driver has been found to have three times the legal French limit. The car Diana was in fleeing the papparazzi. Who's to blame? In the coming weeks, the media may focus in on one person, or will the death of a living legacy become unsolved along the likes of JFK, Bruce Lee, Marilyn Monroe and Elvis Presley.
To quote someone I forgot the name of, "She was born a lady, became a princess, and died a Saint." The world will miss her greatly.
GreenEggsAndHam
H: Simpsons kick!
U: ...the bucket.
H: O.K...you want a duel? You got one!
U: En garde.
H: Homer's the sexiest man on television.
U: George makes me go wild!
H: Jerry can't act!
U: Smithers is gay.
H: "Not that there's anything wrong with it..." right?
U: My people aren't yellow.
H: So, now you're playing the racism card, eh? Bigot.
U: AAawright..I take that back banana boy.
H: Seinfield's a terrible comedian.
U: Skinner's a mama's boy.
H: Seinfield's on a week-day...
U: Simpsons are on FOX...
H: .........crud.........
Homercles & Uncle Leo
It's time again to open my mailbag. Today we look at a letter from Sarah Chigaco from Georgian Bay.
Dear Smutton,
All your articles stink. I think you should die, you evil being. Sofi, will reign supreme!
From Sof...er, ah, Sarah Chigaco
Dear Sarah,
I couldn't agree with you more. All my articles do stink and Sofi is the best editor in the world.
Anywho, over the course of the year, articles from myself, Nony LaSouris, and those wacky One-Armed Men, will change slightly for personal reasons. Don't worry, this article will probably be the most serious article this year.
Smutton
Useless pages. For those of you who spend any great amount of time on the internet know what I'm talking about. They are the web sites that the net king decides are of no value or are pretty much useless. I am a partner in one of these pages.
Ban the raisin! That is the motto that we the members of the anti-raisin association have posted throroughly throughout our webpage. For the full anti-raisin effect you are going to have to visit our webpage (Webmasters Note: The writers of this article forgot the sites URL, but I was able to find it. Go to http://members.tripod.com/~Yates1/index.htm.), but here are some common raisin myths broken down for those of you without a computer.
Myth - raisin are a complete part of a nutritious breakfast.
Fact - raisins have been linked to extreme acne, which may cause irritability. They have also been linked to problems with the digestive system.
Myth - the California Raisins are well honoured as musicians considered to have great talent.
Fact - they are not real raisins, but instead organically grown steroids using raisins.
Myth - the Sun-Maid Raisin girl is an adorable role model for many of today's youth.
Fact - she is a merketing scheme and is completely propaganda. She is here for one reason and one reason only, she's out to get YOU! (It's amazing what make up can do, isn't it?)
So now that you know the truth about raisins, it's time to get involved in what you believe in. For more information on how to help, look up the web site on the internet, after all it's our world, and our children are at stake. BAN THE RAISIN!
Olivia-Jayne, Heather Cunningham, and Sean