What do you get when you cross The Atlantic with the Titanic?
Halfway.
A tortoise was walking back from the pub late one evening when he was mugged by three
snails.
Later on whilst taking giving a statement at the police station the officer in charge
asked "So can you tell me what happened?"
"Not really" replied the tortoise "it all happened so fast".
The television salesman gave a man and his wife a demonstration of how to use a
remote-controlled set. He hooked it up in their living room, took the remote-control
transmitter a block down the street, and switched channels without difficulty.
But the wife didn't like it. She got tired of walking a block away every time she wanted
to change channels.
A Few Lightbulb
Jokes
Q: How many Heisenbergs does it take to screw in a
lightbulb?
A: If you know the number, then you don't know where the lightbulb is.
Q: How many professors does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
A: Only one, but he gets three research papers out of it.
Q: How many meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?
A: This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending
resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile...
Q: How many college students does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: I dunno, I forgot my calculator at home.
Q: How many first year civil engineering students does it take to change a
light bulb ?
A: None. That's a second year subject.
CROSS
EXAMINATION
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police
officer during a felony trial - it went like this:
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A. No sir, but I
subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender
running several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who provided this description? A. The officer who responded
to the scene.
Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called
offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A. Yes sir, with my life.
Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer - do you have a
locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes
in preparation for you daily duties? A. Yes sir, we do.
Q. And do you have a locker in that room? A. Yes sir, I do.
Q. And do you have a lock on your locker? A. Yes sir.
Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your
life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share
with those same officers? A. You see sir, we share the building with a
court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that
room.
I
used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
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