ALL THE REST —  August 4
  

For the Birds
Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep

The Roadrunner is a lizard-eating, ground dwelling cuckoo. It can be found living in the arid and semiarid desert lands of the southwest United States and into Mexico. Its wings are short, rounded and comparatively weak. The roadrunner make up for its wings with long, heavily muscled legs. Like all cuckoos, two toes on each foot turn foreword, and two backward. Unlike the cuckoos found in the rest of the world, the roadrunner (and other North American cuckoos) build their own nests and do not parasitize the nest of other birds.

The roadrunner grows to the length of about 23 inches. The tail of the roadrunner is longer than the rest of its body. The birds are generally shy in their natural habitat. A perching bird will take to the air if disturbed. The speed of the bird once it drops to the ground is amazing. It can dart in and out of thorny growth, disappearing in a flash. In the cooler hours of the early morning or evening a roadrunner might be seen running along the highway with its neck outstretched and it legs working like pistons. The bird will generally escape by running rather than taking to the air.

The roadrunner is a pugnacious critter. To secure food it will attack dangerous and timid prey alike. Fast moving lizards make up most of the diet of the road runner. Its diet is supplemented with insects, spiders, scorpions, birds, mammals and snakes. As killers of poisonous reptiles, the roadrunner is unique. It will not hesitate in making an attack. When facing a snake, the bird will feint to make the snake strike. It will then dart in with rapierlike thrusts before the animal is able to recover its balance. By repeated onslaughts, the snake is finally pecked to death.

One more thing -- the call of the roadrunner, a ground dwelling cuckoo, is an expected coo-coo-coo not the comical bee-beep. 
 

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Joseph Addison

 

One day a frog hops into a bar, jumps up on the stool, and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. The bartender says no, so the frog hops away . The next day, the frog hops into the bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. The bartender says no, so the frog hops away. The next day, the frog hops into the bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. The bartender say, "No, I don't have any grapes, and the next time you ask, I'll nail you to the wall." So the frog hops away. The next day, the frog hops in and asks the bartender, "Do you have any nails?" the bartender says no, so then the frogs says, "Well in that case, do you have any grapes?"

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Three contractors were touring the White House on the same day. One was from New York, another from Missouri, and the third from Florida. At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they each replied that they were contractors, the guard said, "Hey we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it and give me your bids."

So, to the back fence they went. First up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "I figure the job will run about $900 -- $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Next was the Missouri contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick calculations and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700 -- $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Finally, the guard asks the New York contractor for his bid.

Without batting an eye, the contractor says, "$2,700."

The guard, incredulous, looks at him and says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"Easy," says the contractor from New York, "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Missouri."

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A minister was asked by a politician, "Name something the government can do to help the church?"

The minister replied, "Quit making one dollar bills!"

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A cannibal ate a priest and got very sick. Upon visiting the witch doctor, and telling of his symptoms, the witch doctor asked how he cooked the priest.

The canible replied," I broiled him."

The Doctor said, "well no wonder you're sick, he was a Frier"

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As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.   He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"

One man stepped forward, "Aye, Captain, I know how to  pray."

"Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."

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A Newlywed's Dear Diary,

Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home, it's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow enough bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine.

Tuesday: We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But, Bob happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. Did they ever look startled when I served the salad.

Wednesday: I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the week. I can't say it improved the rice any.

Thursday: Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the garden by my mom's. So I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there one hour so the dog would not take it. Bob came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why?

Friday: Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did, right over to my mom's house. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again it looked the same as when I left it.

Saturday: Bob went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found a doll dress and some little shoes. I thought the hen looked real cute. When Bob saw it, I wondered why he counted to 10.

Sunday: Today Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast, but all we had in the icebox, was hamburger. So I put it in the oven and set the controls for roast. Must be the oven, because it still came out hamburger. Good night, Dear Diary. This has been an exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come, so I can try a new recipe on Bob.

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A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him: "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen!" replied the little boy. His cousin laughed and asked how he knew this. "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up! 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

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TRUE FACT ...

Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University

Praise does wonders for the sense of hearing.

Soul Food for August 4

History for August 4