ALL THE REST –    January 20 & 21
  

 

Today's Quotations — SLEEP

 

 

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If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

— Henny Youngman

 

 


I'm not going to bed after all. Somebody around here hath murdered sleep. Good for him.

— J.D.Salinger Seymour:An Introduction

 

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Animals awaken, first facially, then bodily. Men's bodies wake before their faces do. The animal sleeps within its body, man sleeps with his body in his mind.

— Chazal 

 

Cloud Curtains. Clouds are the curtains which God, with motherly care, hangs over the bed of His children to give His beloved sleep.

— Duncan Macgregor

 

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[Sleep is] the golden chain that ties health and our bodies together.

–   Thomas Dekker

 

 

word puzzleToday's Word – DELIQUESCE

 

del·i·quesce intransiti verb 1.a. To melt away. b. To disappear as if by melting. 2. Chemistry. To dissolve and become liquid by absorbing moisture from the air.  Synonyms  melt. 3. Botany. a. To branch out into numerous subdivisions that lack a main axis, as the stem of an elm. b. To become fluid or soft on maturing, as certain fungi.

I hear a good many pretend that they are going to die; or that they have died, for aught that I know. Nonsense! I'll defy them to do it. They haven't got life enough in them. They'll deliquesce like fungi, and keep a hundred eulogists mopping the spot where they left off. Only half a dozen or so have died since the world began.

A PLEA FOR CAPTAIN JOHN BROWN
Henry David Thoreau 

Definitions from American Heritage Dictionary

 

Today's Fact

 

  
 

The Moon part  4
With my hands I stretched out the heavens. All the millions of stars are at my command.

Isaiah 45:12

food

LUNA- Landings

On July 20, 1969, at 4:17:43 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time, Neil A. Armstrong and Edwin Aldrin, Jr.landed the lunar module 'Eagle' in the moon's Sea of Tranquility. From that moment on there really was 'a man in the moon.' The following are some firsts concerning the NASA men on the moon.

The first words spoken on the moon after touchdown were spoken by Neil A. Armstrong. He radioed: "Houston, Tranquility Base here. The 'Eagle' has landed."

The first first meal on the moon was eaten by astronauts Neil A. Armstrong and Edwin Aldrin, Jr.. They each enjoyed four bacon squares, three sugar cookies, peaches, pineapple-grapefruit drink, and coffee before their historic moonwalk on July 20, 1969.

Several hours later, Neil A. Armstrong descended the ladder from the lunar module. He made a small jump between the 'Eagle' and the moon's surface. Then he announced, "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." The article 'a' was apparently left out of the live transmission. The record was later amended so that the message stated, "one small step for a man."

Alan B. Shepard Jr. was commander of Apollo 14. It was launched on January 31, 1971. He was the first to make a golf shot on the moon. He attached a six iron to the handle of the contingency sample return container. He dropped a golf ball on the moon, then took a couple of one-handed swings. He missed with the first swing. He connected with the second swing and the golf ball reportedly sailed for miles and miles.

The Apollo missions each consisted of three men. Two of the crew would land on the moon while one crew member remained in lunar orbit in the command service module. Six Apollo flights landed on the moon. Twelve men have walked on the moon. The 12 men who have walked on the moon (thus far) are: Neil A. Armstrong, Edwin Aldrin, Charles P. Conrad, Alan L. Bean, Alan B. Shepard, Edgar D. Mitchell, David R. Scott, James B. Irwin, John W. Young, Charles M. Duke Jr., Eugene A. Cernan, and Harrison H. Schmidtt.

Sources | Encyclopedia Britannica | The Handy Science Answer Book |

 

 

And God said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years, and let them be lights in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth." And it was so. God made two great lights--the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night ...

Genesis 1:14-16a

 

 

clown
Today's SMILE

 

 

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

  
   

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Frequently Asked Questions About Health Care
By David Lubar

Q.What does HMO stand for?

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!"  Its roots go back  to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes.  Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same.

  Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

A. No.  Only those you need.

  Q. I just joined a new HMO.  How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents.  Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan.  But don't worry -- the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half day's drive away!

  Q. What are pre-existing conditions?

A. This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when they want to talk about existing conditions.  Unfortunately, we appear to be pre-stuck with it.

  Q. Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?

A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

  Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?

