All you environmentalists out there will be shocked to hear some recently unclassified information about Mac's "personal hygiene". The truth is (scary music here) that we don't recycle paper in this school!
There are recycling bins in every class yet bottles and cans are the only items we recycle. Why? No one is to blame; not the SAC; not the janitors; not even the school. We just don't have the moolah. To get the extra dough, we'd have to go all the way to the school board.
So why don't we? This news is rather disgusting. We produce tons of scrap paper every day and it's all being (gulp) thrown out. Action must be taken now because, if I may be blunt, the school has been lying to us.
I want to be able to take a deep breath when I'm eighty years old. If you do too, talk to your teacher about possible solutions or talk to Ms. Bertrand to set up an appointment with Miss Whipp.
Shortie and Chrissy, ed.
Yay for MIA! Thanks to their great idea, the whole school is now hyped up on Pixie Sticks and Sour Kids! Pixie Sticks rule! There's nothing quite like sugar and food colouring in a paper straw to help you through a day of school! However, the only problem is that Hallowe'en is this Sunday, meaning that there will be no cheap highs available in the caf anymore. At least not any that are legal.
In closing, all I have to say is, it's really hard to sit still and type this with all that sugar running through my body!
(Yeeeeeeeeeeeee!) Stoopid Head
Every year trick or treating becomes harder and harder for us young people, that go to high school to do. As you go up, driveway after driveway, and endure the long, cold walk, you sometimes wonder, "What am I doing?" but then you remember; "It's Halloween! Halloween is Good! Get free candy."
So you decide that it's your last year, but then Halloween swings around the next year and the same feeling comes back. So once again, people give you strange looks. They ask if you lost your little sister or brother. Sure they give you candy, but it's crappy. They're holding back for the little monsters dressed up in their cheap plastic masks. Yeah, they sure put a lot of effort into their costumes (I'm being sarcastic). I'm also sure that they don't know what the hell they're doing, being shoved out the door in the middle of the night, forced to beg for candy. Really, do you care? No!
So, fellow trick-or-treaters I go with saying that your age, gender and size do not matter. Go forth my friends, trick or treat! Be merry, and most of all, get free candy!
The all knowing Surly
My beloved you are perfect,
You're as smart as you are strong;
And I only wish I could be
In your arms where I belong.
And I wish that I was braver,
That I could tell you face to face;
You'd say, "I love you too"
And we'd afterwards embrace.
But until the day you love me,
I must love you from afar;
As distant as a comet
Or an ever-twinkling star.
angel dust
The Macdonald Debating Society had another successful meeting this past week, debating the topics of abortion (discussed elsewhere in this issue of MacNews), and discrimination. All sides in the debates were strongly opinionated and worked hard.
Next week's topics are capital punishment and the topless issue. We welcome anyone to sit in on the debates in the open gallery every Wednesday after school in room 130.
The Macdonald Debating Society wants to make sure that each of the topics of the debates are interesting, so we ask that if you have a good idea for a debate, submit it to the MacNews box located at the drama office.
Smutton
Crazy Canuck
Ever wonder why your computer knows you better than your mom? Just exactly how strong is your relationship with your computer? You see, if you go on the net once in while it's okay. If you wake up at four o'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way, it's not exactly normal. Do you do the following:
If so, get a life! You can't spend all you time on the net! So please, before you grow moldy, turn your computer off and enjoy life, before tech support calls YOU for help.
Iris
What would girls do if they were magically transformed into a boy for one day? Due to extensive research (well, not really), I found out the most preferred choices of women. . .
a) Listen to the locker room talk.
b) Relish in the thought of being able to pee standing up.
c) Wake up, spend two minutes on their hair, and go to school.
d) Wear your pants down to your ankles.
e) And of course the most preferred choice of all, run around topless through the school.
Black Lemon
I had the great fortune of watching one of the debates held by the debate club on Wednesday. The topic was abortion (yes, that over-debated issue). Both sides, the pro-life and pro-choice, gave excellent arguments. However, some interesting things were brought to my attention. I shall have to admit that they may or may not directly involve the debate. I must also confess that these thoughts are all extremely random; there is absolutely no structure or logical order to them.
