Okay, so here's the scene:
It's one of those boring afternoons when you decide "Hey, I need some gum," but a quick check of your pockets reveals that not only do you not have a lot of cash, but you don't have any gum, either. You figure "I'll just take a stop at_______(insert your local junkfood supplier here) and pick some up."
Walking down the street, you can almost taste the sweet flavour of _____( insert favourite gum and manufacturer here); the bursts of fruity/minty/cinnammony satisfaction...
Opening the door, you stoll in and make a hurried bee-line to the candy rack. A quick scan of the display leaves you shocked. "Where's my ______(insert gum name here)?" Fearing that it's either ______ (insert the nastiest flavour you can think of here) or no gum, your choices are sadly limited.
All of a sudden, something catches your eye. It's the packages letters that have your attention, and the decision is clear: Jolly Rancher Bubble Gum! "Everyone LOVES those things, and ______(insert the yummiest flavour of J.R.s here) has ALWAYS been my fave!" A glance at the price lets you know that you've made the right choice-or not?
What happened next is a blur to you. All you care about is the precious package in your hand. Your fingers fumble as you unwrap the first piece, slowly raising it to your lips. In it goes. Ah, the flavour floods your mouth as you sink your teeth into the soft fruity gum. You sigh as you swallow, and feel the sugary yum-yum goodness slide down your throat- along with half of the piece! You start to gag. "Ugh! How could Jolly Rancher be so cheap?" you ask, spitting out the rest of the now guck-yuck goo. Your moment of joy is now faded and gone. You yearn for some REAL chewy satisfaction, which you definitely couldn't get from Jolly Rancher Bubble Gum...
The five seconds of yummy flavour aren't worth the money, or the disappointment.
"What great potential," you think, "Too bad it all just fell apart..."
Qu
P.S. This is not an actual account, and was not intended to insult any Jolly Rancher Bubble Gum fan, living or deceased, but my question is "Hasn't this ever happened to YOU!?"
One of the most intriguing mysteries that has plagued humanity since the beginning of...public transportation is: "Why do TTC photographers have to take our pictures up our noses?"
I, after many days of researching and pondering the question, I have come to the conclusion that it is to prepare us for an alien invasion. The cameras they use are actually transporters, that beam an alien virus up our noses and into our brains. This virus can only be transferred through the nasal passages.
You may now be thinking, "How do you know this?" It is because I have no brain for the virus to invade, and so it has not affected me.
My advice for you? Fight the aliens!! Look down for TTC photos so that your nostrils are protected! This way, the virus will not be able to enter your brain. Hopefully, we can prevent the alien invasion before it's too late.
Nony LaSouris
Before I start, I'd like to get this off my chest: IT'S REALLY COLD!
I know that this is Canada and that our winters are some of the coldest (and longest ) in the world but, come on, it's September! This week has been really freakin' freezing! Especially Tuesday and Wednesday! I think that on Thursday they either smartened up and turned on the heat, we all just got used to the cold and it didn't bother us anymore, or we were just too tired to care, but Thursday didn't seem so cold.
I know that a lot of you will think that I'm a wuss and that's the way Canada is and that may be your opinion, which you are entitled to and you can express it, but remember, this is my article, isn't it?
Stoopid Head
Why the heck do students need a TTC card? Other than offering free desserts with McDonald's Extra Value Meals, we shouldn't need them.
Take a look at "2 Much School"'s TTC card. Other than looking kind of drunk, it shows what kind of amateur photographers the TTC hires. I guess you can call them a "Second Nike." (Saving money wherever possible.)
Anyway, we believe the heck with TTC student cards!
The New Group
What's wrong with reading comic books? Nothing. But why do I still have to hide the comics when I enter the school, worried I'll be ridiculed much like a common thief? The answer is simple: racism. The world thinks a comic book cover is worse than a novel cover.
Today this racism came to my attention more than ever. I was returning to the school from the local comic shoppe, and someone looked at me in disgust. "Why don't you grow up?" she exclaimed. I thought this to be stupid since I was carrying a JLA comic (those of you who don't know, this is one of the best comic books out there -- if not the best!!), and she was holding in her hand an old R.L. Stine Fear Street novel.
Stop the hatred! Stop the senseless namecalling! Stop the insanity!! Comic books deserve a place in our literature that should be enjoyed by all.
Smutton
Hey everybody, I've got a great idea. Let's tell teachers how lazy and overpaid they are and what outrageous vacations they have.
Let's make their classes really big with all different levels of students withy many different kinds of problems. Let's take away their planning time.
Let's increase the length of the school year and make almost everything in their contracts non-negotiable. Let's take all control of the teaching profession out of the hands of teahcers since they are so incompetent.
Let's make sure that teachers are really stressed and have really low morale, and when we've finally convinced everyone how useless teachers are, let's send them our children to teach and take care of.
Found in the Toronto Star
Steven Katz
Mississauga
So, you're feeling the onsets of hunger. You're oh, oh,...oh hungry; no, not for an "Oh Henry", for something a little more sophisticated like a Reese Peanut Butter Cup. But there's none in sight.! So, what do you do? Here's a quick recipe for homemade Oreo peanut butter circles.
stuff you need:
Mmmmmmmmmmnyummy!!!!!!!!
And since this scrumptious tasty treat may dehydrate your pleasureful palate, I suggest a fresh pint of Guinness for everyone of legal age.
Guinness Gal
No holding back, we're in society whether you like it or not...
{C: The man himself, Casino Dean
P: Picabo Street, his girlfriend
J & K: Strangers met in the elevator}
These are the voyages of Casino Dean...Its continuing mission is to seek out new casinos and felt tables...To wager, where no man has wagered before:
P: Honey, where are you going?
C: I'm leaving for a couple hours, gangster.
P: Don't call me gangster, call me honey or sweetheart.
C: Listen here, your name is PICABO STREET, I'll call you whatever I want...gangster.
(CASINO LEAVES THE APARTMENT)
C: Geez, man. Time to rock the house. What's taking this elevator so long, its acting like a gangster. (DING) Going down?
J: Yep.
C: hey...
J: How's it going?
C: Whoa, this elevator looks like a casino. Hey, what floor do ya think we'll stop at first? Camon. . .I'll give you the odds, you take 8 and 5, man... these buttons look like the slots don't they?
J: Who are you?
C: I'll take the 4th floor. There goes your 8.
J: I don't wanna bet!
C: Sure you don't. Everyone's got a little gangster in them.(DING) Ahh, 5th floor? You won. ('J' GETS OUT) Hey, where are you going...gangster.('K' ENTERS)
K: Hey...
C: Which floor.
K: Lobby.
C: That's already taken.
K: What are you talking about?
C: Like you don't know. I've got a 5 spot on the lob...
K: Put me down for 2 loons on the 2nd.
C: You're down. (DING)
K: Pay up.
C: C'mon...going up, double or nothing.
To be continued...
Homercles & Uncle Leo
When I say I think of you
Know that I will always think of you.
When I say I miss you
Know that you will always be in my heart.
When I say I need you
Know that I will always need you.
When I say I'll be there
I will always be there.
Know that I will always love you.
King
If the rainbow is the symbol of homosexuality, are the little people who mend shoes by moonlight of that sort?
Darby O'Gill