5. Take a photograph of the empty hallway. Tape it to the camera.
4. Stage an elaborate play using mime, and perform it in front of the cameras during your spare.
3. Break into the office and record a continuous loop of the surveillance camera video. Then, drive a speeding bus through the front of the school.
2. Wear a sandwich board that says "HI MOM!!!" like those people who stand outside of the window on Good Morning America! Wave enthusiastically as though you're actually on television.
1. Paint a word on it in mirror image. We suggest Orwellian...
Sofi
What is it with the grade nines at Mac this year? How come they all think they're so cool? They strut around like they own the place. I don't know about you, but they seem very mouthy. Didn't anyone teach them to respect their elders? When I was in grade 9 if anyone gave lip to a senior student, they'd be pantsed and beaten so fast it'd make your head spin. I being a grade 12 student feel that these young'uns aren't getting the full high school experience. I propose that we make initiation a kind of spirit week. You pay 50 cents and get to wail on any niner you want. All proceeds would go to the SAC or the school (or any unfortunate niner's medical expenses). I take solace in the fact that due to the Harris government, next year's niners will be graduating after four years. What's the biggie, you ask? This means that they will be graduating at the same time as this year's niners. In the big picture, this means that twice as many people will be applying to university or college at the same time, twice as many people vying for the coveted job of "burger flipper". I have nothing to worry about, by that time I'll be in my third year of university, or at least manager of the aforementioned burger joint. So, what I'm trying to say is, whenever you se a niner trying to be all badass, just point and laugh. That's what I do.
Hecubis and Ugly Bob
I think men clean their cars more often than women. It's not something odd or weird. It's just that guys have a special bond to this machine.
When we look at a nice car, we see a mighty machine that can go at high speeds with terrific handling and performance. Above that, it looks cool.
To a woman, they see a hunk of junk metal that has glitches (that's probably because they can't work them). It is something they use to escape bad weather or going to far places. Nothing special. Just a big piece of junk that's going to rust anyways. This is probably because they don't clean them and they leave corrosive substances on them.
So they don't see eye to eye with their vehicles. It's the same thing for men with sewing machines.
dante
I was in my car the other day with a couple of guy friends and the topic of cars came up.
It seemed to me that what I have always thought of as boxes of metal on four wheels that are very convenient on rainy days or in freezing temperatures (a.k.a. cars) are like second wives to man, if not the only wife.
Now girls, would you find it offensive if your boyfriends spent more on maintaining this box of metal than on you? They would rather buy air freshener for their car than CK One/Be (whichever one you like more), choose leather interior over a leather jacket, and favour tinted windows over a nice pair of shades.
Heck, they would bathe a car more often than they bathe themselves.
Now I know girls sound high-maintenance but that's not the point. The point is this: Which is more important? Which would last longer? (OK! So maybe a car would last longer.) But which would cook your food?
Girls or metal boxes?
Besides, what good is the back seat of a car without a girl?
dandypratt
If you received any CD's for Christmas, chances are, there's a hidden bonus track on at least one of them.
I received eight CD's for Christmas, and three of them had bonus tracks! While this is a good thing, it leaves one to wonder why the band decided not to list the track. One of the CD's I received was U2's new compilation CD entitled The Best of 1980-1990. I was listening to the very last track, "All I Want Is You," my favourite U2 song, when I noticed it didn't end right away. The song is supposed to end after 6 minutes, 31 seconds, but my CD player kept rolling! 6:45 . . . 7:00 . . . 7:15 . . . 7:25! The track still hasn't finished and I'm wondering why, since there's no music playing! Then, at 7:31, exactly a minute after "All I Want Is You" ended, I hear an angry piano banging over the speakers. Then at 8:59, Bono's voice joins in. Then as quickly as it started, it ends at 9:51, only 2 minutes after beginning.
Maybe I'm going deaf, but I can't seem to make out the lyrics to this mystery song. So, if anyone knows what Bono is singing in this song, submit the lyrics along with your name, homeform, and home room, and you could win a prize! After all, everyone in the music biz is into Bonus Track Bonanza! Why shouldn't you be?
(:CHEEKY:)
Another year, another series of fake...I mean, REAL mail I've received. So here goes!
Dear Stoopid Head,
I have no clue who you are. I just found a ripped piece of a MacNews issue from last year. All I could read was your name, so I sent you this letter. You are Stoopid Head. I am not. Ok, that is all.
Lost Soul
Thank you for your letter! I'm always so pleased to hear from my longtime fans! You will receive an autographed picture of me, and a free issue of MacNews in the mail. (Autographed picture may not arrive. There is no guarantee that the free issue will arrive in the mail.)
Alright, that's all for today! Keep those cards and letters coming!
(Guy who people call) Stoopid Head
As a recent announcement has stated, the penalties for carrying one of those ever-popular laser pointers will be equal to carrying other prohibited weapons. This fact-hungry reporter has discovered the similarities between an ordinary, everyday handgun and the evil invention known in shady districts merely as the "pointer", and will now present them to you in a handy chart form:
| Guns | Pointers | |
| Cost: | about $200 | about $50 |
| Made to: | kill people or fuzzy little animals | help out CEOs and university profs during boardroom meetings and seminars |
| Causes: | death, fatal injuries, maiming, hijackings, burglaries, oozing flesh wounds, loss of limbs and other appendages, stick ups, bank robberies, etc. | blindness (unverified) |
| As featured on such t.v. shows as: | COPS, Charlie's Angels, NYPD Blue, anything on FOX | Seinfeld |
| How to use: | point at target, squeeze trigger | squeeze button, point at target |
| Ammunition: | bullets | battery, red light bulb |
| Waved by: | crazed maniacs | university profs, CEOs, bored niners |
| Final Thought: | Remember children, guns don't kill people, laser pointers kill people... | |
Sofi, former ed.
(Note to MAC: Yeah, that's right. I've resigned as editor after three illustrious years, so PLEASE don't blame me for any misteaks in this ishoo, because there nawt my folt enee launger...)
Hello! Welcome to my article! For those who don't know me, FIND OUT WHO I AM! No, actually, I'm Stoopid Head! That means absolutely nothing to you, I know, but you'll learn to love me! Or, much like most people, learn to despise me with a hatred that will soon boil up inside you until you can take it anymore. Then you'll want to wrap your hands around my neck and choke the living daylights outta me, while screaming profanity at the top of your lungs. Ahhhhhh...I'll be ok, no honestly, I will. The pills are coming.
Alright, last year I was known for my articles about South Park, but due to the "powers that be" those articles were deemed "useless" and "not needed in MacNews". So now I need something else to write about. So, if you want to see me ever published again, please give me something else to write about! Please! I'm begging you! Alright, I'm just wasting my time, seeing as how this won't be published.
Okay, see ya!
(confused, bored, and tired) Stoopid Head
Wannabe eds.