 Yard Work
A contractor was going though a
client's home as she told him what colors she wanted each room. "I want the living
room yellow", she said.
The contractor leaned out the window
and yelled "Green side up!"
In the bedroom she wanted a light
pastel blue.
Once again the contractor leaned out
the window and yelled "Green side up!"
After she requested mauve for the
bathroom, the contractor once again leaned out the window and yelled "Green side
up!"
The client finally asked. "I
requested three different colors and you kept yelling the same thing out the window.
How come?" The contractor
answered, "My crew is laying down your sod outside."
SOURCE: ZONDERVAN PUBLISHING
HOUSE E-MAIL ALERT SERVICE Time To Smile
HELP!
Hear about the man who called 911 when his house was on
fire? The operator told him to settle down and asked how they could get to his house.
His reply: "Duh, like in a big red truck!"
SOURCE: ZONDERVAN PUBLISHING
HOUSE E-MAIL ALERT SERVICE Time To Smile
I have my Degree in Liberal
Arts
- The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why
does it work?"
- The graduate with an Engineering degree asks,
"How does it work?"
- The graduate with an Accounting degree asks,
"How much will it cost?"
- The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks,
"Do you want fries with that?"
SOURCE: ZONDERVAN PUBLISHING
HOUSE E-MAIL ALERT SERVICE Time To Smile
I
started out in this world with nothing, and I still have most of it left! |
The Furries
It seems that when the
astronauts landed on the moon they were met by a group of small fuzzy creatures known as
"Furries." The King Furry introduced himself and offered the earthlings a
tour of the underground kingdom. After visiting the mall, parks and schools, they
were taken on a tour of the hospital. It was a fine facility but the astronauts did
notice a small furry sitting in a corner with a hypodermic needle sticking out of its
head. Curious about that, they asked the King what was wrong with that particular
furry.
"Why, nothing. Thats just a Furry
with a syringe on the top."
SOURCE: Shirley pnst@voicenet.com VIA Bill's Punch Line.
Long ago there was a kingdom where the King wore a brightly colored vest instead of a
crown. The vest was adorned with all different colors of berries to make it
beautiful. Maintaining this vest was difficult because it needed
freshening daily. His people would go into the mountains with big nets.
They would throw the nets over the berry bushes, and snare the fresh berries for the
King. The people valued and honored this vest as the symbol of the throne.
One day the colors on the King's vest were fading badly. The people were asked to
bring in fresh berries, but there were none to be had. The King looked very bad, so much
so that he so he issued this proclamation: ... "A reward will be paid for those who
snare enough to mend the berry vest."
(By Harry Tilden)
A wealthy man bought a ranch in Kentucky, bought several promising young
thoroughbred horses, and hired some experts to raise them while he followed other
pursuits. He quickly found, however, that the money flow was only in one direction, out of
his pocket. He decided to make a surprise visit to his ranch, and found to his horror,
that he had been financing a gentle retirement home for lazy race horses. Each horse gave
clear evidence of living a wholly sedentary life. The horses were grossly overweight.
Moreover, they were so unused to moving rapidly that many small birds had built nests in
their hair, and these birds were busy raising their young. He was incensed and fired all
his ranch hands. Next, he grabbed a ladder and garden rake, and he started cleaning up his
horses, removing the bird nests from off their backs. In his anger, he gave these now
immortal instructions to his new helpers: "BEAST IS BEAST, AND NEST IS NEST, AND
NEVER THE MANE SHALL TWEET!"
TRUE FACT ...
Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year
olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.
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