 What
Congress means by ethics is best explained by the tailor's story:
"Suppose I sell a suit to a young man for $200. He tells me that his family is
footing the bill and that if I give him a receipt for $400 to give to his parents, he will
pay me $100 on the side.
The question of ethics is: Do I keep the extra $100 myself, or do I tell my partner and
split it with him?"
A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber
arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed
the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a
doctor!" The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said, "Neither did I
when I was a doctor."
ELEMENTARY LAWS OF LIFE
1. PETER PRINCIPLE: Within any given system, man rises to
his level of incompetence.
2. MURPHY'S LAW: If anything can go wrong, it will.
3. O'TOOL'S COMMENTARY ON MURPHY'S LAW: Murphy was an optimist.
4. THE UNSPEAKABLE LAW: As soon as you mention something....
if it's good, it goes away - if it's bad, it happens.
5. NON RECIPROCAL LAW OF EXPECTATIONS: Negative expectations yield negative results.
Positive expectations yield negative results.
6. HOWE'S LAW: Every man has a scheme that will NOT work.
7. ZYMURGY'S FIRST LAW OF EVOLVING SYSTEMS DYNAMICS: Once you open a can of worms,
the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.
8. ETORRE'S OBSERVATION: The other line moves faster.
9. SKINNER'S CONSTANT (FLANNAGAN'S FINAGLING FACTOR): That quantity which, when
multiplied by, divided by, added to, or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the
answer you should have gotten.
10. LAW OF SELECTIVE GRAVITY: An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
11. JENNING'S COROLLARY: The chance of bread falling with the buttered side
down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
12. GORDON'S FIRST LAW: If a research project is not worth doing, it is not worth
doing well.
13. MAIER'S LAW: If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be
disposed of.
14. HOARE'S LAW OF LARGE PROBLEMS: Inside every large problem is a small problem
struggling to get out.
15. BOREN'S FIRST LAW: When in doubt, mumble.
16. THE GOLDEN RULE OF ARTS AND SCIENCES: Whoever has the most gold makes the rules.
17. BARTH'S DISTINCTION: There are two types of people: those who divide people into
two types, and those who don't.
18. SEGAL'S LAW: A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two
watches is never sure.
19. NINETY-NINETY RULE OF PROJECT SCHEDULES: The first 90% of the task takes 90% of the
time, and the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time.
20. FARBER'S FOURTH LAW: Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.
From Kasha Linka
Experience
is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again.
– F. P. Jones. |
MY NEW WATCH
Jake is struggling through an airport terminal with two huge and
obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks: "Have you
got the time?"
Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. "It's a
quarter to six", he says.
"Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!" exclaims the stranger.
Jake brightens a little. "Yeah, it's not bad. Check this
out..." - and he shows him a time zone display not just for every time zone in the
world, but for the 86 largest metropoli. He hits a few buttons and from somewhere on
the watch a voice says "The time is eleven till six" in a very West
Texas accent. A few more buttons and the same voice says something in
Japanese. Jake continues "I've put in regional accents for each city. The
display is unbelievably high quality and the voice is simply astounding." The
stranger is struck dumb with admiration.
"That's not all...", says Jake. He pushes a few more
buttons and a tiny but very hi-resolution map of New York City appears on the display.
"The flashing dot shows our location by satellite positioning", explains
Jake. "View recede ten", Jake says, and the display changes to show
eastern New York state.
"I want to buy this watch!" says the stranger.
"Oh, no, it's not ready for sale yet; I'm still working out the bugs", says the
inventor. "But look at this", and he proceeds to demonstrate that "the
watch is also a very creditable little FM radio receiver with a digital tuner, a sonar
device that can measure distances up to 125 meters, a pager with thermal paper printout
and, most impressive of all, the capacity for voice recordings of up to 300
standard-size books, though I only have 32 of my favorites in there so far" says
Jake.
"I've got to have this watch!" says the stranger.
"No, you don't understand; it's not ready."
"I'll give you $1000 for it!"
"Oh, no, I've already spent more than ..."
"I'll give you $5000 for it!"
"But it's just not ..."
"I'll give you $15,000 for it!" And the stranger pulls out a checkbook.
Jake stops to think. He's only put about $8,500 into materials and development, and with
$15,000 he can make another one and have it ready for merchandising in only six
months. The stranger frantically finishes writing the check and waves it in front of
him.
"Here it is, ready to hand to you right here and now. $15,000. Take it or leave
it."
Jake abruptly makes his decision. "OK", he says, and peels off the watch and
hands it to the stranger.
They make the exchange and the stranger starts happily away.
"Hey, wait a minute", calls Jake after the stranger, who turns around warily.
Jake points to the two suitcases he had been trying to wrestle through the terminal.
"Don't forget your batteries."
From KASHA LINKA
TRUE FACT ...
Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year
olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.
|
Among mammals, only humans, primates, and a
few other species can recognize colors. The human eye can distinuish between some 10
million shades and hues.
