ALL THE REST –    April 2
  

Today's Quotations – Laughter
quote
He deserves Paradise who makes his companions laugh.

—  The Koran 

quoteYou can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

— Jay Leno 

 
quoteDo not judge men by mere appearances; for the light laughter that bubbles on the lip often mantles over the depths of sadness, and the serious look may be the sober veil that covers a divine peace and joy.

—  E. H. Chapin
quoteIf you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.

—  Ed Howe 

  
quote
Laughter  gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.

— Bob Newhart

 

Today's Short Words of  Wisdom



"The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing." 

Abraham Lincoln

 

word puzzle
  Today's Word – OSTENSIBLE
   

 


os·ten·si·ble adjective Represented or appearing as such; ostensive: His ostensible purpose was charity, but his real goal was popularity.

Down a short flight of stone steps they came to a picturesque terrace with tables and benches and a handfull of people, mostly young romantics, all ostensibly drawn there for the same terrestrial event -- to witness Apollo's fiery chariot sinking beyond the city, beyond the sea, in its final blaze of glory.

The Hofburg Treasures
Stephen Adams

Definitions from American Heritage Dictionary

 

Today's Fact

 

  
 


Alcoholic
Beverages

  

 

Wine

The first record that mentions the process of wine-making appeared in Egypt dating about 2500 BC. Although this is perhaps the oldest record of wine-making, archeologists have discovered evidence that grapes were being cultivated in the Near East as early as 4000 BC. The grapes cultivated were of the species Vitis vinifera, the best for producing wine.

It is likely that imbibing wine precedes this date of 4000 BC. The wild grape, Vitis sylvestris, grew from the Nile to Gibraltar on the far side of the Mediterranean. Evidence suggests that inhabitants of the Nile Valley domesticated this species of the wild grape prior to 4000 BC. It is likely that by that time the Egyptians and Sumerians were already enjoying wine and perhaps were connoisseurs of the beverage.

It was in the Near East that wine-making originated as a major commerce. It then spread to the Minoan and Greek civilizations. The Greeks planted grapes from the Black Sea to Spain and built a thriving wine trade throughout their colonies. The Greeks, favoring Vitis vinifera, introduced wine to Western civilization during the millennium before Christ. Their widespread cultivation of Vitis vinifera saw it flourish in lower Europe, particularly France and Italy, where the wine industry centers today.

The Romans were chiefly responsible for the migratory routes of the various vintages of wine. As the Holy Roman Empire spread, so too did the cultivation of the grape. By the 5th century almost all of the great vineyards of modern Europe (Bordeaux, Burgundy, Rhine, Moselle) were thriving. During the time that the Roman Catholic Church essentially ruled Europe, many of the great vineyards were owned by the church.

Source: The Browser's Book of Beginnings and Origins of Everything under, and Including the Sun - Charles Panati

 

clown
Today's SMILE

 

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

  
   

 

 

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Joseph Addison

 

A FEW SMILES   

Survival

The hacker hit the ball into the rough and landed on an anthill. He tried three times to hit the ball and each time he missed the ball and hit the anthill. Ants went flying all over the place. One ant turned to the other ant and said, "If we are going to survive, we had better get on the ball."

The Accident

A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one.  Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics  is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and  says,  "So you're a priest.  I'm a rabbi.   Just look at our cars. There's nothing  left,  but we are unhurt.   This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that  we should  meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days." The  priest replies,  "I agree with you completely.  This must be a sign from God."

The rabbi continues, "And look at this.  Here's another miracle.   My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't  break.   Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."   Then he hands the bottle to the priest. The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the  rabbi.   The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest.  The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?" The rabbi replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police."

Speeding Ticket

A police officer pulls a car over for speeding, and as he's writing the ticket the officer looks at the driver carefully and says, "Sir, I can't help but notice that your eyes are very bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"


The driver stares up at the officer and says, "Officer, I can't help but notice that your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating donuts?" 

The Test

The grizzled old sea captain was quizzing a young, tyro naval student. "What steps would you take if a sudden storm came up on the starboard?"

"I'd throw out an anchor, sir."

"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"

"I'd throw out another anchor, sir."

"But what if a third storm sprang up forward?"

"I'd throw out another anchor, captain."

"Just a minute, son. Where in the world are you getting all these anchors?"

"From the same place you're getting all your storms, sir." 

Don't Be Late

A physics professor was very strict about attendance, and despised tardiness. Every student caught arriving to class late (especially those interrupting his lecture) was quickly reprimanded in front of the whole class. Students were quick to comment on the professor's genetics. Well, one day a student entered through the front doors of the lecture hall, while the professor was writing notes on the chalkboard. The professor caught the student out of the corner of his eye (this acute sense of peripheral vision, further supported the rumors of his evolution), and turned to face the student. He demanded, "What do you think you're doing?" Being a science student, one naturally thinks quickly, so the student snapped up and replied, "I came down from the back to get a better look at the board." The professor smiled.

Back in those days, it was required that in order for a student to receive credit for a particular course, a card (listing of his/her courses) had to be signed by the instructor/lecturer. It was, at the time, policy that students attend their courses. But depending on the size of the class, it was often quite possible to receive credit, even after not attending the class regularly. Not so, with this physics professor...if he didn't recognize you, you would have to repeat the course (& attend!). On one occasion, a student handed his card to be signed. The professor looked at the name, then at the student, and said, "I've never seen you in my class," and handed back the card. Now being a science student, he naturally thought quickly, and proceeded to the end of the line. When he was at the front again, he handed his card to the professor . The professor looked at the name, then at the student, and said, "You look familiar. OK," and signed the card.

The shortest distance between two points is usually under repair.

 


Daily Miscellany Comics

 

Have A Great Day

Phillip Bower

 

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Copyright Information: Phillip Bower is not the author of the humor, and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to the jokes. Sources of jokes are listed when known. Birthday's and Happenings for the date, and quotations are public knowledge and collected from numerous sources. Quotations are public knowledge and sources are listed when known. Weekendspirations are written by Tim Knappeenberger who has copyright privileges. Cathy Vinson authors Whispers from the Wilderness and owns copyright privileges. Weekendspirations and Whispers from the Wilderness are used with permission by the respective authors. Other devotions are written by Phillip Bower unless otherwise stated. In all cases credit is given when known. The Daily Miscellany is nonprofit. Submissions by readers is welcome.