one area is defined but the other is somewhere in the future, past,...something lost anywhere
i guess expecting just a little is expecting way too much...just a simple gesture or kind words more than when something is needed...i suppose i'm like that too but only with those i abhor
my last chance only gives me something to look forward to in the coming week..each time that i want something more i get absolutely nothing at all...

bruished eyes

each time a small silence is broken by others my mind goes crazy trying trying too hard to think of reasons why it's me they hate and me that it only seems to affect and i see and kill myself so many times over something to simple, unrealistic and plain to everyone but me...i'm tired of finding importance when the one on my opposite side can't see it can't even imagine what the hell is going on up here..makes me wonder about past people and past conversations if it was like this with her or him or am i just so completely disgusting that i am treated different and only held in the privacy of a stock room or another gas eater..and i break it all down into maybe it's something i can't do for him and that scares me because all's i want to be is attractive and i want to know the feeling of people seeing that in me for once and to have it last more than a few friends and a few fellow employees.