ALL THE REST –    May 5 & 6
  

 

Today's Quotations – More Last Words

 

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See in what peace a Christian may die.

– Joseph Addison
British poet (1719)

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Always, always water for me.

–     Jane Addams
Social reformer and campaigner for temperance. When offered spirits to revive her. (1935)

 

  
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I have tried so hard to do right.

–   Grover Cleveland
(1908)
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But I have to. So little done. So much to do.

– Alexander Graham Bell
When asked not to hurry his dictation. (1922)

 
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That was a great game of golf, fellers.

–  Bing Crosby

 

 

Today's Short Words of  Wisdom



There was never a good war or a bad peace.

Benjamin Franklin

 

word puzzle
  Today's Word – UNEQUIVOCAL 
   

 


 un·e·quiv·o·cal

  adjective. Admitting of no doubt or misunderstanding; clear and unambiguous: an unequivocal success.

Buck stared as CNN broadcaster Rosenzweig's excitement and unequivocal endorsement of Carpathia.

Left Behind
Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins

Definitions from American Heritage Dictionary

 

Today's Fact

 May is frog Month on the Daily Miscellany - I hope you enjoy these facts about amphibians. God is a marvelous architect and his sense of humor and creativity is expressed in these interesting creations.

firebg.jpg (2091 bytes)

Amphibians and FROGS
frogs.wmf (17124 bytes) Salamanders and Newts 2

Salamanders look like lizards, but completely lack scales. Nearly all salamanders have four limbs, a few species have only front limbs. Their tail is laterally compressed and often crested in aquatic species.

Salamanders continue to grow throughout their lifetime. Because of this constant growth their superficial outer layer of skin is periodically shed. Some species shed their skin weekly. Some shed their skin in one piece, others in fragments. Most all salamanders will quickly devour their sloughed skin. The skin of the salamander contains three types of glands: mucous, granular and mixed. The mucous glands produce a homogenous secretion that is frothy, neutral or alkaline, and sticky. On land its function is to protect the skin from drying out, permitting respiratory exchanges which could not occur through a dry surface. In water, it helps maintain the body's internal osmotic pressure and at the same time acts as a lubricant in swimming. The granular glands produce a secretion containing various types of poisons (remember the skin of all amphibians contain poison glands) and often giving off specific odors. The mixed glands produce both mucus and granular secretions.

Salamanders have no salivary glands. Those that are totally aquatic have simple tongue that is nothing more than a fleshy fold on the floor of the mouth that has no muscles. All other salamanders have a mobile well-developed tongue that is used to procure food when hunting on land. Most salamanders are active only at dusk and at night. All are carnivorous and usually feed on small invertebrates such as insects, spiders, crustaceans, mollusks, and worms. The larger species also salamander2.jpg (12286 bytes)prey on smaller vertebrates. Cannibalism is not at all rare and may occur in both the adult and larval stage. Unlike frogs and toads, most salamanders are silent. They have no larynx and no vocal cords. There are a few salamanders that may produce a sound when disturbed.

Salamanders and Newts 3

Not all salamanders have lungs. Some are completely without lungs and respiratory exchanges occur only through the skin and mucous membranes of the mouth and throat. Respirations through the skin plays an important role even in salamander species that do have lungs. Some salamanders never loose their gills. These aquatic species can breathe either through their skin or through external gills which stick out in bright red tufts on the sides of the head. The gills are red due to the rich supply of blood.

The heart of the salamander is a single ventricle where the arterial and ventricle blood partially mix. The left and right auricles are distinct in the salamanders with lungs and partially separated in the lungless salamanders. The red blood cells of the salamanders are very large. The red blood cells of the eel-like amphiumas of the southeastern United States is the largest red blood cell found in any vertebrate animals.

Let every created thing give praise to the Lord,
for he issued his command, and they came into being.
Psalm 148:5 (NLT)

 

 

clown
Today's SMILE

 

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

  
   

 

 

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Joseph Addison

 

A FEW SMILES   

PASTOR SEARCH COMMITTEE REPORT

In our search for a suitable pastor, the following scratch sheet was developed for your perusal. Of the candidates investigated by the committee, only one was found to have the necessary qualities. The list contains the names of the candidates and comments on each, should you be interested in investigating them further for future pastoral placements.

Noah: He has 120 years of preaching experience, but no converts.

Moses: He stutters; and his former congregation says he loses his temper over trivial things.

Abraham: He took off to Egypt during hard times. We heard that he got into trouble with the authorities and then tried to lie his way out.

David: He is an unacceptable moral character. He might have been considered for minister of music had he not 'fallen.'

Solomon: He has a reputation for wisdom but fails to practice what he preaches.

Elijah: He proved to be inconsistent, and is known to fold under pressure.

Hosea: His family life is in a shambles. Divorced, and remarried to a prostitute.

Jeremiah: He is too emotional, alarmist; some say a real 'pain in the neck.'

Amos: Comes from a farming background. Better off picking figs.

John: He says he is a Baptist but lacks tact and dresses like a hippie. Would not feel comfortable at a church potluck supper.

Peter: Has a bad temper, and was heard to have even denied Christ publicly.


Paul: We found him to lack tact. He is too harsh, His appearance is contemptible, and he preaches far too long.

Timothy: He has potential, but is much too young for the position.

Jesus: He tends to offend church members with his preaching, especially Bible scholars. He is also too controversial. He even offended the search committee with his pointed questions.

Judas: He seemed to be very practical, co-operative, good with money, cares for the poor, and dresses well. We all agreed that he is just the man we are looking for to fill the vacancy as our Senior Pastor.

Thank you for all you have done in assisting us with our pastoral search.

Sincerely,
The Pastoral Search Committee.  

From: David Parish dparish@tbci.org   via Bill's Punch Line

Tactful 

A church had a man in the choir who couldn't sing.  Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other places, but he continued to come to the choir.  The choir director became desperate and went to the pastor. "You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said.  "If you don't, I'm going to resign.  The choir members are going to quit too. Please do something."

So the pastor went to the man and suggested, "Perhaps you should leave the choir."

"Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked.

"Well, five or six people have told me you can't sing."

"That's nothing," the man snorted.  "Fifty people have told me that you can't preach!" . 

Tough Choice

An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.

"Where did you get such a rockin' bike?" asked the first.

The second engineer replied "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.

She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said 'Take what you want.'"

The second engineer nodded approvingly "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit." 

Why do hot dogs come ten to a package and hot dog buns only eight?

 


Daily Miscellany Comics

 

Have A Great Day

Phillip Bower

 

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Copyright Information: Phillip Bower is not the author of the humor, and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to the jokes. Sources of jokes are listed when known. Birthday's and Happenings for the date, and quotations are public knowledge and collected from numerous sources. Quotations are public knowledge and sources are listed when known. Weekendspirations are written by Tim Knappenberger who has copyright privileges. Cathy Vinson authors Whispers from the Wilderness and owns copyright privileges. Weekendspirations and Whispers from the Wilderness are used with permission by the respective authors. Other devotions are written by Phillip Bower unless otherwise stated. In all cases credit is given when known. The Daily Miscellany is nonprofit. Submissions by readers is welcome.