disclaimer: yadda, yadda, etc. etc. The song is Full of Grace by Sarah McLachlan and was used in the season two finale of buffy.
The winter here's cold and bitter, it's chilled us to the bone.
We haven't seen the sun for weeks, too long too far from home.
I feel like I'm sinking, and I claw for solid ground.
I'm pulled by the undertow, I never thought I could feel so low,
And, oh, darkness, I feel like letting go.
I hate the end of summer. As a local, I'm suppose to despise the tourists, but I don't really. They add life to this little town. When winter comes we just shut down.
"I'm going." I told Dawson.
"You can't Joey."
"Yes I can. I have to. I have to know who I am without the past, without the judgments of this town Dawson. We can figure all this out when I get back, but I need to go."
"What am I suppose to do with you gone? I don't know what to do without you by my side. How am I suppose to live without you?"
"That's just it Dawson. To be together, we have to learn how to live without each other, or we're just going to make each other miserable."
He didn't understand. He didn't go through what I went through. He's never been judged for the sins of the father. Pacey and Jen understood. Poor Jen, how she'll get through this, I don't know. And there's nothing I can do to help. Sometimes I think her and Dawson should spend the time I'm gone together. Sometimes I don't.
I've been sitting here, trying to say good-bye to this town that caused so much pain, and so much happiness. The park where mom would take Bessie and me to play. The hospital where she died. I feel like the girl from Our Town, "good-bye to clocks ticking,..." and sometimes I try not to feel at all.
"Dawson, I love you."
"But you're going away. You're leaving me, Jo."
I'm not leaving him, I'm making his life better. I would have just brought him down.
I know I can love you much better than this
Full of grace, Full of grace, my love.
It's better this way, I said.
I packed my bags. They're sitting on the porch, waiting to leave this place. I've been everywhere these past two weeks, to the cemetery, to the ruins, to the beach, to the school. You never know what you have till it's gone. I miss it all already.
Sometimes I wonder why I have to go. Then I look at Dawson and know that the only way to build our future is to forget our past. So I have to leave him, I have to go away.
Separation makes the heart grow fonder. If I stayed I could never be sure if he wanted me, or just me not to go.
Good-byes have taken too long, and the tears just won't stop. I wanted to shead my past, but I only shreaded our hearts.
Having seen this place before.
Where everything we say and do, hurts us all the more.
It's just that we stayed too long in the same old sickly skin,
And I'm pulled down by the undertow, I never thought I could feel so low,
and, oh, darkness, I feel like letting go
If all of the strength and all of the courage come and lift me from this place.
So I'll say one final good-bye. Take one last look before I drive away. I go from the unknown to the unknown and all I can think is I could have loved you better.
I know I can love you much better than this
Full of grace, full of grace, my love.
I know I can love you much better than this.
It's better this way.