Billy-bob, a Calgary trucker, takes off for a quick holiday in
florida before driving back to Regina for the Gray Cup. He's about to jump in the surf,
but, hey, he's in Florida, so he figures he'd better check out the alligator situation.
"Nope,no gaters here." says a local.
Billy-Bob is way out in the water, when his brain kicks in again. "How come there's
no gators?" he yells back to the fella on the shore.
"They're afraid of the sharks," yells the local.......
From: "David A. Rinke II" funny-pages@plato.ens.gu.edu.au
from:Kasha Linka KashaL@concentric.net
A long time ago, in the city of Munich, the inhabitants were having
a big problem. There was a massive increase in the number of dogs residing in the city.
Not only were thousands of dogs, but they were BIG dogs.... real hounds to be exact.
Anyway, the people of Munich bunched together and decided they would solve the problem by
driving all the dogs out of the city and into the hills. So one day, they all grouped
together and forced all the hounds out of the city and into the hills, thereby solving
their problem.
However, this action proved disastrous for the neighbouring town of Lieden. Lieden was a
leader in the manufacturing of paper and the big paper mills provided work for many. As
the hounds in the hills began to get hungry, they descended upon the small town of Lieden
and were soon running a riot! All the shops were broken into as the dogs searched for
food. As Lieden was much smaller than Munich, they didn't have the manpower to force the
hounds out of the town and all the inhabitants decided to go to Munich and complain. As
they were leaving their homes, suddenly a tremendous noise came from up on the hill, where
the paper-mill was located. As all the residents were in the process of evacuating, they
were puzzled as to who was running the mills. Suddenly, an old man spoke up, claiming he
knew the answer. He took a deep breath and said....
"The mills are alive with the hounds of Munich!"
.
From: "Funny Pages Mailing List" funny-pages@plato.ens.gu.edu.au
One day many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband with
twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn't think of what to name
them. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, "Let's not decide on
names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us."
After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact.
When left alone, one of the boys would always turn towards the sea, while the
other boy would face away from the sea. It didn't matter which way the parents
positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. "Let's
call the boys Towards and Away," suggested the fisherman. His wife agreed, and
from that point on, the boys were simply known as Towards and Away.
The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong. The day came when the aging
fisherman said to his sons, "Boys, it is time you learned how to make a living from
the sea." They provisioned their ship, said their good-byes, and set sail for a
three month voyage.
The three months passed quickly for the fisherman's wife, yet the ship had not returned.
Another three months passed, and still no ship.
Three whole years passed before the grieving woman saw a lone man walking towards her
house. She recognized him as her husband. "My goodness! What has
happened to you?!" she cried. "And what has happened to my darling
boys?"
The ragged fisherman began to tell his story:
"We were just barely one whole day out to sea when Towards hooked into a great fish.
Towards fought long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal. For
a whole week they wrestled upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet
eventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over the side
of our ship. He was swallowed whole, and we never saw either of them again."
"Oh dear, that must have been terrible! What a huge fish that must have been!
What a horrible fish. What a foul fish."
"Yes, it was. But you should have seen the one that got Away...."
from:Kasha Linka KashaL@concentric.net
Quantum
Mechanics:
The dreams stuff is made of. |
Did you hear about the seminarian who argued that
Noah had the best hearing in the Bible?
When asked to back up his claim, he pointed out that it was God Himself who insisted that
Noah *herd* everything.
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college
student led the way into the den.
"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his
friends asked.
"That is the talking clock", the man replied.
"How's it work?" the friend asked.
"Watch", the man said then proceeded to give the gong
an ear shattering pound with the hammer.
Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall
" KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! It's two AM in the morning!
Last Words
Three buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation.
They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning
upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my
time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school
teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say.....LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!!!"
.
Where Did You Get Him?
Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd
we get him?"
His mother says, "Heaven, Johnny."
Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out"
TRUE FACT ...
Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year
olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.
|
The human heart squeezes out about 2.5
ounces of blood with every beat of the heart. Each day it pumps at least 2,500 gallons of
blood. This amount of blood weighs 20 tons. The circulatory system of the average human
would extend about 60,000 miles if it could be laid end to end. 
