I want to make a difference,
not to the world
or the human race
but in my own life.
I want to prove to myself that everything is worth it.
I want to feel satisfied.
I want to discover something.
I want to be the first to do something.
I want to find a peace and a tranquility that seems so far from where I am now,
not in religion or faith
but in my actions and abilities.
I want to finally feel happy with myself.
I want to live up to the standards I've set.
I want to be important or insignificant.
I want to have meaning.
I want to realize that out of the biliions of people on the earth, of which I am one small meaningless being, I am me.
I want to realize that out of the billions of planets and galaxies and solar systems, that I am here, I am now, and I am living.
I want to feel alive.
I want to breathe in and feel the air fill up my body and cleanse me.
I want to look and see beauty everywhere.
I want to learn to live without destroying anything.
I want to learn about everything and understand all that I can about everything.
I want to realize that this is my only chance.
I want to make a difference, for myself.
8-8-98
