Key to Happy Relationships:

Listen. By actively listening you are saying "I care and want to know what you are saying." Pay attention to the meaning of what is being said without being attached emotionally to it. This will enable you to respond to what is *actually* being said. By really listening you get the facts and can avoid interpreting them which oftentimes leads to confusion.


For Romantic relationships:

-Tell each other where you stand emotionally (feelings you have) for him/her as they come up -Accept each other's right to those feelings
-In accepting each other's feelings recognize that it's ok to be at different levels.
-Be patient. If the person's feelings are not as deep as yours it is ok.
-Deal with the facts. Stay grounded in the reality of what the person has expressed to you about how they feel. Instead of getting carried away thinking about how they "could" feel, or "might eventually" feel. Keep in mind those feelings may not develop as you would like them to.
-If a deeper relationship is meant to be it will evolve naturally. Avoid trying to persuade him/her to develop feelings.
-Be open to whatever may develop (whether it be a friendship or something deeper)

Assess what you need in a relationship.

Many times we say "yes" to behavior we don't like. Often we do this through our actions or by not re-acting to it. It is important for us to know what behavior is acceptable to us and which is not acceptable. IMMEDIATELY say "No" with your words and actions to behavior you do not find acceptable. Explain to the person why it makes you uncomfortable. Even if you've said yes to this behavior before know you have a right to say no to it now.

Ask yourself:
-What behavior do I you appreciate?
-What behavior WILL I not tolerate?
-How do I want to be treated?
-What makes me happy?

Basic Checklist:

Respect
Trust
Honesty
Friendship
Communication
Joy and Laughter
Support and Comfort
Comfortablity with one another
Warmth and Caring for each other
Enjoy being together and spending time with one another
Ability to work things out
Becoming aware of each others values, talents, aspirations, dreams, concerns, etc
      and most importantly respecting and honoring them
Mutual Appreciation
Encouraging one another
No expectations
Observing what the other person needs in the moment

Things that develop which will promote a lasting relationship:

Making a soul contact-seeing each other for who you really are
A mental connection-being able to carry on meaningful discussions-that promote learning and growth
Passion
Affection
Love
Asking about and Meeting each other's needs
Cherishing one another
Each Communicating your love and appreciation for the other
Taking things in stride–letting go of things that are non-essential, such as grudges, anger, resentment, INSTEAD take preventative measures through communicating your feelings, thoughts, and needs. As in "I want..." "I need..." "I feel...." "I think..."
AVOID: "You make me feel...." or starting any sentence with "YOU" which puts the other person on the defensive–making them think they have to defend their actions, words, etc.
AVOID: Name calling.

If you have any questions or suggestions about relationships, or things to add please email me your thoughts! Thanks! Sincerely appreciated!! Caroline "Rocking" Oswald

carolinerocks@yahoo.com