the other day i lost what i didn't know and gained what i hoped i lost from friends.
somehow each day i see one more of my insecurities and i just can't understand how he couild be so distant and i can't understand
why am i so horrible.
why do i seem so unheard of and how come i can't be shown or praised
how come that simple little show tells me i'm not real and that because of the time spent or not enough there or how simple i am
why am i trying to think and think
want to, must be creative
where is my little secret that no one knows
where is my little talent everyone is suppose to have, why can't i be fair ..and just...and liked ...and held to some value
why can't anyone ever be concerned when it isn't affecting the way their work goes
what's there when i need to be worshipped and how come they seem to be preoccupied with him while distant in me
why does it confuse and entangle me and flow and grab me in my ways and thoughts..just drown it out and drown it out
why can't i have the beautiful and pale, the traits of how she describes and flows
i want the fluent mind and the perfected taste in adjectives and skin, drink and honor
i want to be what she writes for me
what she needs in that name
i want my mind to work and work and prepare