A few years ago, there was a really eccentric oil tycoon who had taken
it into his head to collect really strange and exotic pets. One day, deciding to add to
his collection, he walked into the store of an exotic pet shop and said to the salesman ,
"Show me the most unusual pet you have in stock!"
The salesman took him to an outside tank, in which a pod of dolphins were frolicking
happily. "These may LOOK like ordinary dolphins," he told the man, "but
these were given to us to sell by a genetics research group studying ways to genetically
reduce aging in humans. It seems the experiment was a success on these little guys.
They can't survive out in the wild anymore, they're too tame, but as long as they don't
catch any severe debilitating diseases, they will live more or less forever." The man
is impressed, and being the wealthy man that he is, drops the cash to buy the dolphins and
have a suitable home for them installed in his backyard.
The man became quite attached to his pets and took very good care of them, and they
frolicked about in their tank happily for nearly fifteen years, much longer than any of
his other pets had ever survived.
The man spared no expense for their care, and seriously considered leaving his
multi-million dollar estate to them in his will. But one day they began to seem a little
droopy and not very energetic. Alarmed, the man rang for the vet, who told him that alas,
his precious dolphins had contracted a rare icthyoid disease, and the only antibiotic for
them had to be derived from the feathers of the blue savannah parrot that lived on the
jungle fringes of Africa.
The man didn't think twice. He called up his travel agent and booked the next day's flight
to Africa, and rented a jeep and a guide and pack boy to help him bag some of these
parrots. They drove up to the edge of the jungle, stopped the jeep and trudged into the
trees on an old native hunting trail, nets in hand. After about six hours of this, they
had bagged two of the parrots, and the man decided that would be enough feather to make
enough antibiotic for his pets. So he trudges back out towa rd the jeep - and freezes. A
huge, stately lion had decided to take a nap right in the middle of the path between him
and the jeep. He looks over his shoulder and realizes that his companions have fled
leaving him literally holding the bag, and the grow th is too thick on either side of the
trail to make it past without waking the lion. So he backs up about fifty feet, gets a
running start, and leaps over the beast and makes a dash for the jeep and drives off for
the airport.
Just as he is nearing sight of the airport, he hears a siren and sees some flashing
lights. He dutifully pulls over, and a policeman steps up to him and says, "I'm
sorry, sir, but you're under arrest - "
The man interrupts him, "Oh, please, officer, I'll pay any fine at all! I need to get
these parrots back so I can make a vaccine for my dolphins so they don't die!"
"Well, sir," the policeman replies, "I'm afraid that's the root of the
problem. I have to arrest you for taking mynahs over the stately lion for immortal
porpoises."
Source: Dr. Charley King
We spend the first six years teaching our children to walk and talk, and the next 15
telling them to be quiet and sit down.
– Dear Abbey
A man noticed a young lady edging her car back and forth in a tight
parking space. Being a helpful fellow, he stopped to help her. He signaled how she should
turn the wheel and when to go forward and when to go back. After a few minutes, under his
expert directing, the car was nestled tightly against the curb.
"There you are," he said. "Snug as a bug in a rug."
"I know," she said, "and I appreciate your help. But I wasn't trying to
park it. I was trying to get out."
HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT WITHOUT EXERCISING
Here's the guide to calorie-burning activities and the number of calories per hour they
consume.
Beating around the bush. . . . . . . . .75
Jumping to conclusions . . . . . . . . 100
Climbing the walls . . . . . . . . . . 150
Swallowing your pride. . . . . . . . . .50
Passing the buck . . . . . . . . . . . .25
Throwing your weight around
(depending on your weight). . . .50-300
Dragging your heels. . . . . . . . . . 100
Pushing your luck. . . . . . . . . . . 250
Making mountains out of molehills. . . 500
Hitting the nail on the head . . . . . .50
Wading through paperwork . . . . . . . 300
Bending over backwards . . . . . . . . 75
Jumping on the bandwagon . . . . . . . 200
Balancing the books. . . . . . . . . . .25
Running around in circles. . . . . . . 350
Eating crow. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 225
Tooting your own horn. . . . . . . . . .25
Climbing the ladder of success . . . . 750
Pulling out the stops. . . . . . . . . .75
Adding fuel to the fire. . . . . . . . 160
Wrapping it up at the day's end. . . . .12
To which you may want to add your own favorite activities, including:
Opening a can of worms . . . . . . . . .50
Putting your foot in your mouth. . . . 300
Starting the ball rolling. . . . . . . .90
Going over the edge. . . . . . . . . . .25
Picking up the pieces after. . . . . . 350
Counting eggs before thay hatch. . . . . 6
Calling it quits . . . . . . . . . . . . 2
TRUE FACT ...
Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year
olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.
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