Doctor's
Advice
The doctor recommended a running schedule of ten
miles a week for a patient. After a week, the patient called, "Doc, I'm seventy miles
away now. What should I do now?'
True
Story
From: bsellers@cneti.com (Billy &
Sharon Sellers)
A true story as told by mom- Sharon Sellers:
My son Derek came home from school one day and told me that this girl and boy in
his class was going to french kiss. He said do you know what french kissing is?
I said "yes, do you?"
He said "Yeah, it's kissing in
tongues?"
Signs
Seen in the USA
In a funeral parlor: Ask about our
layaway plan.
In a clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits, $10.
They won't last an hour!
Suspicious
Spouse
Sometimes partners are overly suspicious of their
spouses. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're
running around with other women," she charged.
"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on
earth."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only
to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest.
It was Eve.
"What do you think you're doing?" Adam
demanded.
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.
A
Thoughtful Gift
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I
just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Easter. What do you think
it means?"
"You'll know tonight," he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she eager opened it – to find a book titled "The Meaning of
Dreams."
Milk
Bath
A woman went into the grocery and asked for fifty gallons of milk.
The clerk, amazed, asked her what she was going to do with that much milk. "I have a
skin problem and the doctor prescribed a milk bath." The clerk asked,
"Pasteurized?" She replied, . . . "No just up to my chin."
(By Katrina Farmer in The Punster)
I'd
Like to Order
The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to
order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: "I
would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest
convenience."
He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses.
Then he deleted the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: "I would
like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest
convenience."
Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the
new word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole
sentence and started all over. "Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo should be without
a mongoose," he typed. "Please send us two of them."
Great
Value
Two elderly neighbors were talking the other day and one said to the other.
"Hey I just bought a new hearing aid the other day, best hearing aid I've ever had, thing cost over 4,000 dollars."
"Great! What kind is it?"
"About 12:30"
Saved
by Logic?
A man was captured by an indigenous group and was told that,
because he was an intruder, he would have to be punished. If the next thing the man said
was a true statement, he would be thrown off a cliff. If he said a statement that was
false, he would be eaten by lions. What can the man say that would make the group let him
go?
A: "I will be eaten by lions." It would force the
captors to be illogical either way --
* If they threw the man off a cliff, the statement would be false
so they should have thrown him to the lions
* If they fed him to the lions, the statement would be true, so
they should have thrown him off a cliff. So they let him go
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