Begin or End each week with a Meaningful Inspiration.

Enough Said?

by Tim Knappenberger

  This past week brought one of those moments that come along only rarely in this life. Barbara was a former colleague of mine. She worked for years as a social worker specializing in assisting the elderly. She was kind, patient, and extremely funny. One Halloween years ago found her dressing up and coming to work as the Statue of Liberty, complete with white face, bed sheet gown and paper mache’ torch. Barbara always made me laugh.

Barbara retired about four years ago. She and her husband had purchased a house on a lake. They had planned to spend years of retirement bliss traveling the world and then coming home to their lake to boat and fish. We all were happy (and jealous) of Barbara when we gave her our retirement send off. Then a couple years following her leaving the agency, we learned of Barbara’s breast cancer.

Barbara went the typical route of many cancer patients; numerous rounds of chemotherapy and radiation. The cancer’s scourge was able to be slowed long enough to permit her some additional time to travel and enjoy retired life. However, the last year grew increasingly problematic. The cancer intensified it’s assault on Barbara and her condition deteriorated.

During her battle, most of her former colleagues kept in touch with her through cards, phone calls and the one or two particular co-workers she had been close to. Barbara was a very private person and no one wished to intrude on her world or impose themselves in any way that would make her uncomfortable. However, we all learned about 2 weeks ago that Barbara was preparing to enter a nursing home and that she had ended all life support measures. The end was near.

Knowing that time was short, I made efforts to call her and just express my concern for her and to let her know she and Hal were in my prayers. You see, neither Barbara nor Hal were active church-goers. We had a pleasant, though brief phone conversation. Others at work made calls or sent cards and letters. When Barbara entered the nursing home, I checked through intermediaries as to whether she would want visitors. She had always been very sensitive about appearances and I knew she would now be seen at her worst. Word came back that she did, in fact, want to see us. I dropped what I was doing and made the trip to the nursing home. Prior to my visit and on the way there, I asked God that, if it were His will, that He would give me the words and opportunity to talk about spiritual things with Barbara. Barbara was very organized and I had no doubt that all of her legal and financial affairs were in order. Her spiritual ones, however, were another concern.

On the day of my visit, Barbara’s condition had deteriorated rapidly from just 24 hours earlier. The day before, co-workers who visited had spent hours joking and laughing with her about old stories and former times. I walked in to find a fading, though still fighting Barbara, who was sweating profusely and working for every breath. Surprisingly, we had a few minutes to be alone. Barbara was receiving lots of visitors and her family was ever-present. We talked of what Barbara wanted to talk about; her impending death. She hoped the end would come soon as she was tired. She wanted her family to get on with the task of living life without her. She wanted to end their present ordeal. She wanted a party in honor of her passing where friends and family could "hoist a beer to me." I then gently asked her if she was spiritually ready. She became tearful and answered "I hope so."

Her answer gave me the opportunity to tell what I had written to her the day before in a card, but which hadn’t yet arrived. I simply said, "Barbara, you’re about to make the second greatest transition of life (the first being birth). All you need to successfully make this second transition is Jesus Christ; to trust Him as Lord and Savior." I asked if she had done this, to which she replied that she had always had faith, but never publicly expressed it. I tried to be comforting and told her that by telling me what she just had, she had, in fact, made a public profession. We both were softly crying at this point. I asked if she wanted me to pray with her and she said yes. After we prayed together, it was time for me to leave. I was able to see Barbara one last time the following day. She now was on morphine and faded in and out of consciousness. We visited and I prayed for her again. She died later that evening.

After my first visit with Barbara, I left her room filled with the pain of saying goodbye to a dear friend, but equally filled with questions of whether I had said and done the right things. Did my question to Barbara adequately convey the person and purpose of knowing Christ? Was her answer, in fact, a public confession? Why did I not remember to ask her if she wanted to make the Good Confession of Faith ("I believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the Living God…")? Should I have pressed a little more instead of treading so carefully? Should I have read Scripture with her? Was her understanding of Jesus enough? By the time I was barely out of the driveway of the nursing home, I was crying so hard that I couldn’t distinguish whether I was feeling gratitude for the opportunity God had granted me in visiting Barbara or remorse over having squandered an opportunity that had eternal significance.

Fortunately, God and I had some time to be alone with each other right after that visit. I prayed that I had acted in accord with His will for Barbara. I prayed I had responded to her as He had desired and said what He wanted said. I prayed He would take Barbara’s limited understanding of who He is and have it be enough to bring her to Him when she died. I prayed for forgiveness for failing to say what should have been said or asking questions that should have been asked. I asked for spiritual protection, knowing Satan would gladly beat me over the head with second guessing myself as long as he were allowed to do so. I prayed and prayed and prayed, then prayed some more. Then God spoke to my heart in His Socratic, question-asking way:

"Tim, did you accept in faith that, if desired, I would give you the opportunity to visit with Barbara?" "Yes Lord." "And did you believe that I would give you the words to speak that I wanted you to speak?" "Yes Lord." "And do you believe that I would have called to your mind the Good Confession or had you come up with other questions while you were by Barbara’s bed if that’s what I had wanted you to say?" "I guess so Lord." "Then Tim, if you have faith in all of this, you’ll have to have faith that what was done and said was enough."

Few times have I ever more wanted to know that the stirrings in my heart was truly God’s voice and not that of my own speaking word of rationalization and self-comfort. I hope Barbara and I will again have the opportunity to talk with each other some fine day and find out. Enough said? I pray so
"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, "

(1 Peter 3:15 - NIV)

...I asked God that, if it were His will, that He would give me the words and opportunity to talk about spiritual things with Barbara. Barbara was very organized and I had no doubt that all of her legal and financial affairs were in order. Her spiritual ones, however, were another concern.
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Send a note to Tim Knappenberger at: knapp@raex.com

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