January 16, 2000

well, i'm still not moved out yet..i have to wait awhile...but it will happen..
it's been so long since i've updated..sooooo...
i got a ring from travis...just a promise ring..but it still makes me happy...i now he is the one...as sappy as it sounds...i can't really imagine a future without him in it...altho sometimes i think he's trying to kill me...sometimes i'm afraid of him..a lot of the times actually...but i'm pretty sure i'm scared of everything..so it all turns out ok..right?(i've gotten a comment on this part, and i'd like to say that it may not be what it sounds like...i never say things directly...)
the weird thing is, i talk about travis and everything seems alright...but lately i'm feeling almost a need for something to make me normal..to make me not so tired..and i don't want to be some goth stereotype but i am...i've always been like this a long as i can remember..i've almost grown so used to it i might mess feeling this way...a couple of years ago some medication would have been the most wonderful thing ever given to me..but nick isn't in the picture now, so things make a little more sense now than back then...

i finally did something on thursday that had been bothering me...it's not what i hoped, but i did get it done...and i wish to do it again but i'm not sure if that is possible...i'll have to ask permission again..

i thought i had i picture to put up but it seems my computer has eaten it...maybe later