The aspiring psychiatrists were
attending their first class on emotional extremes.
"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor, "Mr. Nichols, what
is the opposite of joy?"
"Saddness," said the student.
"And the opposite of depression, Ms. Biggs?"
"Elation."
" And you sir, how about the opposite of woe?"
"I believe that would be giddyup," Squiffy replied.
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of
children while they drew. She would occasionally walk
around to see each child's artwork. As she got to one little girl who was
working diligently, she asked what
the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "but no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied,
"They will in a minute."
THE 20 BEST OF THE
WORST COUNTRY MUSIC SONG TITLES
20 – Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was
Pure.
19 – Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares.
18 – How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away.
17 – I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life.
16 – I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling.
15 – I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
14 – I Keep Forgettin I Forgot About You.
13 – I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.
12 – I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life.
11 – If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low.
10 – If The Phone Don't Ring Baby, You'll Know It's Me.
9 – If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go Find Someone Else Who Will.
8 – If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
7 – Mama Get The Hammer, There's A Fly On Papa's Head.
6 – She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty.
5 – Thank God And Greyhound, She's Gone.
4 – When You Leave, Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In.
3 – You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat.
2 – You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.
1 – There Ain't Enough Whiskey In Texas To Drink The Ugly Out Of You.
Kasha Linka
This salesman selling vacuum cleaners is going from
door to door trying to flog them to unsuspecting housewives. He goes to this new estate
hoping to have some luck there. Carrying his cleaner up to the door and holding a
bunch of goodies in his other hand, he knocks on the door.
"Excuse me madam," meanwhile pushing his way in the door. He quickly empties the
goodies he has all over the lady's plush new wool carpet, including doggie stuff, gravel,
dirt and an array of other stuff.
Then he pronounces: "The cleaners that I am about to sell you here are so good that
if it doesn't clean that crap off your carpet I vow that I will eat it!"
The lady furious with the mess replies, "Well ,would you like sauce with that because
we haven't got the power on yet!"
It
Takes a Computer
An accounting company buys a
gigantic computer. It takes up a whole wall in the small company. Two of the company's
accountants are giving it a trial run. They feed the complex accounting problem into the
computer, and in a few minutes a small piece of paper spits out the answer. They study the
paper gravely and one guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that it would
take 400 ordinary accountants 350 years to make a mistake this big." you?
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