Once in a while, there comes a mystery so great, so mysterious that everyone pauses to gasp in wonder at that mystery. Fortunately, loyal undercover agents of MacNews responded. Simply put, I infiltrated SAC to find out what's behind that "Open Doors" policy.
My espionage career began by going in the SAC office. Sitting, in the chair by the corner, with a MacNews issue in my hands, unobserved by anyone, I took my espionage position. What a sight!
Throughout my observation of those mysterious individuals known as SAC members, I listened to the latest and greatest, most obscene album by Limp Bizkit, observed SAC members do their homework, and play on guitar. In essence, I observed the SAC members behaving in their natural habitat.
I am pleased to report that if you show up at the SAC office no one will kick you out, which proves that an open doors policy works, however no one will pay any attention to you either, which was fine by me, since it helped me greatly in completing my assignment. My advice, if you want to be noticed in the SAC office, bring the most recent issue of MacNews with you. The only time I was noticed by the SAC, was when one of them wondered whether the MacNews I had was a recent one.
AK-47
PS. The truth is out there.
Is it the smell of a bright red rose, perfumating the air even as the thorns prick your finger? Is it the morning breakfast bowl that dances on your tongue as you read the back of the cereal box? Is it the power of a convicted speaker in front of a mass of believers? Is it the nervous jitters of green gelatin as it slides out of a mould? Is it the constant battle between the moon with his star troops and the sun for domination of the sky? Is it the 'A' you recieved on your mid-term? Is it the stuffed animals that protect you in your slumber? Is it the boisterous laugh or the soft chuckle shared between friends? Is it the warmth given with the kiss of a departing loved one?
Or is what makes life worth living, simply to live life?
The Tired One
Friday, October 1st, 1999. $10.56
Bigger than his head, I witnessed Doug "skinny" Brown eat the DD24, and I don't mean breasts.
Across the street from The Opera House, on Queen Street, there is a greasy burger joint called "Dangerous Dans." Their burger is legendary. . . 24 ounces. That's the meat equivalent of seven quarter pounders. When I interviewed the owner of Dangerous Dans, he said, "Twenty five people buy it a week, and only one of those people finish it." After one hour of eating and two pounds heavier, Doug was done. Now he's asking the student body for a little help. He needs a new challenge and a new burger. Have you ever eaten anything bigger than your head? Tell us about it! Submit your challenge to MacNews, or see Doug yourself. If you don't know him, he's the fluorescent guy in the picture.
Doug Brown
On no! Mats Sundin is injured! What's going to happen to our beloved Maple Leafs? The name is Nikolai Antropov. This 19 year old prospect from Kazakhstan showed flashes of brilliance in his first NHL game against the Florida Panthers. He recorded an assist on a beautiful setup to Tomas Kaberle, and was constantly backchecking, showing a defensive sid to his game.
At first it looked lke Antropov wouldn't do too well. He was centring a line between Tie Domi and Derek King who aren't the greatest goal scorers. However, after Igor Korolev was injured, Antropov played with Sergei Berezin and Garry Valk. That line looked dynamite out there for the Leafs.
Nikolai Antropov has shown he is ready for the big time. In the mean time get well Mats, and Leaf fans have fun watching a future star's career unfold.
Kidz
As you may know, from reading the announcements or by some gift from God, Christine is not the editor for today's issue!
We have compiled a list of reasons for why this week's editors, Rick Moldovanyi and Leslie Woo, should be editors for the rest of the year! Mwhahaha!
The above reasons are backed by no fact whatsoever, except for the pee standing up one. That is, unless we're tired, but that's another story.
So, we hope that you enjoy this "Rick & Leslie" edited issue of MacNews, and please write lots of letters to MacNews saying how great we are! If you don't like us however, please remain silent.
Rick, Stoopid ed. and Les, ed.
A rumble builds over the crowd as a battle of wits decides who will be defeated. These are the battles fought in room 130 every Wednesday after school.
In the first of two debates that took place in the Macdonald Debating Society, the rights of homosexuals was decided. With the topic of equality weighing heavily in the air, "Gay Pride" was argued as indecent, and the house flowed with opinions. The opposition lost with a majority vote as the government had swamped them with statistics and facts.
In the most heated debate of the evening, bullets flew between opposing sides as the issue of gun control was debated. Both sides brought up powerful arguments including the number of deaths caused by guns in homes, and the fact that a gun could stop an infiltrator from killing your family. Both sides were very close until one man stood up and blew the competition out of the water by saying, "An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind." After this powerful quote was said by Waleed, the room shook with cheers from his supporting half of the house.
