All right, so you're gonna let them tie you down with a huge elastic, and then run forward so you go flying in the air. All of this for the cheap introductory price of $2. I'm sorry but that is the Stupidest thing I've ever heard in my entire life. Why the hell would you put yourself through that kind of humiliation? Also let's not forget where all of this takes place: the cafeteria. Ahh, yes the one place where the school crams 800 tudents filled with the aroma of sweat mixed with french fries and gravy. Yep, if I had to choose one location to have the bungee log run, I would choose the caf. Are you insane? Why the caf? I've complained about this before. Everything, everything takes place in the caf. Look, if you're gonna force us to eat in there don't do stupid things that make us wanna hurl bricks at you. To all you people who actually go for these things: what the *bleep* is wrong with you? Maybe this provides a cheap thrill but allowing a giant rubber band to yank you so that you fall on your back and then laugh like a hyena is A BAD IDEA! Think about it? I've said it before and now I'll say it again. For the love of God, get some new activities that don't involve any sort of fatality. If you can't think of any, then don't do any activities at all!
Dramatic
We, the most exceptional writers at MacNews, the One-Armed Men, have noticed a disturbing trend which borders on plagiarism. Recently, an article that was published in MacNews was a direct copy of an email forward. This article, entitled Your Friend, the Computer, did not contain much original material at all, except for the name of the writer, of course. The article originated as a well circulated email forward. This, however, was not the first time this has occurred (refer to a prominent article in last year's issues).
A possible solution is to credit the email instead of claiming the article as one's own. This is, of course, assuming that the writers cannot think of their own ideas.
The One-Armed Men
Did anyone pick up the latest Entertainment Weekly? In their 101 Most Powerful Entertainment Forces, the last few picks included Pokemon (no. 90), Harry Potter (no. 101), and The WWF (no. 101.5). Gee, I'm so thrilled to find that a rat, a kid wizard, and a bunch of steroid-driven freaks are going to change the way I watch TV. Plus, Julia Roberts at no. 8? She couldn't get me to go watch one of her movies if it featured a nude lesbian scene with Catherine Zeta Jones and Salma Hayek.
The Blair Witch Projectile Vomiting has been released on video, showing that even a horror movie with a budget of an extra value meal at McDonald's can still be exploited for every cent.
Dogma, the fourth and largest release from Kevin Smith looks to be another hilarious romp with Jay and Silent Bob. Hey, Chris Rock is the 13th apostle, how bad could it be?
More proof that the devil probably has a loft in London: Muchmusic has recently nabbed the airing rights to S Club 7, a TV show about a cheesy English pop group living in Miami. Sort of like MTV's Real World, except it isn't real. Maybe I'll enjoy it more after my lobotomy.
The official top 10 sucks list
10. Canadian television
9. WCW
8. Digimon
7. The horror movie rush
6. Ricky Martin
5. Ally McBeal
4. Gap Ads
3. Mambo No. 5
2. S Club 7
1. The Backstreet Boys
Nookie Monster
Two nights ago marked a major victory for the T.O. Maple Leafs, as they beat the Canes 6-0, in Carolina. With Sundin back in the game, Jonas Hoglund and Steve Thomas felt alive and well as Hoglund scored two, Sundin notched two goals (one wasn't counted), and Thomas racked up the assists. It was also a beautiful night for Mike Johnson, who scored two goals, although he passed up two chances for his first hat trick. The highlight of the game was when the Cane's Kent Manderville side swiped Cujo, who fell down in the worst dramatic fashion, and then got up and swiped Manderville back. If only Domi was there (out with a mysterious injury). Nevertheless, Cujo got his third shutout, and the Leafs proved they could do the job. If only they could stay that way - time will tell, but for now, they're loving every minute of it.
Starchild
The horror in Biology class was vivid and in your face! Mr. McKinlay has been away for a while due to illness and his absence has turned room 223 to a grave yard. Yes, it sounds like some kind of a halloween horror story, but it is true.
Biology. . . a subject which deals with the living. . . and yet the dead fish in the biology room show no signs of being alive. You see, the aquarium was placed in that room as a specimen of nature. It has clearly become evident that the only person who cared about the fish or even bothered to feed them was Mr. McKinlay.
Just about fifteen minutes ago I took on the gruesome task of removing their stiff bodies from the tank and giving them a mass burial in the nearest garbage can.
The cause of their death is not known at the moment. It could be the fact that no one bothered to feed them, or perhaps that they didn't get enough oxygen, or that they were just missing Mr. McKinlay (their father) really badly.
Perhaps in time, we can have more people in this school who care. . . and bother to save the dying fish.
Braindead2000
You were born a daughter.
You looked up to your mother.
You looked up to your father.
You wanted to be a princess.
You wanted to own a horse.
You wanted your brother to be a horse.
You wanted to wear pink.
You wanted to be a veterinarian.
You wanted to be Prime Minister.
You wanted to be the Prime Minister's veterinarian.
You were picked last for the team.
You were the best one on the team.
You refused to be on the team.
You wanted to do well in algebra.
You hid during algebra.
You wanted boys to notice you.
You were afraid the boys would notice you.
You started to get acne.
You started to get breasts.
