December 7 -2000 - All the Rest

For the Advent season there will be a change on this section of the DM.
There will be a trivia question related to Christmas (not Biblically related)
The Christmas fact will appear on the Advent page - along with a Christmas Inspiration and a Christmas Quotation.


A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

Rookie Cop

A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car's radio telling them to disperse some people smile6.gif (2723 bytes) who were loitering.

The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.

The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner."

No one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off the corner!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction.

Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"

Pretty good, " replied the veteran, "especially since this is a bus stop."

The Day Off

A boss once issued the following memo to all his employees:

Before you ask me for a day off, consider the following:
There are 365 days in the year.
You sleep 8 hours a day or 122 days.
Subtract that from 365 days and you have only 243 days.
You also spend another 8 hours a day away from work.
That accounts for another 122 days.
Subtract that from 243 days and you have only 121 days.
You get 52 weekends off, for a total of 104 days.
Subtract that from 121 and you are left with 17 days.
You also get 10 legal holidays off.
Subtract that from 17 and you have 7 days left.
You also get coffee breaks every work day for a total of 6 days.
Subtract that from 7 and you have only one working day. Now! Why in the world should I give you that one day off!

Speaker's Encyclopedia of Jokes, Puns, Riddles, Quotations & Alternate Dictionary

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled.

With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

Prison Life vs A Full-Time Job

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle.

In prison you get three meals a day.
At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.

In prison you get time off for good behavior.
At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself. In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.

In prison you can watch TV and play games.
At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere.
At work you are just ball-and-chained.

In prison you get your own toilet.
At work you have to share.

In prison they allow your family and friends to visit.
At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends.

In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required.
At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.

In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside bars.

In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time.
At work there are some programs you can never get out of.

In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic.
At work we have managers.'

From: Just4Laughs@USA.Net

Top 10 Reasons Why Santa is a Network

10. Santa is magical, dresses funny, and is a little off in the head.

9. Santa laughs entirely too much.

8. Little elves do all the hard work while Santa takes all the credit.

7. If Santa doesn't come through, a lot of people will feel miserable.

6. Santa seldom answers your mail or phone calls.

5. He knows if you've been bad or good.

4. Santa doesn't care about your deadlines.

3. Nobody knows who Santa has to answer to for his actions.

2. Santa thinks nothing of breaking into your $HOME.

1. Only a lunatic says bad things about Santa in his presence.

TRUE FACT ...

Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University

Copyright Information: Phillip Bower is not the author of the humor, and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to the jokes. Sources of jokes are listed when known. Birthday's and Happenings for the date, and quotations are public knowledge and collected from numerous sources. Quotations are public knowledge and sources are listed when known. Weekendspirations are written by Tim Knappenberger who has copyright privileges. Cathy Vinson authors Whispers from the Wilderness and owns copyright privileges. Weekendspirations and Whispers from the Wilderness are used with permission by the respective authors. Other devotions are written by Phillip Bower unless otherwise stated. In all cases credit is given when known. The Daily Miscellany is nonprofit. Submissions by readers is welcome.

THE REST – December 7

Today's Quotations Money

Today's Word – AUSPICIOUS

Today's Fact