Sign
A road was closed to repair a collapsed sewer-pipe.
The actual road closure was not apparent until a person drove around a bend, so
drivers would go around the closure sign to see if the road was really impassable.
Once they went around the bend, they'd have to turn around in the narrow
road. Their embarrassment was made worse by the back of the "ROAD
CLOSED" sign, which read: "TOLD YOU SO!"
Announcement
While waiting to board a plane in a
small airport, the ticket agent made the following announcement on the paging system:
"Would the person who dropped his pants please return to the ticket counter."
After a slight pause, the same voice added, "The pants were on a hanger!
ZONDERVAN Time To Smile
Enjoyed the
Sermon
One Sunday morning, after attending church services
in Hartford, Connecticut, Mark Twain said to Dr. Doane, the minister: "I enjoyed your
services this morning, doctor. I welcomed it like an old friend. I have, you know, a book
at home containing every word of it."
"You have not," said the indignant Dr.
Doane.
"I have so," countered Twain.
"Then send it to me. I'd very much like to see
it."
"I'll send it," promised Mark and the
following day he sent the Reverend Dr. Doane an unabridged dictionary.
ZONDERVAN Time To Smile
Serious Cold
There once was an elephant
who came down with a very serious cold. He was so stuffed up that he couldn't really
breath through his trunk anymore. "No one has ever suffered as much as I," he
moaned to himself.
After he failed to get better for
over a week, the elephant was sure that he was going to die. So he called all of his
friends together for a farewell party, and he gave away all of his worldly possessions, in
lieu of having a will.
The next day, the elephant woke up
in perfect health, and penniless.
The moral? Just because your
trunk's packed doesn't mean you're ready to go.
Let Me Help
Walking down the street, a man
passes a house and notices a child trying to reach the doorbell. No matter how much the
little guy stretches, he can't make it. The man calls out, "Let me get that for
you," and he bounds onto the porch to ring the bell.
"Thanks mister," says the
kid. "Now let's run."
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD
?
PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
DR. SEUSS
Did
the chicken cross the road?
Did
he cross it with a toad?
Yes!
The chicken crossed the road,
but
why it crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their
motives called into question.
ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSAIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of
nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?
KEN STARR
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of the
United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the
American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying
to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and
elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my
staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully
with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the
other side of the road until our investigation and any
Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. (We also are Investigating
whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the
chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have
to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)
LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the
"black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,"Thou shalt cross
the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
TRUE FACT ...
Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year
olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.
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