For those of you who want to witness the excitement of the Macdonald Debating Society, an open gallery is ever present for spectators. Next week, the topic of debating will be euthanasia.
Smutton
Hush, my child. No tears, my child.
Soft light, rustling branches,
A patchwork quilt of her warm
lullabies.
Echoing shadows,
And her natural rhythm,
Pulsing around me.
Hush, she whispers.
No worries, she whispers.
Her perfect canopies,
Cascading peace like a waterfall.
(And then. . .)
Stark resemblance as crystal clear
as a mirror:
That pounding of blood in my ears,
And that endless rustling of
branches.
One and the same, she whispers.
Brilliant blue infinity,
Complete and utter imagination,
Born of one tiny spark. . .
Melo
So I was watching t.v. recently (what's new) and I am unhappy to report the total chaos that's going on in the music world. I mean, if you like rap, that's fine. And if you enjoy alternative rock, that's fine as well. But when you clash the two together, you're looking for critics like me to get on your @$$! Really, it's getting out of hand. I mean you see a guy rapping with the whole bubble jacket, backwards hat, the girls dancing in skimpy clothes, arms and hands swaying in suggestive ways. Then suddenly the drums take on a larger role. And before you know it, heads are bobbing, people are jumping, bodies are surfing and anything else that suggests they're all for the 'Rock and/or Roll.' Choose one or the other. I don't want to be a hypocrite and say that I don't enjoy the odd Limp Bizkit or Kid Rock. But my whole point is: people, stop the freakin' madness! If you are so darned determined to play lout music in the caf, then for God's sake, don't play CRAP!
And double darn you people that aren't letting us curse anymore.
Surly
La la la. I have nothing to write about today. I'm clueless and have no ideas (let's just say I have no basis).
Hey, I could write about tests being extremely annoying or that we should help the homeless. But I'm not going to. Why, you ask. I feel really lazy.
I got out of music, and I kinda screwed up my solo. That sucks. Actually, not really. No one can hear me play!
I have tons and tons of homework. Especially for English and. . .English!
I'm sorry I feel so lazy today and have nothing to write about. Anyways, I hope the other articles are better. (Yeah right! C'mon!)
raver child
WARNING! WARNING! Crap alert! Do NOT go see the movie Drive me crazy. This movie is a crapfest of stupid and twisted teen jokes and cracks. The only true and enjoyable part of the movie was when, well, actually, there really wasn't, this movie sucked really bad!
Speaking of some components of this so-called movie, there is no realism to the movie. Please! A school gets sixteen thousand U.S. dollars to make a prom? That's like four billion in Canadian dollars!
When I watched this retardo movie, I constantly asked myself what the hell was going on? The movie featured a scam, but I felt like I was the only one being scammed. So please, if you really don't want to be driven crazy, don't watch this movie.
Canadian Pie
Dear Sk8ter Boy,
Those three portables out in the yard have been there since I first came to Mac, which is too many years to count. Unfortunately for you, they are not going anywhere. I had a class out in the portables too. Right now, the climate is nothing. Just wait until it rains, your teacher is late, and the door is locked. Believe me, it's no day at the beach. If it's cold, wear a jacket. Also, our school does not have air-conditioning. Where in the world did you get the idea that we might have one? Sorry if I sound blunt, but whether it suits you or not, the problems are here to stay.
Star Child
Email Dr. Evil MD and Star Child at dr_star_69@hotmail.com
11. Your friend gives you piggy back rides to your next class.
10. Your eyes are so puffy you are starting to look like Pikachu.
9. If you get six hours of sleep in one night you think to yourself "Wow, I overslept!"
8. The bags on your face begin to make you resemble Yoda.
7. You're in OAC (that about sums it up).
6. You laugh for no reason (very loudly for long time intervals!)
5. You can't feel your legs.
4. You get hit by a car as you're waving goodbye to your parents.
3. Your teacher shakes you awake from your desk, as you realize your drool puddle is starting to flood.
2. You give people very long hugs (because you fall asleep on their shoulder).
1. You become the spare football. . .
Starchild & Braindead2000
By Squalling Cloud
No water needed. Simply match a word from column A, B and C to get an instant insult.
Example: That guy is a stingy boar butt.
| Column A | Column B | Column C |
Dumb Lame Loser Smelly Ugly Stingy Tiny |
Face Feet "Richard" Leg Arm Butt Cranium |
Goat Beeawtch Smack Boar Fart Projector Fudge |