NOTES ON DIETING
1. If you eat something, but no one
else sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. When drinking a diet soda while
eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else,
calories don't count as long as you don't eat more than they do.
4. Foods used for medicinal purposes
never count. e.g. hot chocolate, toast, Sara Lee cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else
around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie-related foods do not have
calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal
fuel. e.g. milk duds, buttered popcorn, junior mints and Tootsie Rolls.
7. Cookie pieces contain no
calories. The process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage.
8. Late-night snacks have no
calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way
into the calorie counter.
9. If you are in the process of
preparing something, food licked off knives and spoons have no calories. e.g. peanut
butter on a knife, ice cream on a spoon.
10.Food of the same color have the
same number of calories. Examples are spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white
chocolate. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other.
SOURCE: ZONDERVAN
PUBLISHING HOUSE E-MAIL ALERT SERVICE Time To Smile
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Smithville wakes up
early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople
sit in their pews and talk about their lives,
their families, etc.
Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running
for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from
Evil Incarnate.
Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew,
seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This
confuses Satan a bit.
Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?"
The man says, "Yep, sure do."
Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?"
The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."
Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?"
"Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."
A teacher was testing a young student's math
progress and read the following problem: "Michael delivers
groceries. One day he delivered three bags to Mrs. Brown, eight bags to Mr. Gomez
and four bags to Miss Harrison. How many bags did Michael deliver that day?"
Her student pondered a moment and replied:
"All of them."
SOURCE: ZONDERVAN
PUBLISHING HOUSE E-MAIL ALERT SERVICE Time To Smile
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main
Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your
heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say,..."
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later
the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at
his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the
groom."
I
started out in this world with nothing, and I still have most of it left! |
A little boy is gone to school one day and while he is gone, his cat gets killed. His
mother is very concerned about how he will take the news. Upon his arrival home, she
explains the tragedy and tries to console the boy saying, "But don't worry, the cat
is in heaven with God now."
The boy replied, "What's God gonna' do with a dead cat?"
The Temperance Sermon
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he
said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the
river."
With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take
it and throw it into the river."
And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it
and throw it into the river." He sat down.
The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our
closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365:
"Shall We Gather at the River."
TRUE FACT ...
Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year
olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.
|
The stomach of an adult human holds nearly 2 quarts of
semi-digested food. This food stays in the stomach for 3 to 5 hours. The stomach releases
this partially digested food slowly to the remainder of the digestive system. Fifteen
hours or more after the first delictable bite is taken, the final residue of the food is
excreted.
