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A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV) |
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One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most, would be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in the offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."
"Veterinarian's Joint Business Venture"
My brother got tired of being a taxidermist after 15 years, and went to veterinarian
school. His new business never got off the ground so he decided to operate both his
taxidermy and vet business together to save money.
His new slogan was:
"No Matter What Happens -- You Get Your Cat Back!" hours.
From: Kasha Linka
A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a
litter of kittens.
On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother,
"There were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens."
"How did you know?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied.
"I think it's printed on the bottom."
From:
Kasha Linka
Salesman of the
Year
This man works as a salesman, and every
year he goes to the salesman`s dinner/dance. At the end of the evening, the award is made
to the salesman- of-the-year. This year, as for the last three, the award goes to Brian
Smith, who collects the award without giving a speech.
The man waits until after the dinner and
then hunts out Brian.
Man: Hello, you`re Brian Smith aren`t you?
Brian: Yyyyyyyyyyes, Thhhhhhhhhhaatsss
Rrrrrrright! (He has a terrible stutter
By The Way)
At this the man is somewhat taken aback.
Man: Don`t you find any problems having a
stutter like that.
Brian: Nnnnnnnno, not rrrrrrreally.
Man: But how do you manage to win the
Salesman Of The Year award year after year?
Brian: Wwwwwwwell, I sssssssell books. I
gggggggggggo up to ppppppeople`s hhhhhouses and ssssssay: "Wwwwwwwwwwould you
llllllllike to bbbbbbbbbbbuy my bbbbbbbbbbook, or ssssssssssshould I rrrrrrrrread you a
bbbbbbbbbbit?"
David A. Rinke II | Funny
Pages Mailing List
A blonde woman walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object, she asks, "What
is that?" The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos."
The blonde then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." So she buys one.
The next day, she brings it to work with her.
Her boss, also a blonde, asks, "What is that shiny object?"
She replies "It's a thermos."
He asks, "What does it do?"
She says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
He then asks, "What do you have in there?"
"Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable
cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and
gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from
New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should
have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH MY GOSH!"
Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the
intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you
earlier, but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of
coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of
my pants!"
A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of
mine!"
TRUE FACT ...
Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year
olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.
SOURCE:
NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University
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Today's Word –
BURAN
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