THE REST –    January 10
  

A college freshman fell asleep in his 8:00 English class. The professor, not too pleased, threw a book at him.

"What was that" asked the startled student.

"That", replied the professor, "was a flying Chaucer."

Farmer Jones had heard that the best milk comes from contented cows. Therefore, he'd visit them every morning and tell them jokes. The cows laughed and laughed and gave excellent milk. But the news got around about the cows. They became known as the laughing stock of the community.

  My friend said that he had dogs that talked in their sleep. Skeptical, I went to see. In front of the fireplace lay a hound fast asleep. He mumbled "I've just written a best seller." Later, he said, "I've just returned from the moon." I was impressed and said so. "But, he tells lies," I said. "Yes, he does," said my friend. "But that's OK. When you have a talking dog, you've got to make allowances. I find that it's best to let sleeping dogs lie.   

There was a man who loved to make up puns. One day a local magazine sponsored a pun-contest.

The man entered the contest ten different times in the hope that at least one of his puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

A Compliment?

A pastor received the following note from a member that had been encouraged by the preaching: "You can't imagine what your preaching meant to me. It was like water for somebody who's drowning!"   

(Shared by Walt Groff) via wit-wisdom

TIGHT SHOES

A man walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes.

"How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.

"Well ... they feel a bit tight." replies the man.

The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the
mans feet.

"Try pulling the tongue out." offers the clerk.

Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth." He says.

Oh Canada

An elderly woman lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for years. The now widowed woman, lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.

One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. "I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the people in North Dakota. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?"

"What do I think?" his mother said. "Sign it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don't think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!"

Have A Great Day