i always find a way to mess things up..i find something i didn't know could ever exsist for me and i fuck it up...but i wonder how shallow this all is to hate me over something so simple...no room for an apology when i'm being ignored...
i made a decision to effect this and now both ends are gone..silence and guilt maybe will push on him..semi-friends can talk thru it maybe...like she did before..but i don't know the background..i don't know how serious he can be..

all's i do is wander the house in a half dream and pretend in my fantasy lives of how my person inside my head could talk to him if he was in my head...it makes things better for awhile...especially when you can't pretend anymore because yer 17