THE REST –    December 16 & 17
  

TODAY'S QUESTION

Wooster, Ohio, saw the introduction of a familiar Christmas item in 1847. What was it? 

Previous Question and Answer: 

Question:  National Whiners Day, which first began in 1986, falls on the day after what holiday? 

 Answer: Christmas; presumably the day after Christmas is a good day to whine."
 

Questions and answers from: J. Stephen Lang, The Big Book of American Trivia (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc, 1997).

Merry Christmas

Christmas Quotation, Fact and Inspiration.

Snow White took photos of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. She took the film to be developed.  After a week or so she went to get the finished photos.  The clerk said the photos  were not back from the processor.    Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry.  The clerk, trying to console her, said, "Don't worry.  Someday your prints will come."

zphhumor jprof@univ.com

The judge fined a motorist $25 for speeding, and gave him a receipt. 

"What am I supposed to do with this, frame it?" snapped the driver sarcastically. 

"No, save it," replied  the judge.   "When you get three you get a bicycle."

zphhumor jprof@univ.com

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A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert.  "What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?"  he asked.  Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc.
    
  Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand.  "Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scout Master. 

Timmy  replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of  cards." 

"Why's that Timmy?"  "Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..."

"And what about the deck of cards?"  asked the Scout Master impatiently.

"Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top of that black   ten!" 

zphhumor jprof@univ.com

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Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived.  The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed,  "I'll hear the oldest first."  The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.

zphhumor jprof@univ.com

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A man went to his office and bumped into one of his assistants.

He looked up and muttered, "My word! Look at you. You've lost weight. You've dyed your hair. You've replaced your glasses. You have even grown taller, Mike".

"Sir, my name is not Mike,"; replied the assistant.

"My Goodness! You have even changed your name!"

Speaker's Encyclopedia of Jokes, Puns, Riddles, Quotations & Alternate Dictionary

 

A Cats' Top Ten Favorite Christmas Songs:

Up on the Mousetop

Have Yourself a Furry Little Christmas

Joy to the Curled

I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claus

The First Meow

Oh, Come All Ye Fishful

Silent Mice

Fluffy, the Snowman

Jingle Balls

Wreck the Halls! .

          WINTER WEBLAND
          (Sing to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")

    
             Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin',
             From my mouth, drool is glist'nin',
              I'm happy -- although
              My boss let me go --
             Happily addicted to the Web.
    
             All night long, I sit clicking,
             Unaware time is ticking,
              There's beard on my cheek,
              Same clothes for a week,
             Happily addicted to the Web!
    
             Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, "Yo, man!
             Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?"
             With a listless shrug, I mutter; I say "No, man;
             I just discovered zondervan-dot-com!"
    
             I don't phone, don't send faxes,
             Don't go out, don't pay taxes,
              Who cares if someday
              They drag me away?
             I'm happily addicted to the Web!
    
             Happ-ilyyyyy, ad-dict-eeeed to the Weeeeeb!!!

ZONDERVAN PUBLISHING HOUSE E-MAIL ALERT SERVICE

The Night Before Christmas
A firefighter's Story

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the town, the fire siren echoed blaring its sound. 
The firefighters came running from far and from near, and raced to the trucks quickly donning their gear. 

And I in my bunkers my boots and my hat, jumped to the engine to see where the fire's at. 

Down at the corner of Fifth and of Oak, the dispatcher informed us of a house filled with smoke. 

Smoke poured from the sides, from up and from down, yet up on the roof there was none to be found. 

So up to the rooftop we raised up a ladder, and climbed to the top to see what was the matter. 

I came to the chimney and what did I see, but a fellow in red stuck past his knees. 

Well we tugged and we pulled until he came out, then he winked with his eye and said with a shout. 

"These darn newfangled chimneys they make them too small, for a fellow as I, not skinny at all." 

With a twitch of his nose he dashed to his sleigh, and called to his reindeer, "AWAY now, AWAY." 

As we rolled up our hoses he flew out of sight, saying "God bless our firefighters" and to all a good night. 

Daily Miscellany Comics

Phill Bower

Soul Food December 16 & 17

Today in History December 16
Today in History December 17