ALL THE REST —  October 11
  

 

Today's Quotations –  Forgiveness:

 


Pardon one another so that later on you will not remember the injury. The recollection of an injury is . . . a rusty arrow and poison for the soul.

— St. Francis of Paola


If we really want ... to learn how to forgive, perhaps we had better start with something easer than the Gestapo.

—  C. S. Lewis


The only people ... who can be trusted with forgiveness are thoses who at the same time acknowledge their solidity in sin with the forgiven. Otherwise, forgivingness, like justice, is an instrument of opression.

— A. Boyce Gibson


Teach your children how to forgive, make your homes places of love and forgiveness; make your streets and neighborhoods centers of peace and reconciliation.

  — Pope John II


It is fitting for a great God to forgive great sinners.

—  Talmud


We witness... by being a community of reconciliation, a forgiving community of the forgiven.

— Bishop Desmond Tutu


I must practice unlimited forgiveness because, if I did not, I should be wanting in veracity to myself, for it would be acting as if I myself were not guilty in the same way as the other has been guilty towards me.

—  Albert Schweitzer


Where is the foolish person who would think it in his power to commit more than God could forgive.

– St. Francis de Sales


 

word puzzle
  Today's Word – Wounded - Bruised
   

 

These two words are from Isaiah 53:5

But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

Isaiah 53:5

The word used here for wounded is the Hebrew word: chalal {khaw-lal'} it is found 131 Times in the Old Testament. Here it is translated as wounded. It is also translated as: profane, pollute, defile, break, wounded, and slay. Used here it means:

to wound (fatally), bore through, pierce, bore
(Qal) to pierce
(Pual) to be slain
(Poel) to wound, pierce

The word used here for bruised
is the Hebrew word: daka' {daw-kaw'} it is found 18 Times in the Old Testament. Here it is translated as bruised. It is also translated as: break, break in pieces, crush, bruise, destroy. Used here it means:

to crush, be crushed, be contrite, be broken
to be crushed
to be contrite (fig.)
(Piel) to crush
to be crushed, be shattered
(Hithpael) to allow oneself to be crushed

Isaiah 53:5 is the central verse of the central chapter of Isaiah. It is also a verse that expresses the central truth of the Bible. Christ was wounded ("thrust through" - as with great spikes) and bruised ("crushed to death") for our sins. What a great love He has shown us.

Definition from American Heritage Dictionary

 

 

Today's Fact

 


FOOD

Coffee, (which makes the politician wise, and see thro' all things with his half-shut eyes).

Alexander Pope -
The Rape of the Lock, 1714


COFFEE

Avicenna, the Arabian philosopher and physician, is acredited with first recording the use of coffee as a beverage. Somewhere about 1000 AD he called the brew 'bunc.' This word for coffee is still used in Ethiopia today. For centuries coffee was used chiefly as a medicine. It was not until the 16th century that it was drank socially in Arabia and Persia.

The earliest recorded coffee house was the'Kiva Han.' It opened in Constantinople in 1475. During the next century coffee houses were called: 'Mekteb-i-irfan' which means 'school of the cultured.'

The practice of drinking coffee with milk and sugar was started by the owner of Vienna's Domgasse. This coffee house was opened by Franz Georg Kolshitsky in 1683. This polish adventurer was also responsble for originating the style of coffee known as 'Viennese.' Viennese coffee is strained to produce a clear liquid without grounds.

In 1930 the Brazilian Institute of Coffee suggested that coffee beans be reduced to a soluble powder. The Nestle company of Vevey, Switzerland, took up the challenge. After eight years of research they produced the world's first instant coffee and called it Nescafe.

 Source: The New Shell Book of Firsts - Patrick Robertson


 
Let every created thing give praise to the Lord,
for he issued his command, and they came into being.

Psalm 148:5 (NLT)

 

clown
Today's SMILE

 

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

 
   

 

 

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Joseph Addison

 

A FEW SMILES   

 

smile6.gif (2723 bytes)

Haircuts - The difference between men and women


Women's version:

Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!

Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

Woman2: Oh Gosh no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.

Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

Woman2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.

Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.


Men's version:

Man2: Haircut?

Man1: Yeah.."


smile

American Astronauts

One day the N.A.S.A. scientists and the astronauts were having exercise somewhere in the Middle America. They were practising the expedition to Mars. This surrounding has been chosen because the ground looked similar to Mars's surface.

Soon they got a company. An elderly Native American man was looking at them and he seemed to be very interesting in what they were doing. He asked them in his bad English:

'What is going on in here?'

They explained him all about their expedition to Mars. They also said that there is a possibility that they will  discover a new life form there.

An old Indian seemed pretty excited and delighted. His next question was:

'Could you guys give my message to the aliens, if you will meet them by coincidence?'

The group from N.A.S.A. liked it very much. The idea about sending a message from this elderly Native American man to unknown aliens was amusing and worth trying. So the man spoke a few words in native language (because his English was too poor) and the message was recorded on the tape. But because the guys from N.A.S.A. were a bit in a hurry they forgot to asked him what was the meaning of the message. This was not so small problem, since no one at N.A.S.A. knew language of this Native American.

In the next week the leader of the group was trying very hard to find someone to translate the message. At first he wasn't successful, but when he finally found someone, the meaning of the message was discovered. The message was: 'Beware of these guys! They came only to steal your soil!'

Just 4 Laughs!




Phone Won't Stop Ringing? Here's What You Do

Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it.

The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola.

From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number.

Naturally, the management refused claiming that it could not change its stationery.

The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else's calls 24 hours a day didn't make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands.

At 9 o'clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leoloa said, "No problem.  How many nights?"

A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite with two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a night. The secretary said that she would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit.  "No, that won't be necessary," Leola said. "We trust you."

The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she booked an electric appliance manufacturers' convention for Memorial Day weekend, a college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans from World War II.

She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she could watch the O.J. Simpson trial, but her biggest challenge came in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her daughter's wedding in June.

Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to take care of it. The mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the floral arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up.

Once again Leola was helpful. "There's no charge for valet parking, but we always recomend that the client tips the drivers."

Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a disaster area.

People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and Sweet Sixteen parties and were all told there were no such events.

Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper that the motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an executive from Marriott said, "We're prepared to offer you $200,000 for the motel."

Leola replied. "We'll take it, but only if you change the telephone number."  

GIVE ME WATER

A man is crawling through the Sahara desert when he is approached by another man riding on a camel.  When the rider gets close enough, the crawling man whispers through his sun-parched lips, "Water... please... can you give... water..."
 

"I'm sorry," replies the man on the camel, "I don't have any water  with me.  But I'd be delighted to sell you a necktie."

"Tie?" whispers the man.  "I need *water*."

"They're only four dollars apiece."

"I need *water*."

"Okay, okay, say two for seven dollars."

"Please!  I need *water*!", says the man.

"I don't have any water, all I have are ties," replies the salesman,     and he heads off into the distance.

The man, losing track of time, crawls for what seems like days. Finally, nearly dead, sun-blind and with his skin peeling and blistering, he sees a restaurant in the distance.   Summoning the last of his strength he staggers up to the door and confronts the head waiter.

"Water... can I get... water," the dying man manages to stammer.

"I'm sorry, sir, ties required."

vyx@CHINET.CHINET.COM




The Witness Mrs. Jones

A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial -- a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby sit him for his parents.
And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"



TRUE FACT ...

Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University

 


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Now I Have A Computer.

 


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Phillip Bower

 


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Copyright Information: Phillip Bower is not the author of the humor, and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to the jokes. Sources of jokes are listed when known. Birthday's and Happenings for the date, and quotations are public knowledge and collected from numerous sources. Quotations are public knowledge and sources are listed when known. Weekendspirations are written by Tim Knappenberger who has copyright privileges. Cathy Vinson authors Whispers from the Wilderness and owns copyright privileges. Weekendspirations and Whispers from the Wilderness are used with permission by the respective authors. Other devotions are writen by Phillip Bower unless otherwise stated. In all cases credit is given when known. The Daily Miscellany is nonprofit. Submissions by readers is welcome.