A young man was in love with two women and
could not decide which of them to marry.
Finally he went to a marriage counsellor.
When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other
made delicious pancakes.
"Oh" said the counsellor, "I see what the problem is. You can't decide
whether to marry for batter or verse."
A Spelling Lesson in
English
If GH stands for P as in
Hiccough
If OUGH stands for O as in
Dough
If PHTH stands for T as in
Phthisis
If EIGH stands for A as in
Neighbour
If TTE stands for T as in
Gazette
If EAU stands for O as in
Plateau
The right way to spell POTATO shoud be: GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU
Kasha Linka
Out of Luck
A Swiss guy, looking for directions,
pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says. The two Americans
just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?" No response.
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
The first American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a
foreign language...."
"Why?" says the other, "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't
do him any good."
Kasha Linka
"Veterinarian's Joint Business Venture"
My brother got tired of being a taxidermist after 15 years,
and went to veterinarian school. His new business
never got off the ground so he decided to operate
both his taxidermy and vet business together to save
money.
His new slogan was:
"No Matter What Happens -- You Get Your Cat Back!"
Kasha Linka
I'm Still On My Diet
A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's
favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and
they'd eaten half of it at dinner.
The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin
slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman
went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her
husband would be disappointed.
Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out. She
smiled. "He never found out. I made another
cake and ate half!"
Two guys who worked together were both laid off, so off they go to the
unemployment office.
Asked his occupation, the first guy says, "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto
cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled
labor, she gives him $300, a week's unemployment pay.
The second guy was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replies. Since
diesel fitter is a skilled job the clerk gives the second guy $600 a week.
When the first guy finds out he's furious. He storms back in to find out why his friend
and co-worker is collecting double his pay. The clerk explains: "Panty stitchers are
unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor."
"What skill?" yells the panty stitcher. "I sew the elastic on and he pulls
on it and says, 'Yep, diesel fitter.' "
TRUE FACT ...
Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year
olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.
SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford
University |