It became evident from the start that the two views were all in favour of less suffering whether by aborting an unwanted baby or by giving birth to an unwanted child. The pro-choicers argued that the child would suffer if he or she was presented into this world. Surprisingly, both sides neglected to mention that all people suffer. Since that's the case, according to those in favour of abortion, we should all commit suicide to stop all pain. To that I say drink up the cup of suffering and enjoy life. The second issue that bothered me was the pro-lifers' assumption that if given the chance, an unwanted child could actually make something of his or her life by becoming the next president or Einstein. Gee, that sure makes the rest of us feel good. Does that mean you're only worth keeping alive if you become the greatest person on earth? That is a lamentable method of putting value on people; it divides us into classes and degrades individuals. Which leads me into the last and most disturbing thing I picked up from the debate: the term "unwanted child". It honestly makes me want to cry. Can you imagine not being wanted by anyone? Neglected and even detested within society. The worst part of it all was when I realized that these people exist. They are all around us and perhaps even are us.
So what did I learn from the debate? Firstly, life is too full of suffering that cannot be avoided. We should just live life to the fullest. Furthermore, titles, fame, or even accomplishments should never determine a person's worth. You are of value because you just are. Lastly, it's time for us to open up our eyes and arms to those needy people who fit right in with the heart-breaking term "unwanted".
Peculiar Display
16. Repeatedly ask, "What was your last name again?"
15. Ask her if she's going to finish that lettuce leaf.
14. Every week, adjust her scale to add an additional pound or two (wait. . . that's the way to kill a supermodel).
13. Consistently baffle her with multi-syllabic words and compound sentences.
12. Force her to share a runway with a 747.
11. Whoopie Cushion shoulder pads.
10. Taunt her with the Pythagorean Theorem and a slice of pizza.
9. Follow her everywhere, mumbling, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful."
8. Make her wear that loose fitting size 2 outfit.
7. Secretly replace her methamphetamines with new "Folgers Crystals Methamphetamines".
6. Move fashion Meccas from New York, Paris, and Milan to Newark, Vladivostok, and Anchorage.
5. Constantly demand a display of her Superhuman powers.
4. Tell her that global-warming will eventually lead to the erosion of collagen.
3. Before fixing dinner, ask her if she'd rather throw-up meatloaf or throw-up spaghetti.
2. Keep asking, "Are you the one who's married to Billy Joel?"
1. Two words: CK wedgies.
Farshad
A middle-aged man develops an obsession with his daughter's friend and his wife decides to have an affair with another man (who by the way has funny eye brows). Meanwhile, their daughter Jane, craving for attention, falls in love with the new neighbour's son whose hobbies are smoking pot and filming Jane with or without her knowing. Sounds insane? Well, it's the plot of the new movie American Beauty starring Kevin Spacey and Annette Benning. The characters, though exaggerated, touched the audience with the common problems that many people come to face. All the actors delivered a stunning performance and I have no criticism of their work. The story line and dialogue were almost dancing with different steps, twirls and twists on every turn (although the sex talk and nudity were a little too much for my taste). However, if there is one important thing that we should learn from American Beauty, it is the theme of beauty in life. Despite all the conflicts and suffering in our "screwed-up world", there is beauty to be seen and felt. I think we can all learn a lesson from that.
Peculiar Display
You should all be happy to know that the hole in the girl's bathroom we informed you about last week, has since been taken care of. Thank you, thank you for acting on this so quickly!
Melo and Dramatic
A sad announcement: the old, faithful, clock in portable one, finally passed away. It is now permanently stuck at 6:30 (AM or PM). We will miss you, dear friend.
Wanted! A computer mouse was viciously assaulted in room 114. A suspect is identified as a disgruntled computer user. If you have any leads, please do NOT contact us.
Rats were seen fleeing the boys changeroom after their football game. The authorities blame the event on extreme air pollution, a.k.a. The Stench. We urge any Green Peace activists to step forward, in defence of endangered rats.
What the authorities do not want you to know: none of these occurences are real, all parties involved are the figments of our imagination.
Crazy Canuck uses AK-47
P.S. We control the horizontal, we control the vertical. They control the paychecks.