Finding My Way Home - A Christian Testimony

I returned home from my drive on that eventful December evening, not knowing what had happened or what to expect next. I felt different, but I did not know why. Even though my life was still in the same mess, I had acquired a new peace which did not make much sense to me at the time. Nevertheless, amid my many uncertainties, I had taken on this crazy sensation about the future, not knowing how my problems would be solved but still believing that they would be. It was just a feeling, but it was one which provided great comfort, especially in light of all the discomfort which I had most recently felt. I knew that I did not deserve a second chance, but I felt like one was coming my way anyway.

My experiences while driving on that evening had been very strange, and at the time, I had lacked a sound biblical explanation to account for what had happened. Now, I know that while driving along the Interstate highway on that cold December night that I had been "born again!" The Bible describes such an event in the following manner:

In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again." "How can a man be born when he is old?" Nicodemus asked, "Surely he cannot enter a second time into his mother's womb to be born!" Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, You must be born again".

During my life-changing drive, I had offered a simple, sincere prayer of desperation to the Lord. My words were not eloquent, neither were they deep and philosophical. Yet, they were sincere! I had meant each syllable then, and twenty-five plus years later, I still stand by every one! As a result of my very simple, very basic sincerity, I had been able to get a hold of God. I had spoken to Him, He had heard me, and just as quickly, He had forgiven me for all the bad which I had done! All my mischievous deeds in junior high and high school, as well as the years before, had been wiped clean. All my foolhardy, irresponsible activities while away at college had been forgotten, and I was given a fresh slate! To many, these simple statements sound absurd. But for the first time in my life, I was at peace with God, and it felt good!

For the next few days following my drive, I was like hope deferred. I had been expecting something positive to happen, but nothing had! I had continued to sit in the same chair as before waiting for my deliverance, but still nothing had happened! To me, the whole recovery process was like watching grass grow. It seemed to be very, very slow! As Christmas approached, I was already beginning to feel discouraged, but despite that anxiety, I continued to believe that something favorable would soon occur. I just did not know precisely when or how! Those initial days of waiting were very difficult, yet the Lord knew even then what I needed. For most of my life up to that point, I had always either had control or had at least believed myself to have had some form of control. Now, it was time for me to give up some of that security and simply wait on Him. Having to be patient was hard, but it really was exactly what I needed!

Over the past twenty-five years, I have watched God move in many mysterious ways. I know that He can work through any situation. Sometimes, He will choose unusual means for accomplishing His plans. He can, of course, perform miracles! But occasionally, He will use everyday events to control people and events because He can also do His work through the commonplace. At times, He uses tangible objects in people's lives to get their attention and control their movements. He can cause a "thing" to break or not break, as He sees fit. Unlike we, who are bounded by certain physical limitations, He is not bounded by anything! He can also use or not use people, as He sees fit. Because His sources and methods are innumerable, He is literally able to do whatever it takes, yet no one can ever be absolutely certain how He will fulfill His plan.

In my case, the Lord revived an old friendship. My friend and I had attended his last year of high school together. When he was a senior, I had been a sophomore. We had gone to ball games together, to the bowling alley together, played ball together, and had, in general, been very close throughout most of his senior year. As a fifteen year old wanting to try it all, I had even taken my first cigarette from his pack, starting a habit which would eventually become one of two-to-three packs a day. Yet, we were still friends, totally unconcerned about the dangers of smoking! When he graduated from high school in 1964, he joined the Navy. A short time later, his parents moved to Ohio. At that point, we were separated by both time and distance, and I thought that he was gone from my life forever. Therefore, just before Christmas in 1967, when I got that unexpected telephone call, he was not even in my thoughts!

During our conversation, Glenn told me that he was still in the Navy. His rank was Third Class, and his job designation was Corpsman, which meant that he was a medical technician. In the Army, his title would have been "Medic." He had called to let me know that he had just received orders for Viet Nam and that he was being assigned to a Marine Corps unit in Danang. From the tone of his voice, I perceived that combat was probably a certainty, and it was then that I began to realize that this was not just a normal phone call from an old high school buddy. I thought that something might be up, and I was correct! He told me that he had called to ask a favor. Because his parents lived in Ohio and he would be spending a couple of weeks in Norfolk before leaving for Nam, he asked if he could stay at my home during his free time and on weekends. He wanted to occupy his last days in the States among friends and in a family environment. I thought that his request was appropriate, and since the Norfolk Naval Base was only about thirty minutes from my house, I happily agreed!