You started to get acne bigger than your breasts.
You wouldn't wear a bra.
You couldn't wait to wear a bra.
You couldn't fit into your bra.
You didn't like the way you looked.
You didn't like the way your parents looked.
You didn't want to grow up.
You had your first best friend.
You had your first date.
You spent hours on the telephone.
You got kissed.
You got to kiss back.
You went to the prom.
You didn't go to the prom.
You went to the prom with the wrong person.
You fell in love.
You fell in love.
You fell in love.
You lost your best friend.
You really fell in love.
You became a steady girlfriend.
You became a significant other.
You became significant to yourself.
Sooner or later, you start to take yourself seriously.
You know when you need a break.
You know when you need a rest.
You know what to get worked up about, and what to get rid of.
You know when it's time to take care of yourself, for yourself to do something that makes you stronger, faster, more complete.
Because you know it's never too late to live life.
And never too late to change one.
Reprinted from a forwarded email written by Patty Sachs.
Chrissy, ed.
Today as I was casually reading the sports section, I read something that had a significant impact on me. The huge story was that the Toronto Blue Jays were not going to be able to sign Carlos Delgado and Shawn Green, their two star players. Just a couple of days ago I was watching Sportsdesk, and I saw the Seattle Mariners organization discussing how they were not going to be able to sign Ken Griffey Jr., and would also have to trade him.
These two teams who came into the league together in 1977 are now experiencing some major setbacks. For Seattle the loss is a major blow. They are losing the greatest player in baseball, which will result in a lower attendance for their upcoming season. Seattle just moved into a beautiful new ballpark, and now they won't have any fans to fill the seats. Nevertheless, they still offered Griffey a contract that would average $17 million a year over 8 years, but apparently Ken Griiffey Jr. just didn't think that was enough.
For the Toronto Blue Jays, their state is almost as sad as Seattle's, but it makes me feel sadder because I am a Blue Jays fan. They offered Carlos Delgado and Shawn Green multi-year contracts averaging $10 million a year, but of course they both refused.
The game of baseball is in a sad and story state. For myself, I grew up watching, playing and loving baseball. However, the way the game is going nowadays I just don't care anymore.
Kidz
Saw you this morning
Sitting there alone
Quiet and content
Like the sun in the sky
Bringing warmth
Bright and cheery
At the start of a new day.
Peacefully longing
Under the wing of night
I stood there
Amidst cool morning dew
Purged of thought
Just marvelling
At your silent grace
So perfect
Randiant
and special,
I wondered
If you'll ever shine on me.
yokirrotacobell
Now, I'm not talking about the movie here, because I haven't even seen it. This is about something completely different.
Why must every piece of writing we are given in English class be picked apart and ravaged for every metaphor and rhetorical device we can possibly find? What ever happened to reading something just for the sake of reading and enjoying it?
I'm sure that some of those writers put those devices in there so that students can spend their lives looking for them, but I'm also pretty sure some do not. In fact, my guess is that there are some things that are written just to get a point across, and not to be scanned for similies and periodic sentences.
Now, I'm not saying that rhetorical devices shouldn't be used in writing, because they do make things more interesting to read, but all I'm saying is that it's not necessary to rip things apart in order to find every example possible.
They keep telling me that by looking for these things, I will appreciate the writing more. However, what usually tends to happen is that students start to hate the writing because we have analyzed it so much.
Now, I know that finding these devices is somewhat necessary to learn how to use them correctly, but all I ask is that you leave somethings alone.
Just let me read something in class for the sake of reading it, please.
(In OAC and stressed out) Stoopid Head
November ninth is a panefull day it's when i analize that big essay it's cruel to test my gramar so for my education's minus zero. i can't kwite spell, i caanot write so i'll fail the exam without a fite.
gotta hed-ake
(Ed's noteL i deedn't ehdeet dis artickl so eets nawt mie fawld.)
"To be good is not enough when you dream of being great."
Love_Lee
Have you ever heard some girl or girls shout out, "Omigod! It's the Backstreet Boys!" Or, "Holy! It's 'N Sync!" Well if you haven't, then . . . what have you been living under lately?
Let me see, there are how many boy bands out there? Hmmm . . . last time I counted, there were about fourteen boy bands that I know of. Do we really need that much crap? Oh yes. There is the big-breasted singer, Britney "I-swore-I-only-had-a-growth-spurt" Spears, and the wannabe-but-okay singer, Christina Aguilera.
Now don't get me wrong. The new Backstreet Boys CD is one of the best albums of the year. And Britney Spears', "Drive Me Crazy" is an okay song. What I'm getting at is, it's not the music that the band/singer sings or creates, it's the fans that are the most annoying ones in this business.
They think that they are going to marry their favourite singer, but, I mean, c'mon! They don't give two craps about you. Alas, the crying and tearful girls still cry for their . . . well, labeling them "singers" is wrong. Let's say lip-syncers.
raver child
Tonight the x-OACs will come back to our school to officially graduate. I just wanted to announce that I will be attending the ceremony in order to see some of the major hotties Mac has lost (E.g. Bob O., George E., robin H. and many other who I spent years staring at). Thank you for your attention and good night.
Braindead2000