A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

  Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand.  I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache.  What should I do?

A. Poke yourself in the eye.

  Q. I have an 80/20 plan with a *200 deductible and a *2,000 yearly cap.  My insurer reimbursed the doctor for my out-patient surgery, but I'd already paid my bill.   What should I do?

A. You have two choices.  Your doctor can sign the reimbursement check over to you, or you can ask him to invest the money for you in one of those great offers that only doctors and dentists hear about, like windmill farms or frog hatcheries.

  Q. What should I do if I get sick while traveling?

A. Try sitting in a different part of the bus.

  Q. No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick?

A. You really shouldn't do that.  You'll have a hard time seeing your primary care physician.  It's best to wait until you return, and then get sick.

  Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem.  Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office?

A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the *10 co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it.

  Q. What accounts for the largest portion of health care costs?

A. Doctors trying to recoup their investment losses.

  Q. Will health care be any different in the next century?

A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

smileJim and Max decided to try a Bungee Jump off of a bridge on   the Via Anchieta Highway to see if they could make some money.   After they got it set up, some people gathered around, but no one was buying tickets.  Jim said, "Maybe you should demonstrate it, so they get the  idea." 

After Max was strapped in, he jumped and fell almost to   the ground before springing back.  As he came back up the next  time, Jim saw that his clothes were torn.  Max went down again and this time when he came back up, he was bleeding.   Jim thought,  "What in the world is going on here ?"

Max went down another time, but this time when he sprang back   up, Jim saw that Max had contusions and cuts all over his body.

  Jim pulled Max safely in and asked, "What happened mate ?"

Max moaned, "I don't know. What IS a Pinata anyway ???"

A Kentucky Judge once had a case in which the defendant was   accused of kicking another citizen in the stomach. The defense  argued that there was no real evil intent.  When the defendant took  the stand, the prosecutor shouted at him, "How in the world can you possible say that you delivered this terrific kick in the stomach   without intending to ?"

"Well..." the defendant replied, "He just turned around too cussed quick, that's all."

jokes@gag-o-matic.lowcomdom.com

I do try to avoid blonde jokes but once in a while —
Substitute something else for blonde.

A blonde was driving back from the mall when there was a terrible hail storm.  Huge hail stones the size of golf balls pelted her car leaving it full of dents.  She drove to the body shop and asked what she should do.

The  body man explained what needed to be done and that it would cost at least $4000 to repair. She said that was too much and wasn't there some other way to fix it.  The body man decided to have a little fun and said "Well you could blow into the tail pipe real hard and they  might pop back out" She decided to give it a try before spending that much money.

She drove home and was in the garage with her lips wrapped around the exhaust pipe when her blonde neighbor came over to visit.  "What are you doing!" she shrieked thinking the worst and thankful that she may have just prevented her friend from committing suicide.

"I'm blowing into the tailpipe real hard to pop all these dents out of my car" explained the first blonde.

"Well silly, it's not going to work" replied her neighbor.

"Why not"?   asked the first blonde.

"Because you've got to roll up the windows first"

 

An overweight business associate of my friend decided it was time to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously,  even changing his driving route to avoid his favorite bakery.

One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic coffeecake. Everyone scolded him, but his smile remained cherubic.

"This is a very special coffeecake," he explained. "I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window was a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, 'Lord, if you want me to have one of those delicious coffeecakes, let me have a parking place directly in front of the bakery', and sure enough," he continued,"the eighth time around the block, there it was!"

TRUE FACT ...

Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University

 

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Cornered employee to boss:
       "I was NOT sleeping. I was in brainsaver mode."

 


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Phillip Bower

 

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Soul Food January 20 & 21


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Today in History January 20
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Copyright Information: Phillip Bower is not the author of the humor, and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to the jokes. Sources of jokes are listed when known. Birthday's and Happenings for the date, and quotations are public knowledge and collected from numerous sources. Quotations are public knowledge and sources are listed when known. Weekendspirations are written by Tim Knappenberger who has copyright privileges. Cathy Vinson authors Whispers from the Wilderness and owns copyright privileges. Weekendspirations and Whispers from the Wilderness are used with permission by the respective authors. Other devotions are written by Phillip Bower unless otherwise stated. In all cases credit is given when known. The Daily Miscellany is nonprofit. Submissions by readers is welcome.