During his final days in this country, he would make my home his home, and like a few years before, we would again spend a lot of time together. Ironically, by my opening up our house to him, he had thought that I was doing him a favor. Little did either of us know that it was really the other way around. It was actually he who would be giving me the direction in life which I needed, and it was the Lord overseeing that whole process in both our lives Who would really be using him to help me. In reality, we were probably to each other what the other needed, but in truth, what has happened in my life over the days, months, and years since my friend's unexpected reappearance can only be described as the work of the Lord. Those days turned out to be only the beginning of what must be called a truly amazing turn around, and the Lord gets all the credit, honor, and glory!

Just as we had discussed on the telephone, my friend did report to Norfolk a few days later to spend his final days stateside undergoing different forms of processing before shipping out. Those days passed very quickly, but as we had hoped, we were able to spend a fair amount of time together. From my viewpoint, however, things still were not going that well! Glenn's time in the States was running out, the New Year was approaching, he would soon be headed for Viet Nam, and our brief time of reunion was coming to an end. For me, the worst part was that my predicament still had not changed. Even though I had asked the Lord for help in my highly emotional appeal, nothing yet had happened, and it had already been a little more than two weeks! Therefore, while I remained hopeful and somewhat optimistic, I was again starting to grow weary of waiting. From my perspective, this whole thing seemed to be much too slow in getting started!

Some things about my personality and life following the night of my life-changing drive were very different. I had acquired a new inner peace and a better attitude, and both of those traits had been noticeably missing before. But other parts of my nature and lifestyle had remained the same. For example, after December 14th just like before, I continued to go to a couple of my favorite bowling establishments, and it would be in one of those establishments that the Lord would be able to use a natural, commonplace situation to really begin His "visible" work in my life.

During one of our final evenings together, Glenn and I were sitting at a table in a local bowling house, just drinking a soda and killing time. We began talking about several different topics, and one of those topics was my predicament. He was aware of some of my problems, but because he had been away for the past three years, he did not know the full story. So, as I had already done for others on a few earlier occasions, I enlightened him. I shared much of my recent past with him, from my abbreviated college career to my uninspiring employment record. As I went through the whole saga, detail by detail, he listened very intently.

When I was done, he spoke to me about the military and specifically about the Navy Reserves. He was in the Navy, so I could sort of see where he was coming from. In fact, his whole presentation sounded to me either like a Recruiter's pitch or perhaps, if one were to prefer the more mysterious, like he had been "heaven-sent" especially to me. The only thing, though, is that it was nothing more or less than a discussion about career options between two friends. Had he been sent? At that time, I could not tell. All I knew was that we were two individuals at different stations in life, with different problems who were having a friendly conversation. Yet, I now know that much more was happening in our friendly talk than just talk!

Because of our close relationship, he was able to speak casually but, at the same time, candidly about my predicament. He talked to me about a couple of educational opportunities within the Reserves, and he spoke about one program in particular which immediately caught my attention. It was a Naval Officer Candidate program. In all, Glenn shared a number of ideas with me that evening about the Reserves which had never before occurred to me, and the Lord would be able to use those few moments of casual conversation between two old friends to really get the ball rolling in my life. As I now look back on all of it, how ironic it was that the very person who had once taught me to smoke and drink was the one who would be showing me how to straighten out my life! Truly, the Lord's ways are not like our own.2

As I listened to Glenn, I could feel myself beginning to dream. I began thinking how wonderful it would be to have a normal life and not be burdened by all my problems. I considered how nice it would be just to go back to high school or even college and start over. Those were marvelous thoughts, and I wanted all of them to be real! But unfortunately, his words of advice and encouragement were not realistic in my case. For someone like me, who had already struck out in life in such convincing fashion, those were only the lofty, idle thoughts of a dreamer. I could not just roll back the clock and pretend that none of the past few years had happened. They had! My escapades in and out of school had been real, and they could not be wished away by simple hopes and dreams. My wrongdoing had disrupted and hurt many. Therefore, I could not and should not be allowed such an easy escape, nor should I even have expected it!

As I continued to listen, I knew that my dreams for a brighter future were only dreams and also that they probably encompassed far more than I could reasonably expect. I understood that my friend meant well, but I also understood that I had to stop dreaming about such nonsense and face my own reality. He continued to speak with excitement and enthusiasm, yet as I listened, I became more and more discouraged! His words sounded good, but I knew that his hopes and expectations for me were beyond my grasp. I just could not see myself ever doing all that he was proposing. So, by the time that we arrived home, I was feeling very depressed. But that depression, in my opinion, was fully warranted!